Heeeey Sexah LAY-DAY

Don't worry, this isn't going to be a Gangnam Style parody. Promise. It's just that every time I see one of those "baby bump" limbless torso cakes trying so desperately to be sexy, that's all I hear in my head:

"HEEEEEY SEXAH LAY-DAY!"

Plus now I can't stop picturing Psy screaming at all the fondant boobies:

I feel ya, man.

But enough about me. Let's talk about why so many women enjoy displaying edible effigies of their nearly naked torsos for a bunch of other women while celebrating the imminent expulsion of a human being from their bodies.

(When you put it like that, it's kind of messed up, right?)

And while I'll never think pregnant torso cakes are a good idea, at least the ones wearing clothing are a little LESS tacky. The "sexy" ones just make me wonder: who gets all hot and bothered looking at a dismembered pregnant torso?

Before you get too turned on, you should know that the fetus with the unnaturally long spaghetti leg is watching you. Aaaalwaaaays waaaaatching.

That one's not really showing enough skin, though, is it? And don't you think it needs a nice heavy spray tan, too?

Muuuuch better. We'll all be revisiting breakfast in NO time.

 (If you look at that just right, you'll see a jowly guy in an aviator cap whistling Dixie around a mouth full of feet. Just sayin'.)

Hey ladies, you know how sometimes we get that little bead of sweat betwixt our womanly bazooms? And you know how the sight of it on other women make you, like, totally hungry?

Mmmm. Sweaty bazoom valley.

(Also, if that lady is pregnant, then I must be expecting twins.)

If I still haven't convinced you that "sexy" torso cakes are a bad idea, though, then let me leave you with this little window into the future:

Peek-a-boo!  SEE YOU REAL SOON.

Thanks to Cyndi P., Matt R., Anony M., Kate C., Jason S., & Vicki K. for the sexy, sexy nightmare fuel. 

******
You know what's always sexy at a baby shower? Star Wars counting books.

Star Wars Obi-123

Especially this one, illustrated by one of my favorite artists, Katie Cook!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Sunday Sweets: Tasty Tentacles!

So I was thinking I wanted to do something different this week for Sweets. Something new. Something crazy. Something, I don't know...tentacley.

Don't worry; I'm not going to show you anything WEIRD. Besides, I bet most of you like a cute lil' octopus as much as you obviously like owls. (YOLO!)

By Cake Central member Miniminipop

And besides, lookit that cutie!

(True story: I just learned what YOLO meant last month. I'm such an internet trend failure.)

(Truer story: I just learned YOLO does NOT mean "you obviously love owls." MY ENTIRE LIFE HAS BEEN A LIE. [sob])

Of course, not ALL octopuses/octopi/octopodes are that adorable. Some just look all hip and cool while hanging out in their undersea gardens:

By Jacqueline Marie's

I'd like to be
Under the sea
In an octopus's garden
In the shaaaade.
(See, that's why he's cool!)

While others search the sea floor for awesome steampunk accessories:

By Over the Top Cakes

"Yesss... I shall glue some gearsss on it, and call it 'ssssteampunk!' Mwah-ha-haa!"

(Not sure why I think octopi sound like vampire snakes, but there ya go.)

Now you might think that octopodes are the only things with tentacles. NOT SO.

There are also the giant squids in storybooks:

By Sweet Fix

In this case, literally.
(See what I did there? LITERALLY?!)

And fashion-forward Disney villains:

By Cake Central member e-cakefactory

Ursula, dahling, you've never looked more delectable!

...and who can forget the infamous Davy Jones?

By Rub-a-Duckie

EEEK!! Ok, gotta be honest: this thing is WAY too realistic for me. Amazing, yes, but I swear I can see his "beard" squirming. [shudder]

Yep, I'm going to need some serious cute to recover from that.

By MyCakeSchool (photo tutorial at the link)

Ahh, that's better. Such a sweet design, and I like the writing in the sugar "sand."

What is it about a little octopus in a sailor hat that makes him look so huggable, anyway?

By D Bar Denver

D'awwww. And if I'm not mistaken, those are sugar glass gems on the top tier and on the wire sprigs. Way to whip out the SKILLZ, guys!

Now, I know my fellow geeks are waiting for a Cthulhu cake, but I've gotta tell you, I think we posted the best one just a few months ago for Halloween - and believe it or not, good Cthulhu cakes are hard to find!

Besides, just picture this next guy with a body and wings and a seeping aura of horror, and that's basically Cthulhu right there:

By Kathy Cakes

(Can you believe this is cake? 'Cuz I'm not sure I can!)

Oh! And of course we can't talk about amazing octopus cakes without this famous showstopper:

By Highland Bakery

That's 200 pounds of airbrushed awesomeness, right there. Ahhhh-MAZING.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Gee, if you love octopuses so much, why don't you get married with 'em?"

Oh, you mean like with this super-fantabulous wedding cake?

By Cake Central member RejectedSeoul

EXCELLENT IDEA, you!

Now, just throw in a few cute little seahorses, and I am SO THERE.

And finally, I'm going to end with this stunning, mildly bizarre, excessively tentacley example of cakey goodness:

By Fire and Icing

Wowza. Tentacles have never looked more elegant.

And bizarre.

But mostly elegant.

Happy Sunday!

*****

These reversible plush octopuses from Tee Turtle are all the rage right now: nearly 60,000 reviews, and they come in over 25 fun color combos:

TeeTurtle Reversible Octopus Plushie

Not only are they adorable and fun to play with, but most of the styles flip from happy to sad, so a lot of parents use them as a helpful communication tool with their kids. Love that.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: