This Made Me Laugh 'Til I Cried

So I was putzin' around on google image search, looking at cakes, of course, when I stumbled across this picture:

Which, you know, made me kind of curious.

So I went to the originating site of the photo and read the corresponding blog post. It's written by Scott of Basic Instructions, which you should definitely check out sometime. Anyway, by the time I finished reading his post I was crying with laughter, and I knew I could not post his cake photo without the whole story attached. I e-mailed him and got his permission, and so without further ado, here it is:

"I had a day job as an office manager for the Seattle office of an international firm. We found out that one of our employees was transferring to one of our offices in China. When one of our people would leave, we usually had a little wing-ding with drinks and cake on the departing employee's last Thursday in the office, so on Tuesday it fell to me to fax a cake order into our nearest Costco Bakery.

I should point out that on that day I had a headache so bad that it hurt to move my eyes. Ordering the cake was the last thing I did before I went home sick for the afternoon. As I filled out the order form, I realized that in addition to the personalized message ("Good Luck in China," in this case) we could also get a large decoration for no extra charge. I looked at the options and none of them were appropriate. They were all things like teddy bears, balloons, or race cars. Crap, in other words. I figured if none of them were appropriate, I might as well get something that made no sense whatsoever.

I put a check mark next to the word "Fireman."

The next morning (Wednesday), lying in bed just before getting up, my mind wandered over the previous day and all the things I had accomplished. My eyes snapped open as I thought, "What did I do!? Why did I order a fireman? That makes no sense!!! I'm going to look like an idiot!"

I went to work, intent on calling the Costco as soon as they opened and stopping the cake before it started. I still had a day before I was supposed to pick it up. I figured that should be plenty of time. After some effort, I got hold of the bakery manager, only to be told that the cake had already been made. It was too late. I figured I'd just have to stand up straight and take it like a man.

My wife and I went to Costco to pick up the cake. When I got to the bakery, this is what was waiting for me.

(see above picture)

Making the hose flesh-toned had been a very bad move.

At first all I could do was blink at it and wonder, "Am I the only one who sees a giant wang?" I looked at my wife. She was blinking at the cake. An awkward silence and a few stammered sentences later we established that we both saw the same thing. A fireman holding an immense, dripping wang.

I could not serve this cake to my coworkers.

My first thought was that I would just absorb the cost of a second cake and pretend this never happened. Then I thought, "Wait a minute! This is not an erotic bakery! This is Costco! I should be able to order any stupid cake I want and be confident that it will not be sexually charged."

While at the checkout line I found a Costco employee to complain to, and showed him the cake. He blinked at it. I told him I was uncomfortable serving this cake at a place of business, and he started laughing and looking relieved.

Here’s what I came to realize about the cake. The obscene image was just obvious enough that you can't help but recognize it, but also obviously innocent enough that you don't want to say anything for fear that you're the only one who sees it.

Soon I was surrounded by several Costco employees who were looking at the cake and laughing. They explained that they had a new cake decorator who was a deeply religious woman from a foreign country, as if that explained everything. At one point while we were hammering out a settlement a woman happened by, caught a glimpse of the cake, covered her mouth and gasped. Good stuff."

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Sunday Sweets Kicks It Old School

Let's talk piping, peeps.

Because nothing shows off a baker's talent - or makes our jaws drop - quite like this business right here:

(By Finespun Cakes)

That's a style known as Lambeth, named for Joseph Lambeth, who popularized it back in the 1930s.

You'll know a Lambeth cake by its over-the-top frills and use of overpiping, which creates all that fabulous detail and depth:

(By Rosebud Cakes)

Of course Lambeth cakes are a bit old-fashioned now, but never fear, piping purists! Some bakers are doing their darndest to bring Lambeth to the next generation, with STUNNING results:

(By Aniko Vargane Orban)

No words. Only grabby hands.

Or how about this one?

(By Cakeium)

Check out those crisp clean lines! And still all hand-piped. AH-mazing.

While we're throwing back to classic cake skills, let's talk Oriental Stringwork.

(By David Cakes)

This gravity-defying sorcery is achieved with Royal icing, which hardens to a porcelain-like consistency. Believe it or not, that net is handpiped icing, y'all. HAND-PIPED ICING.

Bakers are using string work in modern designs now, too, which makes me so, so happy:

(By Pauline Bakes The Cake)

See how the filigree section stands out from the cake?

And note the hanging borders on this black and white number:

(By KupKake Tree)

I'm all about that middle tier with the flower, though. Soooo pretty.

Oh! And these colors!

(By Cake Decor India)

I never knew how much I needed this color combo in my life, you guys. SO GOOD.

(Btw, to achieve those upward loops? The baker has to turn the cake upside down. Mad skillz, my friends.)

Here's one so perfect you'll swear it can't be cake:

(By SifBeth)

See those tiny, TINY lines all around the border? HAND-PIPED.

Jumping back to a Lambeth style for this oh-so-sweet number:

(By Craftsy member FlourSugarButtr)

Another fantastic color palette, and don't be fooled by how smooth those ropes are; the base may be fondant, but all the piping is, well, PIPING.

And one final Sweet for now:

(By Beyond Buttercream)

Bakers, you are KILLING it with the color choices today. Rock on with your bad selves.

And the rest of you, look closely at those chained string borders. HAND. PIPED.

Hope you guys enjoyed our little glimpse into modern cake mastery! If you're interested, I highly recommend Googling both "Lambeth" and "Oriental Stringwork", because there's so, SO much more than I could show you here today.

Happy Sunday, and happy browsing!

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

And from my other blog, Epbot: