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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Sep052012

Well, Crud.

As some of you know, Jen and I spent this past weekend at Dragon*Con in Atlanta, which was awesome. However, part of the "fun" of this particular convention is that you get to share your personal space with 50,000 other geeks, many of whom are sweating disease through their Superman tights or are too burdened with enormous fake weaponry to cover their mouths before coughing in your eyes.

Which is all to say that Jen is currently sick as a dog. (Although I've never seen a dog whine as much as Jen, so I can only assume she must be sicker.) (Actually, I've never seen a sick dog at all. Who comes up with these clichés, anyway?)

So, baby?  Because I love you, I'm writing today's post.  No, no... don't thank me. You just stay right over there and keep folding that laundry; I wouldn't want the wrinkles to set. Oh, and I could use a refill. No rush! Just when you're done crushing the ice.

 *Ahem*

 

And SPEAKING of sick dogs...

 Hey, Sweetie, this remind you of anything?

HAHAHAHA!

 Sweetie? Where ya goin'? Jen?

 Hello?

 ****

 Well, I guess I better wrap this up. So...

Here's to Jen's speedy recovery! And really ugly golf balls.

You're welcome, baby.

 

(Say, my throat's starting to feel a little scratchy. And now Jen's staring at me with a creepy grin on her face. Should I be worried?)

 

Thanks to Shelli K., for the...  ah... ACHHOOO!!!  Oh crap...

Tuesday
Sep042012

Bake Me A Date!

Note: Today's post contains a plethora of vaguely naughty innuendoes, plus at least one "outyourendo."  Please parent accordingly.

 

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Dear HoneyPie3551

I saw your profile on the "Bake Me a Date" website and wanted to contact you. You sound pretty sweet, and I'd love to sugar you up by taking you to dinner. Please let me know if you are interested, and I will preserve us a table. (I switched the word "reserve" with "preserve" because I use raspberry preserves in my cookies. And I'm not so good at wordplay. Please write back.)

Sincerely,

BearClaw993

PS- Here's a picture of me with my shirt off. (This is definitely NOT a photo I found on the internet.) Notice how big my muscles are.

 

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Hi BearClaw993,

Thanks for writing. I like what I see. :)

I really knead a big strong man around the house. Let's have dinner, and then maybe you can let me lick your beaters, if you know what I mean.

- HoneyPie3551

PS - I've also attached a photo. And don't worry; Chad means nothing to me now.

 

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Hey HoneyPie3551,

Yes, I think I know what you mean. I sure would like to melt you in a double boiler, if you know what I mean. No wait, I want to moisten your meringue? Ugh, I can do this. I want to gently fold in your egg whites.

-BearClaw993

PS- In case you didn't see them the first time, I've attached another photo of my awesome muscles.

 

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BearClaw993,

Ooo, you really know how to stretch my strudel. I can't wait to press your waffle cone.

And you'd better be good, or I might have to whip your cream.

- HoneyPie3551

 

 

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HoneyPie3551,

Let's meet tonight and I can frost your cupcakes, and by that I mean I'd like to pre-heat your oven, and by that I mean I'm going to grease your muffin pan.

Something something ladyfingers.

-BearClaw993

 

 

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Dear BearClaw993,

knead to apologize for leaving our date so abruptly. Maybe we can try again in the future when you can get your dough to rise.

Batter luck next time,

HoneyPie3551

 

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HoneyPie3551,

 

Sincerely,

BearClaw993

 

 

Thanks to Lucy, Jenny W., Noreen R., Anony M., Whitney B., & Nthom for the hot stuff. And by hot stuff, I mean hot messes.