The Top 12 Cakes To Bring To Your Family Reunion

The Top 12 Cakes to Bring To Your Family Reunion:

(Assuming your family has an excellent sense of humor.)

(Or you just don't like them.)

With this many grammar errors, you can always blame it on your younger cousins.

Make sure you insist everyone sing to him, too.

Works best if your last name is Trumpet. Or if you have a bunch of sentient squabbling horns around.

(No, I don't know the back story. Feel free to imagine your own.)

And this one works best if you there are either a bunch of teenage girls in your family, or none at all.

Just like there's no place like the back seat for carrying home an ROUS and a giant ... log?

("Anybody want a peanut?")

I *think* this was supposed to say "Lordy Lordy, look who's forty." I like the vaguely ominous portent-of-death vibe, though. And, hey, conversation starter!

Because a little honesty can go a long way... towards getting everyone to leave early so you can go back to playing LEGO: Harry Potter.

Mom always said to be positive. Or possibly "possitive."

Serve with copious amounts of alcohol. Then:

... set this one out while no one's looking, sit back, and watch the accusations fly.

This is another one I don't have a back story on, but I like to imagine it was ordered by that Debbie Downer relative who's always going on about "kids these days" and how "we'll all belong to China in a few more years - just you watch."

Also, yes, that relative might be me. WHAT.

And finally:

SO CLOSE to "family ruin," and yet ... so far. Drat. 

WAY TO GET MY HOPES UP, BAKERS.

Hey Shelly G., Krissy M., Amy S., Lisa C., Judi D., Laura B., Lisa V., Nicole S., Susan S., MJ, Vanessa S., & Laura S., I think I speak for us all when I say, "what's that supposed to mean??"

*****

P.S. Brace yourself for our cheesiest product review yet:

King Arthur Better Cheddar Cheese Powder

So John is a popcorn fanatic, and has spent a lifetime sampling every kind of cheese popcorn he can find. His all-time favorite is from a mall kiosk called Doc Popcorn, where they pop and mix it fresh, but he reports the next best thing is adding this cheese powder to a bag of microwave popcorn.

John's tried half a dozen top-rated cheese powders on Amazon, and reports King Arthur is the winner for the most tangy cheesiness - with Hoosier Hill Farm at a close second. (And Hoosier Hill has twice as much for the same price, so it's the better bargain.)

So hey, if you love fresh-popped, punch-you-in-the-face cheesy cheese popcorn, try this! And according to the reviews you can also use it to make cheese sauce (just add butter and milk), sprinkle it on veggies, soups, baked potatoes... I mean, it's cheese, y'all. What's not to love?

****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Just Clowning Around

Hey, remember when clowns were funny, endearing creatures that delighted young children with their crazy antics and playful innocence?

Yeah, me neither.

"I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL."

Believe it or not, I used to BE a clown. I'm talking face paint, balloon animals - the works. I realize that automatically makes me creepy and terrifying, but as a five-foot-tall, pigtail-wearing geek girl, I'm actually Ok with that.

"FEAR ME!!"

"Oh, and could you grab the Cheerios off the top shelf? I can't reach."

You're probably wondering how children reacted to me as a clown, since everyone knows clowns only exist to obtain your internal organs in as bloody a method as possible - which they will then juggle in front of you, cackling, while an out-of-tune calliope churns slowly in the background and you're surrounded by fun house mirrors and porcelain dolls with empty eye sockets who somehow seem to be getting closer... and closer...

Sorry, where was I?

Oh, right. The kids.

To be honest, I spent my clowning days way more scared of children than they ever were of me. You see, children are very small. And fast. And when you present a pack of them with a single defenseless clown holding an excessively large bag of free candy, children can make the Hunger Games look like an episode of Mister Rogers. 

Little Known Fact: clowns bleed squirty flowers.

And if you think a headless clown is unsettling, imagine a huge pile of nothing but clown heads.

Or better yet, just look at this:

(Ok, so maybe "better" wasn't the right word...)

Now imagine it slowly rotating, while a music box tinkles in the next room, and the door behind you creeeaks open to reveal a pale little girl with black, staring eyes, who suddenly shrieks...

"MAKE ME A BALLOON ANIMAL!!!"

O.O

Thanks to Anony M., Liz M., Dena R., Kristina K., & Carrie M., who dare you to look at this clown I found in a local arcade here in Orlando. That's right: THEY DARE YOU. Me, I'll just be whimpering over here in the corner...

*****

P.S. Speaking of balloon animals, can we talk about how stinking cute these doggy balloons are?

"Walking" Dog Balloons, 6 Pk


You can fill them with either air or helium, and then "walk" them on their ribbon leashes, which is friggin' adorable:

And it’s only $10 for the 6 pack!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: