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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Jul052011

Window Pains

So, you're opening a bakery. You've watched too much Cake Boss, opened a few dozen credit card accounts, and "sampled" enough cupcakes to confidently differentiate between "ganache" and "monkey poo."

What next?

The window display, of course!

This is your place to shine, aspiring baker! Show the people what you can really do!

Ah.

I see you're of the "writing on Styrofoam rounds with a Sharpie" skill set.

We can work with that.

After all, the most important thing is getting customers through the door - even if it is only to ask, "Dear God, what IS that THING?!"

It's a pacifier. You know, a cake for suckers?

Now, a good window display should appeal to both kids and kids at heart. Remember, cakes are all about fun! And color! And post-apocalyptic death tableaus!

Just think of all the gas-mask party favors you could make. Ooh, and festive radioactive warning streamers! Glowing fruit punch? Mushroom cloud side-cakes? Really, the possibilities are endless.

Of course, edible barren wastelands aren't for everyone. That's why you should also advertise your more [winkwink] adult flavors. [nudgenudge]

Photo removed at the request of the baker.
Please enjoy this lovely picture of Epcot.

And you can tell by the way that plastic half-lady is smelling her armpit that her plastic whole lady counterparts are gonna be hella sexy.

Or, if you're limited on space, you could always kill two birds with one horrendously disturbing Barbie cake:

Hey, how do you think Barbie paid for all those different careers, kids?

Well, bakers, however you choose to design your displays, just be sure they communicate friendliness, poise, and professionalism.

And also a strong grasp on the spelling of "ho bag":

Because, really, nothing is worse than a misspelled "ho bag" on your cookie cake.

Thanks to Amber P., Bianca S., Lauren C., Lauren R., Betsy R., & Dana F., who wonder if perhaps this showed up on C.M.'s performance review.

Monday
Jul042011

Go Fourth and Celebrate!

Though we usually just refer to today as the 4th of July, we here in the U.S. are celebrating something far greater than just a date on the calendar:

Our "Indenpdants."

Hm. I guess that's why most bakers stick to "Happy Fourth," huh? Less to mess up that way.

*headdesk*

You know, the fact that someone had to print that flag out, notice the red ink was gone, and yet choose to use it anyway is why I love this country. It just goes to show that through guts, ingenuity, and perseverance of spirit... I will never be out of a job.

Here's one that serves as a reminder of the date, minus any emotional bossing around:


Happy or not, here it comes!!

(And who wants to bet the other side just says, "July"?)

Same idea, even poorer execution:

Well, that's a first.

And when they're not wrecking cakes, some bakers take turns making other "collssal" mistakes:

Given the context, I have to assume that "collssal" = "patriotic skid marks."

And finally, while I'm not sure this Marines cake was made specifically for today, I think it serves as an excellent reminder of what we in this country value above all else:

Sneaking the first piece before the rest of the family comes in.

Thanks to Lauren O., Laura S., Elizabeth K., Michele G., Susan C., & Amy H., who know that sometimes you just have to even out that side a few more bites.