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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Jan102011

Move Over, Lunchables

As an ab-disadvantaged, rotundity blessed, "fluffy" individual, I appreciate all the finer foods in life. The local Chinese buffet owners even know me by name. ("Oooh, Mr. Pork Man! Table for one?")

It's not that I don't care about being thin and gorgeous, it's...wait. No, actually, that IS it. I don't care. So imagine my delight when I discovered the latest lunch craze hitting our nation's bakeries:

The Porta-Pastry!

Yep, these lunch-sized portions of cake come with everything you need for a nutritious meal: sugar, fat, more sugar, and most importantly: a handy fork for on-the-go eating!


No more sneaking into the breakroom in search of cutlery! No more sharing with the kids! Now you can consume your Porta-Pastry as God intended: hunched over the steering wheel in your car, crying.

I'm sorry, did I say "crying?" 'Cuz I meant "crying tears of JOY."

"Just a second, kids; Mommy's just finishing her lunch."


So far the baking industry has just been testing the market with their Watermelon Porta-Pastry, but happily the response has been so positive they're preparing to introduce a new design:

The Double Pounder.

Because a fork in each hand is worth two duck heads in a bush.

Mmmmm.

Thanks to Annabeth C., Lauren K., Alden L., Jennifer L., Shannon B., and Jane D., who think that lousy Aflac duck had it coming.

Sunday
Jan092011

Sunday Sweets: Must-See TV

This week, we've decided to showcase amazing cakes based on some of the finest, most thought-provoking shows ever to grace American television.

Submitted by Stacy P., made by Jireh Cakes

[chortle]

But seriously, could that be a more awesome cake?

And for you fickle fondant fnaysayers:

Made by CW reader Shawna H.

Our Fondant Free Sweet of the Week™! When you remember that the vast majority of wreckerators can't even pipe a straight line, those socks become all the more impressive.

And in case you've forgotten, we're actually talking about TV shows this week:


That's one awesome Survivor cake, but you know what's even better? The fact that it's on a plate with one fork. America: the only thing more impressive than our TV shows is our serving sizes.

And speaking of space cowboys:

Sub'd by Brittni M., made by CakeLava

In case you don't appreciate fine television, this is the spaceship from the show Firefly. Which was canceled. Which is a travesty. Let us take a moment to mourn its passing.

[mourn]

[mourn]

[pulling self together]

And now... JAZZ HANDS!!!


Sub'd by Brittny B., made by Piece of Cake Desserts

Or "hand" as the case may be. Off topic, but has anyone ever actually had a slushie thrown at them in high school? 'Cause I was a pretty big doofus through most of my teen years and no one even threw water at me. And since when did they start serving slushies in school anyway? When I was a boy, we didn't have slushies. We chewed the bark off trees and we loved it!

*ahem*

Hey, look! It's the Stargate!

Made by Cake Wrecks reader Allison B.

Not only is this amazing (love the chevrons), you also get to poop blue for a few days! And really, you just can't put a price on blue poop.

Now check out this awesome Kermit Thee Frog here:

Sub'd by Nikki P., made by The Cake Store

[Kermit flail] Yaaaay!

Can...you...believe...thisnextcake?

Submitted by Anne P. and made by SHAM Bakery

Huh. Actually, I'm more of a Next Generation guy, so maybe I should ask Jen about this one.

Update: So Jen said, "You don't know Amok Time? The episode where Spock kills Kirk? SERIOUSLY? It's like I don't even know you anymore." Um. Whoops.

Grrr! Arrrgh! It's a Buffy cake!

Sub'd by Nicole G., made by Cake Nouveau

I'm assuming "Grrrr, Argh....." has something to do with the show. Maybe it's what Buffy says before she makes out with and/or stabs a bad guy?* Ooh, and hey, do you think they put a candle in the candle for the birthday girl to blow out? So meta.


Submitted by Erik R. and made by azsammaiski

Ahh, Alf. Alf is one of those shows that you loved as a kid, but now when you see it again on Hulu you're all like, "Huh." And then you change it back to Firefly reruns.

[mourn]

[pulling self together]

Well, if you'll excuse me, Castle is on.

Have a Sweet to nominate? Then send it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

*Update: [wiping goo from eyes] We have an Epcot. Repeat: we have an Epcot. It's about the Grrr line. I apparently forgot that it's in the credits for Joss Whedon's production company. That's what I get for trying to be funny. In my defense, the only part of any credits I've ever remembered was, "Sit Ubu, Sit! Good Dog!" In other news, man it's early. Oh, and I'm pretty sure all the cakes are daisies. If you need me, I'll be drooling on my pillow. -john