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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Mar102017

Friday Favs 3/10/17

A few of my favorite submissions this week:

 

I feel like this could apply to a few of you:

It's for your own safety, really. A cake a day keeps the road rage away!

***

 

Bakers are forever amazing me with their new decorating techniques.
For instance, did you know it's possible to pipe with semi-congealed Velveeta?

I mean, not well, but there it is!

***

 

Now let's all give a wave (heyooo) to the world's oldest Canadian Flag:

Or to the baker who literally thought this was what Barbara wanted.

***

 

I'll be honest, minions: this cake Mary J. ordered was a bit of a mess:

Great perplexing piles of pastel piping, Batman!

Yes, that's the one she wanted.

 

Still, what Mary ended up with was definitely worse:

Ew, Batman! Just... ew.

 

And finally, let's talk about these "tiger stripes" on a one-year-old's birthday cake, and how they might give "Sydni Is A Wild One" a whoooole new meaning:

Just me? And Danielle? Are we the only ones seeing this?

S'ok, Danielle; my lips are sealed.

 

Thanks to Jamie H., Alex A., Barbara T., Mary J., & Danielle D. for the walk on the vagina side.

*****

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Thursday
Mar092017

Barbie Hurl

In honor of Barbie Day, here are a few tips for making the "perfect" doll cake.

 

- This is totally acceptable for a Groom's Cake:

No, really. She's got panties on, so it's cool.

 

- When making a doll dress cake, go for icing colors every little girl loves:

Specifically, the colors of despair and gnawing ennui.

 

- If your doll needs a bodice, be sure to pipe something fashionable and delicate:

 

- And while you're at it, try to make the cake part look more like a skirt, and less like an alien egg devouring the prom queen in a B-rated horror movie.

"Oh, Trevor, why did we go skinny-dipping in that cemetery at midnight? WHYYYYY??"

 

- If dress cakes are too intimidating, remember there's always this option:

Just keep it classy, minions.

(Good grief, it's like that bottle of tequila has never seen a Barbie upchuck before. I mean, hello, personal space, Jose!)

 

Hey, remember that traumatizing tunnel scene in the original Willy Wonka?
Pretty sure this is the cake version:

There's no earthly way of knowing
How much flotsam they were throwing
There's no knowing where we're going
Or any sign the wrecks are slowing!

Oh wait, that's not really a tip, is it? Hmm. Ah, ok, I've got one:

- Don't do this.

 

I should warn you: this next tip features a Barbie cake that is not professionally made. I repeat, NOT professionally made. But as a public service, I feel I have to share it anyway.

- Never ask your drunk roommate to make you a Barbie cake:

"Let's light this candle, b**ches!!"

(It made me laugh. WHAT.)

 

But to go out on a professional note:

- Nobody put Barbie in a corner.

She'll just sit there. Waiting. And watching.

Right, that's it for me! Y'all sleep well tonight.

 

Thanks to Erica D., Stephanie H., Bridget B., Kristie S., Lori, Luise D., Criss N., & Sarah W. for both the wide-eyed nightmare fuel and ALL the sprinkles. ALL OF THEM.

*****

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