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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen


Based on the wrecks I see each day, I'm starting to think most decorators are completely incapable of making a cake that looks like an animal. Any animal. In fact, I'm not entirely sure any of them have ever actually seen an animal. So as a public service, let's do a little review:


This... is a duck.


This... is not a duck.

[tilting head]

Nope.  Not a duck.


This is a baby porcupine:

 I'm terrified, yet I would very much like to nuzzle him.


This is a baby Darth Maul:

I'm terrified, yet I would very much like to eat his face.

This is a dog:

 You can tell because it looks a lot like a dog.


This... is a lemon... poodle...


(It's a new breed.)


These are swans:

They're totally necking.

(Hey, Jen! I made a pun!)


These are the fabled Golden Anteaters of Madagascar:

I like to think they just finished slurping a spaghetti noodle.


 And finally, this is an elephant:

"Talk about your trunk space, check this action out!"


And this is the crumple-horned snorkack:

"Fabulous, Harry, I love the crumples."


Thanks to Sarah A., Vanessa D., Carissa, Terri C., and Jared S., who know it's not easy making an Aladdin/Harry Potter mashup joke, but that's just the kind of dedication we have here at CW.


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Reader Comments (36)

Hahahahahahaha!!! Yup, those are some awful 'animals' there. Love the mashup, John (thoj).

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen S

Something about the last one reminds me of Alf. Just needs a shock of hair...

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermiss paper

This is a dog. U .o .o U

This is a duck. 8B

And this is an elephant. B8=====

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAllie

Oh John (thoj) and Jen, you two made me laugh*snort at work once again. It's a good thing I'm the attorney in charge of involuntarily committing people, or my coworkers might nominate me for that process myself!

I don't know which I like better today. They are all equally wrecktastic! The "duck" will give me nightmares. I'm with @miss paper -- the last one is Alfesque. I want a golden anteater of Madagascar -- and a lemon poodle (of DOOM!).

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

And that last one is a cupcake "cake", too? Double wrecky!

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterErica

That elephant went on a heck of a diet plan. Was it Atkins?

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKimS

I love Baby Darth Maul's little coffee bean... Um... Eyes? Nostrils? Whatever...

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

I read the comment over the third cake as "lemon PUDDLE of doom". Which may be an even better description of this mess of a cake. From now on, when life goes to crap, I will think of myself as drowning in the Lemon Puddle of Doom.

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBluebonnet

I thought the last one looks to me like Mr. Snuffalupagus, except for colour.

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMargo Lynn


July 27, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Well, if there wasn't Aladdin/HP fanfic before this, there is now. Way to go, guys. WHAT HORRORS HAVE YOU UNLEASHED UPON US.

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSkatie

The first baker is obviously a Pokemon fan since they tried to make it look like Ducklett. :-)

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterTova

Aw c'mon! That last one is/was supposed to be an elephant? No. No way. Back in the day, when mixed tequila and hallucinogens in our bong water, we would not have seen an elephant in that depressing mess.
It takes a lot to make cake unappetizing for me (Lenin and gel uteruses come to mind) but I would NOT want to put a bite of that yech in my mouth. Eww.

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSmarie

Snorting and laughing uncontrollably! OMG! John (thoj) you totally outdid your bad self! Woo Hoo!

However I must say something: The Lemon Poodle of Doom might also be the feared Chernobyl Zombie Dog.. Yeah... fur shure!

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO1230

What are decorators smoking? Those "swans" look like the instant martians from the Marvin/Bugs Bunny cartoons...

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

Please don't lump ALL decorators in with these supermarket decorators. "Most decorators" wouldn't allow this kind of crap to leave the back room of a real bakery.

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDiane

I think my kid just got the last one on Pokemon Go. Gotta catch 'em all!

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLuLu

I just want to know how you knew that very strange snorkack was meant to be an elephant.....

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered Commentercookie grammy

Those are the best anteaters I have ever seen in frosting. Hands down.

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSarahbeth

In all fairness the first does look somewhat like a Psyduck (it's a Pokemon for those not in the know). :-)

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

How do you clean chewed-upp sandwich off a laptop keyboard and screen? Because tht's what I spluted over them when I came to the fabled golden anteaters of Madagascar.

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterzeph

Yup, sick Alf, definitely sick Alf.

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCBushLite

That "duck" looks a lot like the "baby" from Eraserhead!

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterShari

OK - ET with a platypus beak was bad enough but that last one.... I keep sitting here twisting my head in different directions trying to make sense of it. All I see is a frothy gray dog bone that's been dropped on the floor a few too many times!

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNaughty Nautilus

The duck is obviously a witch! Burn her!

Now how can we prove she's made of wood?

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

I think the "porcupine" cake was intended to be a hedgehog. No nearer the mark, mind you.

Shari: speaking of Eraserhead, I still shudder when I see a hot water bottle swaddled in a blanket.

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNanalettie

Okay, now I have to go and start a garage band for the express purpose of naming it Lemon Poodle Of Doom.

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDr Handle

Sorry, Jen, you need to file the second one under 'Missed Marks'. That is actually a very well-done "Apple Hedgehog", which is a classic Victorian dessert dish.

See what it is and how to make one here:

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered Commenternancy1745

Ahem. That is a TASMANIAN DOUBLE RECURVED crumple-horned snorkack. I'm almost absolutely positive, maybe. Or a horsie.

July 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAl the K

Humor and education, all in one place! Thanks to nancy1745, it appears I'll be wasting the rest of my evening watching videos about Victorian cooking. Apple Hedgehog, though clever, doesn't seem like it would be very flavorful. Plain sugar syrup for cooking, sugar and egg white frosting. I think I'd add some cinnamon!

July 28, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

That is the best (and the only) crumple-horned snorkack I have ever seen.

July 28, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKyle

Well, duh. The last one is a wrinkled grey lobster.
Sheesh. Haven't you people ever been to the ocean?

Well that elephant sure has a huge trunk. It lost all it's body weight lol. As for the "duck" that thing would give me nightmares for a long time if someone brought that home.

July 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

It's a cake doing duck-face for the pic.

July 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaryD

Love the "Aladdin" reference at the end.

"Fabulous, Harry, I love the crumples."

February 15, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMike

Since when do cake ducks fail to put on makeup? -_-

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterFrisk

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