Keep It Simple, Keep It Safe

Much like land wars in Asia and dealing with your in-laws, ordering a cake is all about keeping certain information to yourself.

You don't leak state secrets, you don't say you hated last Sunday's casserole, and you never, EVER, tell a baker what size to write the 75:



In fact, try to avoid giving your bakery any information you don't have to. Too much information just gums up the works, you guys. It's confusing. It's risky.

For example, does the bakery need to know WHY you want Kelly's cake in orange and blue?

No. No, it does not.


And if you don't want a name on the birthday cake, it's really not a good idea to ask for the icing to be "Tiffany blue."

A rose by any other name may smell as sweet, but your-friend-who-isn't-named-Tiffany's gonna be pissed.


Hey, speaking of names, did you know there's a singer named Yolanda Adams?

I didn't. Neither did this next baker.

So saying, "Like the singer Yolanda Adams" might not be as helpful as you think:



And finally, minions, if you provide a photo reference for your cake order, like this:

Then let the photo do the talking, so to speak. Don't add more. Don't go on to say that you want the bakery to "make it as Mexican as possible."

Because you know what's really, REALLY Mexican?

(This is not the set up for a racist joke, I swear.)

The Mexican flag.

(The green pitchforks, not so much.)


Thanks to Sarah M., Morgan W., Mary P., Sandra G., & Mar O., who Sauron what I did there with the title.


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