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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Nov162012

Let's Talk Turkey

Tur-key (noun)

1. A large game bird native to North America, having a bald head and (in the males) a red wattle.


2. Something that is extremely or completely unsuccessful.

 

Congratulations.

It's a turkey.

 

I have to admit I get a pleasant buzz of nostalgia this time of year, though, when all the same turkey wrecks show up again at our nation's bakeries. They're kind of like relatives: consistent, dependable, and unavoidable no matter how hard you try to convince them to take the holidays off and just take a trip to the Bahamas for once. GEEZ.

Ahem.

And look, the gang's all here!  I'm sure you all remember Electrified Turkey:

 

 And Roadkill Turkey:
 

The squiggly tire tracks are a nice touch.

 

Then there's the NBC Peacock Turkey:

 

 The Flaming Football Turkey:

 

And a personal favorite, the "Please-don't-kill-me-I'm-just-a-wee-little-bird-stuck-in-the-side-of-a-taco" Turkey:

 

Silly old bird.

 

But just like these cakes themselves, we can always depend on bakers to prove that if there's one thing more disturbing than a turkey cake...
 

 It's a cooked turkey cake.

(MY EYES!)

 

Thanks to Julie P., Jenniffer P., Angelica W., Ashley K., Annie L., Andrew B., & Allison M., who I just realized all have names that start with either A or J. IT'S A PRE-THANKSGIVING MIRACLE!

Thursday
Nov152012

Er Mah Gourd!

Eek! I forgot to mention yesterday what is possibly the most popular indicator of Fall - you know, the one you see in every coffee shop, restaurant, and bakery across the nation.

Yep, I'm talking about that ubiquitous Fall flavor:

 

...Poop brûlée

 

Kidding, kidding. We all know the actual flavor of Fall is pumpkin:

...with poop on top.

 

Or on the side!

 

Or just washed down the edges.

 

Or whatever is happening here.

 

And when bakers aren't grossing us out with log-a-riffic "stem" action on their pumpkin cakes, they're busy gleefully spitting in the eye of Mother Nature:

I can just imagine them dramatically twirling their mustachios now:

 "Take THAT, nature, with your natural shapes, and your natural colors, and your sickening lack of spikes and crappy silly string. HA. Haha! AHAHAHAHAHAA!!"

 

 "Oh, and I always wanted my pumpkins to have a sphincter, so there."

 

Now, you might be questioning whether that is actually supposed to be a pumpkin.

First of all, NEVER QUESTION THE JEN.

Lest she speak of herself in the third person.

And second of all, of COURSE it's a pumpkin.

Can't you see that it's orange? And green? And brown? 

 WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT, YOU UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE PUMPKIN EATERS?

 

 Ah. 

Well, don't you worry; the turkey cakes are coming.

 

Thanks to Carol W., Rheanne K., Dawn R., Brady, Julie P., Holley R., Jessica S., & Lisa S. for the excuse to type the following: Ermahgourd! Permpkins!