The Bride And Groan

Today's post is dedicated to all the engaged couples out there. That's right, lovebirds, I thought we might take this opportunity to consider the most important cake of your entire lives: your wedding cake.

Now, I know I feature a lot of wedding wrecks, and I know a lot of folks will point out that asking for a fondant design recreated in buttercream is asking for disaster, but don't you worry. I'm here to help. After all, this is what Leah D. ordered for HER wedding cake:


And look what she got!

It's the tinfoil-covered cookie sheet that really sells it.


Ok, yes, it's a wreck. BUT - did you notice how the inspiration cake was all buttercream, and the wreck itself is fondant? I'm just sayin'. It works both ways.

Now, don't you feel better?

No?

Ok, then how about what Susan A. ordered for her wedding? 

Not a great picture (you don't see mimeographs much these days), but I think you get the general idea.

 And here's what Susan got:

Granted, I'm not sure how this is supposed to make you feel better, but trust me, guys: the REST of us are feeling grrrrr-REAT. (John! Go make some popcorn! These are gettin' GOOD.)

 

Sara M. wanted her wedding cake to be a hunk a' hunk a' burnin' love:

The cake! The cake! The cake is on FI-YUR!

 

But instead, her cake just suffered from a mild burning sensation and performance issues:

Wah-WAAAAH.

(That was my attempt at a slide-rule trombone effect. I know: I'm a veritable foley artist with words.)

 

And finally, Elizabeth P. dreamed a dream of ribbon-wrapped sweetness for her big day:


...but ended up with something only a mummy could love:

Ouch. Uh...that's a wrap!

 

Thanks to all of today's brides and just remember, guys: wreck or Sweet, we're gonna need to see your wedding cake! (Oh, and we're all invited, right? RIGHT?!)

*****

P.S. When you don't have a cake to express yourself, there's always this:

(Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want To Be Here T-shirt)

Comes in lots more colors and also mens' styles at the link.

*****

And from my other blog Epbot:

Lean On Me

Everybody clap your hands and sway a little, k?

 

Some guys and their wives
See only shame
See only sorrrrrow

 

But if they are wise
they know that wrecks
Are so much more, oh!

 

Lean on me
When you're stacked wrong!

 

And I'll be your end
I'll mock you WITH this song

 

For
It won't be lo-oo-ong
Until gravity

Makes sure that you're cleeean gone!

 

Please, don't tell the bride
If it's a wreck, it needs no intro

 

For
no one can tell; maybe she'll need
something sweet to throw!

 

Lean on me!
When you're stacked wrong

And I'll be your end
I'll mock you WITH this song

 

For
It won't be long
Until gravity

Makes sure that you're clean gone!

 

You just call on your mother
When you need a hand

These cakes need somebody to leeeean on!

 

I just might have a Pisa
That we never planned

These cakes need somebody to leeean on!

 

Just faaaalll free!
(If you need to end)
Faaaaallll free
Oh, wreck it, now!

Faa-AAA-aalll
free-ee-eeeeee!!

 

Thanks to Steve, Deanne M., James N., Rachel O., Jessica R., Carol Anne, Kat B., Richard B., Anony M., & Rebecca Z. for the wedding crash course.

[Get it? Instead of 'main course?' Eh? OH C'MON THAT WAS AWESOME.]

*****

P.S. Anyone want to bring vintage style pins back? Because this entire set of 7 lovelies is only $12:

7 Pc Women's Brooch Set

OooOOOooh. I think the owl is my favorite. And the peacock. And the dragonfly.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: