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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Nov082012

Limer-Icks

There once was a wedding confection

That failed the bride's final inspection

So we grabbed an airbrush

Painted it in a rush

And told Yanks it was for their election!

 

 

I'm finding it rather outrageous

That I have to spend some of my wages

On a cake for my Dad

Of a girl, partly clad

Is it me, or does she look contagious?

 

 

I hope you don't find me neurotic

But I'm sure my new heart is necrotic

It rattles and shakes

And I think that it's cake...

Did I mention my surgeon's psychotic?

 

 

Clap your hands for poor Tinkerbell

A bee sting has caused her to swell

Grab a fresh EpiPen

And inject her again

For she's really just not looking well.

 

 

 If you just can't spell "congratulations"

And your piping skills won't win ovations

You should find a career

Where you won't end up here

 

 

 

Or at least take extended vacations.

 

 

I once saw a cake in Nantucket

That had frosting applied by the bucket

Though it's called a nice gift

It's too heavy to lift

So I guess that I'll just have to chuck it.

 

 

Thanks to Fiona N., Annabelle K., Melissa J., Michael C.,  Miranda B., Wendy R., Erika H., and Arlene for making me speak in rhyme all day. (Hey guys, are there rocks ahead?)

Wednesday
Nov072012

WE'RE DOOMED

[NOTE: In an effort to be more efficient/lazy, I may have written this post last week. I'm pretty sure you won't be able to tell, though, so forget I even mentioned it.]

 

My dear wreckies, the end is officially nigh. In fact, I think it's safe to say that the end has never been MORE nigh than it is at this very moment. It is a moment FULL OF END NIGH-NESS.

With President [insert winner's name here] in office, our country will soon be nothing but a moldering pile of Taco Bell wrappers and Snookie CDs. The seas will boil over. The sun will burn. The stars will do crazy loop deloops, but, like, in a really bad way.

Frogs will rise up from ponds everywhere and hippity-hop all over our lawns.

 

And then they'll eat our daisies.

OUR DAISIES!!

 

All birthdays will be cancelled, and replaced with "buttdays."

 

Our new national flag will be a giant flip-flop...STOMPING ON AN AMERICAN HEART.

 

And perhaps most terrifying of all: a legion of lop-sided zombie Barbie cakes will slide menacingly onward, the better to consume our very souls:

Yes, my friends, with the inevitable campaign of doom and destruction heralded by President [insert winner's name here], our only hope can now be in hunkering down with enormous cases of peanut butter while we await the apocalyptic....uh...hang on...

Did someone seriously make a WEDDING CAKE out of WHOOPIE PIES??

Best. Idea. EVER.

 

 Ok, never mind that other stuff. We're good.

 

Thanks to  Susan F., Debbie A., Anony M., Alexandra, & Gregory H. for putting things back in their proper perspective. Peace, love, and whoopie pies, baby. Awww yeeeaah.