Tell Me That's Not A Spinal Cord Made Of Icing Flowers

It's time again to plumb the depths of that most bizarre and inexplicable place:

The mind... OF A CAKE DECORATOR.

Buckle up, it's going to be a wrecky ride.

I can't decide if these are supposed to be teeth, eyeballs, or mini-marshmallows:

...but whatever they are, they are definitely bleeding out.

So...

Happy BiRtHDAY!

When you need to put on just enough fondant to call it a "fondant cake":

Not since the great Target Cookie Mountain of last June has something made me squint at my monitor this hard:

It looks like layers of canned whipped cream between sugar wafers? With Stay Puft knows what in the middle?

Allllllrighty then.

I left the label showing for all of you rushing out the door to go buy one. TRAITORS. Enjoy your soggy sugar wafers.

Look, there's no denying this next cake is lovely. The piping is exquisite, the writing is legible, and the pink fuzzy balls have never looked pinker or fuzzier:

But... why? WHYYYYYY

"OK, so we need it to look like a spinal cord, set inside stretched open skin, only make it with flowers."

"PERFECT."

[alien screeching and popping noises, followed by a loud hissing roar]

"PERFECT."

And finally, I probably shouldn't include this next one, because something about it screams "homemade" to me:

It could be the ripped-off doll's head. Or the store-bought candles. Or the actual screaming.

Anyway, if I ever make it to 113 or 114, please don't serve this.

I'll take the pink fuzzy balls instead.

Thanks to Jodee R., Joe V., Lisa W., Ann R., Rebekah R., Grace G., Kait C., & Missy D. for getting a head in the wreckage game.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Droning It In

Ever wish that a fully decorated cake would just fall into your lap? Well now, thanks to unmanned drone technology, IT CAN.

That's right, a bakery in Shanghai, China recently began using drones to deliver their cakes. DRONES, you guys. Flying drones.

This may be the most brilliant creation ever invented, my friends. In fact, I'm suddenly feeling a lot less bitter about my lack of hoverboards and self-lacing sneakers. Flying robots delivering cake? Never mind, future: I'M GOOD.

Plus, drone-dropped cakes are great for so many occasions! You know, like:

Mother's Day:

Birthdays:

... and baby showers!

Even small orders will get that special "droned in" touch:

Oh, and can't forget The Big Day!

 

Not to worry; I'm sure that'll spring right back...

 Yes, my friends, the future is finally here, and the future is good. A little smooshed, sure, but good - and I, for one...

What's that, you say? 

China has GROUNDED the cake drones? Because the cakes might fall on someone or whatever?

Ok, I take it back. 

GIMMIE MY HOVERBOARD, FUTURE.

Thanks to Jessica S., Karra A., Lindsay S., David P., Seanna B., Rachel O., Jessy A., & Jessica R. for dropping by.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

And from my other blog, Epbot: