My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Fill Me Up, Buttercup.

The great thing about cake is you can make it look like anything. Dead rat? No problem! Broken toe? Gimmie an hour! Dong cake? You want that in chocolate, red velvet, or Funfetti?

The only problem is that many decorators just don't have the "skillz" necessary to pull off a really good dong cake. [smirk] So instead, they make their cakes look like popcorn.

(For what it's worth, that segue made more sense in my head.)

Now, bakers, the first thing to do when making a popcorn cake - and this is very important - is to try to make a cake that looks like popcorn.

Or maybe just label it "popcorn."

As useful as labeling can be, though, there are still times when you want your popcorn cake to kind of look a little bit like actual popcorn:

So I guess this is not one of those times.

Really, though, I think you can do a little better than that. Go on! Give it a try.

Um. Well, I've never seen beige popcorn before...

Maybe you could try for a more "buttery yellow?"

Too much! TOO MUCH!

Those appear to be Bugles.

Cheetos. Definitely Cheetos.

And that's the back of this guy's head:

Ok, obviously this isn't working. Tell you what, bakers: why don't we try something a little more... drastic?

A-ha! Success!

So the moral is: when you can't figure out how to make something in icing, just put the real thing on there instead!

Although I wouldn't suggest it with the Dong cake.

The health inspectors might complain.

Thanks to John B., Mia & Trinh, Melissa S., Dolly N., Chelsea E., Miles J., Amy S., & John M., who think all popcorn should come with a side of icing. Yeah. Just imagine all that soggy, salty, greasy goodness! Mmmmmmmhurk.


When Irish Guys Are Dialing

Today, on behalf of Ireland, the Irish, and people who like Guinness, allow me to say:

Sam is gonna be thrilled, I just know it.

So will Pabrick.

And wait'll he hears about his promotion!

I'm not sure if I should salute or cross myself.

Now, there's a stereotype floating around that we Irish like to drink.

I don't know where this comes from.

And frankly, if I were able to see straight or type this without developing motion sickness, I'd be extremely offended. [hic]

Hey, look! A green golf bag! How appropriate!

[head tilt]

Wait, no. That's Scotland. Sorry. I always get Craig Ferguson and Colin Farrell mixed up.

There's also a common misconception that we Irish have nasty tempers. I don't know who started this rumor, but if I ever find out I WILL CUT OFF THEIR BANGERS AND MASH AND FEED THEM TO THE LOCH NESS MONSTER.


That's Scotland again, isn't it?


So, in conclusion, this is a terrible four-leaf clover:

That, or this Guinness is making me see triple.

Oh, and also: Be careful when doling out kissing commands today. There's a big difference between telling an attractive stranger, "Kiss me, I'm Irish" and telling just anyone Irish to kiss you:

Don't believe me? Well, consider this: all of these guys are Irish:

"Aye, yore a pritty one, ar'ntcha?"

"Heh aheh hehehe."

"Forget those lucky charms, lass, I've got yore pot o' gold right here!"

Yep, we Irish can be a bit creepy. It's part of our charm.

Rock on, Colin. Rock. On.

Thanks to Stacey T., Liz C., Jodee R., Cristina, Claire P., Emily C., Jen F., Rebecca M., Leslie C., Jenaro P., & Heather H., who are all honorary Irishmen today. So wear those red beards with pride, ladies.