My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

No Bologna

My cupcakes have a sperm theme

Just look, see, there they are!


My sheet cake teems with swimmers

They're leaving mental scars.


Oh we see these wrecks here every day

And if you ask me why I'll saaaaayyy...


'Cause Wreckerators have a way


with piping human DNA.


Thanks to Valerie A., Angel K., Stacey, Suzy W., and Caitlin W. for sowing the seeds of this post.

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Reader Comments (47)

The multi-colour fertility cake is missing an important hue. Perhaps the wreckorator doesn't know:
"Red wigglers, the Cadillac of sperm!"
(Or maybe the red ones just went on ahead.)

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

It took me half the post to figure out the song, but once I figured that out, it fit perfectly. The last line is the touchdown! I love that you're one of the writers now, Sharyn! You deserve it!

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Sharyn, stuck in the middle of the hurricane-thanks for the laughs XD

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Sowing the seeds of love, indeed.

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Each giant green sperm
gets a whole egg to itself.
Bedeviled, of course.

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I find the last cake particularly scintillating as it appears to portray the very moment when the eggs (white, with yolks, yet!) are pierced by the little green sperm. It's very "Mutual of Omaha Wild KIngdom!"

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWeepoodle

To be fair, if the "19" cake is for a guy, it's kind of appropriate. Otherwise.... bleeehhhh <shudder>
Great job as usual, Sharyn, although I'll probably have to explain the song to my kids and receive the, "Wow, mom, you're OLD!" comments. :-)

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterbmbagain803

Ok, now I will have that ear worm all day and will never be able to sing the song correctly again. Now, that last one was just bad because those swimmers and ovum appear to be deliberate... What would possess a person to order a cake like that and serve it to a group?????

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSandy in SoFla

It's sick.
It's twisted.
It's the latest series of Wrecks!
It's time to go back to bed and have nightmares.

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermiladyblue

Three things stand out for me here:

1) Most of these you can tell are just badly executed balloons that unfortunately look like something else, but in the "19" cake, what were they going for;
2) On the "Feliz Cumpleanos" cake, I get that the "balloons" are yellow and the "strings" are green, but why the red dots? Just didn't have enough color?
3) On Richard's cake, why does he have three pink candles and one white candle? Did the baker run out or was this a conscious choice and if so, why?

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

I feel that, in this case, some plastic flotsam balloons would not be remiss. :-/

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTiffany

I think this may be the first time we've seen the fertilization theme

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterauntie meme

apparently all these cakes were made by bakers in the navy -- they bear the mark of seamen....

@ Sharyn: looks like you've joined the team -- congrats!
@ all the commentors in the path of the storm: be safe and be well....

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel


My monitor hates you now.

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Well, for things that are supposed to look like balloons: WHY???

The third one looks like some strange breasts with pasties. The last one, a very graphic display of the moment of fertilization.

But that second one: What ARE those things?!?

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNewb

Bravo Sharyn!! Nicely done!

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteremmbeedee

Slightly disappointing that only a couple of them actually looked like sperm. There's innuendo in everything if you look hard enough, and it's only funny if you can see it without having to squint and want it to be there.

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarrieVS

There's a memory lurking in my brain... something about "Doctor Meyer has a way / Of replicating DNA". It might be from the radio comedy show some of my friends did, probably when Dolly the cloned sheep was in the news.

I don't think we did the obvious follow-up: "I wish I was Doctor Meyer's weiner..."

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoel Polowin

@mel and @Jen: Thanks! (It's so much fun...)

@mindy1 (and everyone else in Sandy's path): Stay safe, and good luck riding out the storm.

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Sharyn, that was fantastic!
Richard's cake looks a little like blue boobies with tassels.

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

Great job, Sharyn!!

@HaikuJoy: Bedeviled, indeed!

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

Wow, I'm stuck inside due to the hurricane, and now I've got a huge desire to go make a hurricane baby! Or eat some cold cuts.

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Swimmers. How appropriate for those of us in Hurricane Sandy's path. Thanks for the smile.

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkxross

What does the last cake say?!?

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranon

Love it! :D

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKim in ID


The last cake says "Feliz Cumpleanos Mateo". It's a Spanish birthday cake for someone named Mateo. I really hope he just thought those were odd balloons on his cake.

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

"with piping human DNA"
ROTFL!!!!!! Ah, Sharyn. What a gift you have.
@haikujoy -- bravo
@mel -- hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Stay dry and safe, everyone

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

I agree with Tiffany. These cakes provide the best argument for the inclusion of plastic flotsam balloons that I have ever seen. What were they aiming for on the 19 cake though? I have no idea. If it was streamers or confetti, perhaps they should have used sprinkles.

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

Gonna have the oscar meyer song going through my head ALLLLLL DAY now, thanks a bunch ;)

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMk

@Anon - it's Spanish for "Happy Birthday, Matthew". The only reason I know this is my son Matthew has Hispanic friends :-)

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterbmbagain803

All I can think is: "Evvvvvvery sperm is Sa-cred!"

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKate

It's disappointing that you'd criticize these artists' seminal works

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStevenHB

I have a store near me that regularly makes what I call "rainbow sperm cake". I know they're supposed to be balloons but... I think they're where gay babies come from!

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline

Joel, that sounds like something from Firesign Theater, the home of Dr. Science ("because he knows more than you do.")

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTXRed

proliferation in the

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Just.So.Deliciously.Wrong. tee hee

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

Richard's cake isn't sperm... it's exploding blue nipples. >__<

October 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCara

Great now I can never look at a balloon quite the same way ever again lmao. Ah well..there goes my love of cupcakes too for that matter. Boy if I see any of those cakes when I go shop I will just burst into laughter and probably be taken away by security. Lol it will be so worth it.

October 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Okay, I'm totally lost and confused over the song. Ayudame por favor.

October 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterL.B.

@ Haiku Joy: your second post is Just. Perfect. But I also hope you can top it! Limp wiggly balloons NEED restrained poetry to justify their (disturbingly frequent) appearances here..

October 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBJ

Nineteen cake depicts not
a Petri dish of sperm, but
a pool of lugworms.

And yes, "lugworm" was a Word of the Day this semester, and possibly the grossest Word of the Day I have ever selected since I began Words of the Day 13 semesters ago. I never thought it would come in handy so soon after teaching it.

October 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Sharyn, your skill with song parodies would make Weird Al Yankovic tip his hat to you! :-D

October 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDenita TwoDragons

Ew. I just googled "lugworm".

October 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I do not disguise the grossness of the lugworm community.

October 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

@L.B. it's an old commercial you can see here I hope! (Unless YouTube blocks your region or something)

October 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

The post was great ("piping human DNA" FTW!), but can I just say how delighted and amused I am that Haiku Joy has returned to us? :)

October 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLis

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