Hunker Down, and WRITE IT OUT

Sometimes I feel like a cake archeologist, minions. I inspect the clues, sift through the remains, and try to figure out what happened in the past.

For example....

Something terrible has happened here.

Some events are pretty straightforward:

The old "ran out of icing" story.

There's also the classic "Too lazy to change the icing tip after piping the border":

Or its variation, "Too lazy to change the icing tip after piping the roses":

Here we see evidence of significant toothpick scraping, often indicative of the "I'm Not Even Supposed To Be Here" dynasty of the Mid-Graduation era:

Ahhh. Magnificent.

You know that thing in restaurants where everyone is singing Happy Birthday to some stranger three tables over, and you all just mumble your way through the name part?

This is that, in cake form:

Sadly some mysteries will never be solved. Instead we'll be left to forever wonder... the 5th what?

I think I've cracked the code on this next one, though. Here's a recreation of the ACTUAL EVENTS, as played by hired actors in my head:

"What do you mean, 'last minute?' Of course we custom-ordered your cake, Miranda! Weeks ago! This was totally planned!"

While we'll never know for sure what happened to wrecks of the past, one thing is certain: the longer you look at this one, the funnier it gets:

Seriously.

I'm crying.

(I wonder who did the bigger spit-take: me or the baker.)

Thanks to Tex, Betsy P., Diamond, Philip L., Allison P., M.R., Lauren P., Miranda, & Kelsie L. for digging these up.

*****

P.S. It's never too early to start decorating for spooky season, and these stick-on bats were my biggest hit last year:

3D Halloween Bats, Exterior Grade, 60 pc set

They're made of sturdy plastic, come in 4 different sizes, and have adhesive pads to easily stick them up anywhere in or outside your home. (I put a whole belfry of them on our front door.) (I don't know if "belfry" is right, but I'm going with it. :D) Even better, the whole 60 piece set is only $10 Prime!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Merci!

Have you heard of the Croquembouche [CROCK-you-EAM-butchy]? It's a French thing.

Well, if not, here's what it's supposed to look like:

So kinda like old, cobweb-wrapped monkey bread. But in a yummy way.

Well, a certain anonymous person - who shall remain unnamed to protect her anonymity - found this gem at a wedding which she may or may not have anonymously attended:

I believe her exact words were, "it looks like some kind of primitive jungle cake being attacked by a swarm of lactating spider-wasps."

Mmmm, lactating spider-wasps...

Well, uh, Jane D. [wink wink], thanks for putting a new spin on these things.

Note: I think it's important to ask yourself a couple of questions before commenting here on Cake Wrecks:
Question: Did Jen and john really intend to give us the pronunciation of a word?
Answer: No.
Question: Are Jen and john complete and total idiots?
Answer: No.
Question: Do they...
Answer: No.
Question: Would they...
Answer: No.
Question: What about...
Answer: No.
That is all.

*****

P.S. Here's a (hilarious) reminder that English is hard, too:

P Is for Pterodactyl: The Worst Alphabet Book Ever

******

And from my other blog, Epbot: