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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Inside The Twisted Mind Of john

And so I says to her, I says, "Hey lady! Let me give you a HAND with that!"



Thanks to Nancy L., Laura C., & Sahara H. for letting me get that out. I feel muuuuch better now.


Edit- Yes. The blue one is supposed to be Ponyo and no, it's not bad. I just liked her expression opposite the maniacal Valentine's day flying heart of doom. Have a nice day.

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Reader Comments (72)

AAHAHAHAHA!! That is great. Also, I totally read the part in quotations in the voice of a Fiery from Labyrinth.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda H.

So, today's song is obviously:

"They're Coming to Take John Away" ;)

(Quick, everybody, let's hide him in the bunker! It's fully stocked and Theardare will protect him!!!)

Her expression is priceless. So are his eyebrows.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Behind the swimming (drowning?) cake is the bakery's motto, which I am guessing reads "WE DELIVER MEMORIES". So, looking at the cake, which is 99% well-made, I have to wonder, what sort of memories are they trying to deliver? "Hey, remember that time you almost drowned? Yeah, good times." Or is it more benign: "Wasn't it fun being goosed by a fish?" (which sounds weird, now that I think about it). Or the more horrific "I just thought you'd want some cake to feel better about being attacked by a shark."

Either way, those aren't memories I'd want put on my cake.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMarnie T


May 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1


May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKrysmon

HAHAHAHA!!! This was amazing, John!

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRenee


May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Is it bad that I think the third cake is cute? And perfect for this post!

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

So sometimes I get a little scared of some of these wrecks and I like that I can scroll down and get away from them... But NOT today! thanks, now I'll be terrified all day of red evil Einsteins.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMs anthrope

The 'swimming' lady - thank goodness someone figured that out - is clearly thinking 'SOMETHING BRUSHED MY LEG.'

I cannot even begin to imagine what the 'message' on that cookie is. Other than 'you're never sleeping again'.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

The creeptastic red thing reminds me of a sunburn gremlin. Bleh, it gives me the willies!

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJess T

The devil cake only looks scary because he has Uncle Leo eyebrows.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaxmom

The drowning cake is well done. Weird but not necessarily a wreck if it is what the customer ordered.

The other two are deeply in WTF-land.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJessie

Well, I wasn't really looking forward to sleeping anyway.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHolly Folly

The girl looks to me like Ponyo from the animated film. Maybe?

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterK

Oh, Laxmom! Uncle Leo eyebrows! I'll be randomly bursting into laughter about that all day!

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTaffy Cake

What I find amazing is not the freaky cakes, but the fact that John's mind has such a strange bend. Stop and think how many readers have been fooled. How many have written here and on Epbot "Oooh, Jen, John is such a saint! A gem! A great guy!" And all along he has covered up this twisted streak! Well!

Way to go, John. You're my kinda guy.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

They are coming to take me away
hee hee ha ha Thanks Sharyn!

I'm right beside you John!!(thoj)
Open the bunker door wide...there may be a few of us.
Hopefully we find Haiku Joy...any tea left?

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEla

That's a heart? I though it was the severed head of a manical demon with wings for ears. My bad.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

Is the brown dot in the flying heart's eye a crumb? Or.... or wait, do I want to know?

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarin

I'm detecting a movie theme here....
Cake 1: The Hand...a 1981 horror film about an artist's severed hand that runs off and murders people...and at the end answered the question, What is the sound of one hand clapping...
Cake 2:cult classic, Killer Klowns From Outter Space...and its sequel...
Cake 3: that family friendly, summer vacation picture about the joys of scuba diving in open water, called, ironically enough, Open Water....

Good work, john (thoj)!

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

Shame on all of you...these are obviously for a burn victim, a drowning victim and a traumatic amputee, and as such deserve only our deepest sympathy! If you have trouble summoning up the sympathy, I suggest you dip your hand in hot, hot water... Get it? Hand? Hot? Water? *sigh*

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFran_kly

That's supposed to be Ponyo? Yeah, not impressed. The hair's all wrong. As well as the eyes. And, okay, everything. I know I'm a Ghibli snob, and I'm okay with that. The expression is hysterical, but if I ordered a Ponyo cake, I would NOT be happy with this.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNagzilla

Oh man, that heart guy looks like a CREEPIER version of Ricardio from Adventure Time...which I did not think was possible. :|

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMarisa

Please remind me to never visit that manicurist. The horror!

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

heart? valentines day? I thought it was supposed to be a maniacal clown... really I thought it was supposed to be a clown!

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

The creepy heart thing reminds me of the Ice King's heart named Ricardo from Adventure Time.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMeghan

I’ve taken another look at that third cake. On second glance, I thought was it was a representation of a young woman rumored to have fallen off the boat during the Great Flood – Joan of Ark, but upon closer inspection, I think the figure is really a young man, Antoni Poppelli.

It is not often we get to see a cake made in honor of Antoni Poppelli. His name has all but faded away in the annals of history. He was the son of Antoni Poppelli, Sr., known to his friends as “Poppa,” a fisherman centuries ago. Poppa had a small boat and made a modest living at his trade, and he and one or two of his friends would take their boats to sea together to fish. A religious man, Poppa did not like to fish on Sunday, but if the fish were there, well, off he and his friends went. However, before beginning the day’s work, Poppa would gather all the boats together for a brief blessing. He had made a small table upon which he placed two candles and a small wooden cross to serve as a focal point for their prayers. Antoni would then swim out in front of the boats (he was an excellent swimmer as his great grandmother was from Poland...thus making him a tad pole) with the table and then hold it up so it didn’t sink as his father conducted the brief service. And thus history was made, and this cake celebrates Antoni Poppelli, the first altar buoy.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

It reminds me of Tom Lehrer's "I hold your hand in mine"

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAbs42

Cake #1: Ummmm........................what?

Cake #2: That's a heart? I was thinking really bad sunburn.

Cake #3: I would be terrified too if that "heart" thing was looking at me like that.

Also, did anyone else hear the Psycho shower scene music as we zoomed in on those, dare I call them, cakes?

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTiffany

Well, this is definitely creepy. I mean, imagine standing there with your giant slicing knife, waiting to cut into that . . . . hand. Ugh. Happy birthday to me and the 17 margaritas I'll have to drink to drown out the terror of my cake.

And the red-faced demon heart thing? That's the perfect representation of how my day is going. :-( And the weather here in Nebraska. They are predicing snow accumulation tonight and tomorrow. In MAY? AAACK!!!

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

All I'm getting is the scene in the art gallery in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, with the close ups!

Imagine a gallery of cake wrecks...

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMitch

Ooo...Kkkaaayy, John, here's a niiice book filled with pretty pictures for you to look at, okay, John? Good, good... *holds up copy of Farside book* Now I'm just going to leave you alone with some crayons and paper, and you can draw your ideas for me. Won't that be nice, John? Good, good. *Backs away slowly, then turns and runs*

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

OH NO NOT AGAIN how are you in my dreams!?!?! :D hahaha

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

That was a flying heart? I thought it was an evil clown, like Dr. Rockzo. He gives me the shivers.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

If anyone needs me, I'll be hiding under my desk this afternoon from the evil scary clown thing.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThe Black Dog

@Sharyn: Brilliant.

@mel: *huge grin*

John(thoJ): Great! Now all the fondant babies are crying! *Comforts tiny fondant infants while devising a plan to construct a Superman-esque capsule to ship @Haiku Joy her babies*

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

Flying heart???? I thought it was Albert Einstein with a bad spray tan!!!!

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

I saw the facebook picture first. Because it is a closeup I didn't get the full effect. I immediately thought Cassandra got sunburned, they should have added sunscreen to her moisturizer.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDiddlesgirl

It's Ricardio! Enjoy the notion that he was voiced by George Takei.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHannele

Thanks for clarifying the third "thing" as a flying heart. I couldn't figure out what holiday would prompt a cake with Old Man Satan on it.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

I thought the heart of Ricardio from Adventure Time...OOOOH MYYYY!

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHmiller

@mel you're my hero!
I get swamped at work for a few days and can't come play and this is what I find when I come back? john(thoJ) has lost his mind and you're all hiding in the bunker?

That heart thingy scares the crap outta me!
Move over...I want to hide too!

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

LOL at "Uncle Leo eyebrows"! Now I'll have that scene of the penciled-in eyebrows in my head all day.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLeah

The heart(?) bears a striking resemblance to Giulietta, the fork seen at 0:26 here:

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPenny W

"maniacal Valentine's day flying heart of doom"

So that's what that was . . . .

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

I have a classic song to go along with the first Happy birthday cake that John will love. "I Hold Your Hand in Mind" by the awesome Tom Lehrer. Here's a YouTube link. Under 2 mins.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSue W.

I loved every single moment of this post.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMelody

Wait, that's supposed to be a flying heart? I thought it was a mad scientist with a sunburn! I'm officially freaked out by that one cake. I think I'm going to have nightmares.

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

The heart cake looks like Ricardio from Adventure Time!,d.aWc&psig=AFQjCNF23r2HS1_-WZ10xbINu7JF3MP86A&ust=1367524676102670

May 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

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