Nah, These Won't Traumatize The Kids At ALL

These cakes are all quite nicely done. I'm sure that will be of some comfort to the kids when they're in therapy.

Sock-hop it to me, Audrey R.!

Yes, happy birthday, girls, from Headless Flo and her Tinker-Toy Poodle Skirt of Probable Misfortune. ("Doom" was taken.)

Now, who wants ice cream?

"No, no, Patrick, the dinosaur isn't trying to eat you. He's here to party!"

See? Look at that cute little party hat! It really bring out his razor sharp teeth, don't you think, Selah T.?

Speaking of teeth...

This looks like the aftermath of a fairy-tale massacre, or in other words, a-DOR-able! [sing-song voice] Say, Arloe S., is that middle pig coming or going?

[announcer voice] "Hey parents, are you tired of boring, peaceful birthday parties? Want to add a little more excitement back into the one-year celebration? Then ask for the Dead Elephant special!"

[Kids yelling] "Yay! Dead elephants!"

[announcer] "That's right, kids! Yes, these delectable globs of deceased pachyderms tell the world: this party is gonna be killer!

"Side effects may include screaming, crying, thumb-sucking, sweating, itchy palms, irritable bowel, and a life-long fear of blue animals. Not recommended for children with nervous constitutions or sensitive bladders. Dead elephants are not responsible for any damages - real or imagined - done to your children. Void where prohibited, all rights reserved."

You've got a killer eye there, Andrew C.

*****

And speaking of dinosaurs…

Punctuation Saves Lives

:D

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

5 Times It Didn't Pay To Be Polite

Some people think common courtesy is dead. To these people I say, "Hey, do you mind? I CAN'T HEAR THIS PHONE CONVERSATION OVER THE MOVIE WHILE YOU'RE SHUSHING ME."

(Yes, I'm joking.)

(I have exceptionally good hearing.)

And bakers, it seems, are especially bewildered by a simple "please" or "thank you:"

Aww, it's almost sad; the baker missed her own thanking!

I say "almost" sad because after you realize how often this happens...

It gets kinda funny.

Text reads: "Happy Birthday Melissa! Thank you much."

This "thank you" threw the baker SO badly she tried to cope with random question marks:

Happy Birthday Barbara!?
?Thanks!

You can almost picture her writing this, sobbing, "What does it mean? WHAT DOES IT MEEEEEAAN???"

And if you use BOTH "please" and "thank you" there's a real chance you could do permanent damage to your baker. So please, be responsible. Don't let this happen:

Then again, that's no excuse to be rude, either.

And trust me, it doesn't help anyway:

Thanks to Nicole P., Stephanie R., Melissa S., Nathan B., Lindsay W., & J.R. for being so easy to please.

*****

P.S. Since this saved my butt during a long painting day recently, I have a random product recommendation:

No Buckle No-Show Stretch Belt

This is my new favorite belt, y'all. It basically turns anything with belt loops into an elastic waist. So comfy I forget it's on, slimline so it doesn't show under my t-shirts, and NO BELT BUCKLE to dig into my belly or unbuckle for bathroom breaks. Woohoo!

You know how stretch jeans are forever sliding down when you sit or bend, so you have to keep hitching them back up? No more! I wear this with all my jeans now. It's entirely elastic, so it moves and stretches with you, zero painful digging. I HIGHLY recommend for anyone well endowed with squish in the belly area.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: