Barking Up The Wrong Cake

So there I was, looking through thousands of awful wedding cake pics - as one does on a typical Tuesday night (WHAT) - when I started to notice an odd trend: tree cakes.

I don't mean the beautiful blossoming vines we see so often:

Loverly.

And I don't mean stump cakes, which Jen has devoted a whole tag to in iPhoto because we have that many:

Stumperly.

No, I mean a dead tree plastered up the side of a wedding cake.

Like this:

We really don't get enough opportunities to eat things the color of wet concrete.

Sometimes, in an effort to make the tree look slightly less dead, a baker will add "leaves":

Or "flowers":

"It just so happens this tree is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead... and all dead.

"Now hand me that knife, and we'll split the difference."

My favorite, though, is the baker who opted to liven up a dead tree with polka dots:

They're just so festive. In a pox-like kind of way. (Pox-ish?)

Like a festival of pox.
Woowoo!

Tell you what, bakers, why not stick to what we know? Simple, beautiful, blossoming vines.

Okay, maybe these could use a few polka dots.

Thanks to Amy L., Allison N., Daniel & Kim, Katy G., Layne L., Jon D., & Linda N. for branching out.

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From The Baker Formerly Known As Prince

I was working part time in a bakery line
My boss was Mr. Wreckie
He told me several times that he didn't like my signs
'Cuz I spelled too "creatively"

Soon he had me lookin' for something else to "destroy"
But different from the day before

That's when I saw it - Oooh, I saw it!
I dropped it right on the tile floor (tile floor).

It was a
Raaaaaspberry purée

The kind you grind and then reheat to pour

Raaaaspberry purée

And if it gets warm it starts to look like gore

Raaaspberry purée

I think I loooove you.

Mr. Wreckie
Now, had the nerve to ask me
If I planned to do him any harm

I told him, "Look, man,
I was only bakin'
Surely NO cause for alarm!"

I said now, jelly roll cakes never turned me on
But somehow the purée and bread mixed

Eeee-eEEEE-ee! That was a fright!
But I could tell Wreckie missed me;
Soon I was back to my old tricks:

Thanks to the
Raaaaaspberry purée
The kind you grind and then reheat to pour

Raaaaspberry purée
And if it gets warm it starts to look like gore

(EW!)

Raaaspberry purée
I think I loooove you.

***

 (Goodnight, sweet Prince.)

Thanks to Diana S., Jillian, Katelyn C., Leigh E., Tara S., Jamie B., Renee, Michelle M., Elizabeth C., and Megan P. for showing us what it sounds like when doves cry.  

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