Ewww

LEGGO MY LEGO!

Hey, today is LEGO's 68th birthday! Yep, that's 68 whole years of tiny bruises and hopping around the house on one foot while cursing - which is definitely grounds for cake, don't you think?

Hmm. Maybe a LEGO cake would be more appetizing.

Now, in theory, a LEGO brick cake is pretty simple to make: just stack cupcakes on a sheet cake, frost the whole shebang, and then stick as many LEGO flotsam pieces on it as possible so people don't think you've created an edible skin rash:

I have an irresistible urge to step on this.

 

You can also use the time-tested, wreckerator-approved method of just writing what the cake is supposed to be ON the cake, so people are sure to get the hint:

If I were Kyle, I'd be hoping there were another 9 cakes waiting in the wings.

 

Still, those aren't half bad for homemade, right? Of course, they're not homemade, they're professional. And so is this:

(The Cliffs of INSANITY!)

 

And this:

It's like the underside of a sheep belly. A cold sheep belly.

(Ok, not THAT cold, but still, you know, pretty cold.)

 

And this:

There's a "sh***ing bricks" joke in here SOMEWHERE, I just know it.

 

If you want your LEGO cake to get really confusing, just add crayon candles:

I see a pair of goggles exploding rainbows. Which is almost awesome.

 

And you're never going to believe it, but this, too, is a professionally made "LEGO" brick cake:

[looking around]

[shifty eyes]

Ok, if no one else is going to say it, I will:

 

LEGO NIPPLES.

 

FUN FACT: The little bumps on LEGO bricks are called "studs."

FUNNER FACT: Today's wreckporters Breanna, Amanda K., Cindy S., Autumn & Dylan, Sondra D., Brian K., Gwen I., & Cricket are total stud-magnets. Awww yeeeeah. (Also: ouch.)

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

I Am So, So Sorry: 6 C-Section Cakes People Actually Ate

I want you to know, minions, that this post is not my idea/fault. *I* didn't make it Cesarean Section Day, mmkay? And *I* didn't make/order/condone ANY of these cakes, NO SIR.

But now LOOK what these bakers are making me do! LOOK.

(Made by Darcy at Brown Butter Bakery who has an awesome sense of humor)

:head tilt:

Well, actually, that's not TOO bad. I mean, EW, yes, but at least they kept the gore to a minimum.

 

In fact, this next one doesn't have ANY blood! Yay!

And hey, perky nipples! What mom-to-be doesn't want her friends eating perky lady nipples at her shower? Besides all of them?

 

I feel I should warn you, though, that this next one is definitely crossing a line:

Not ready. NOT READY.

 

Just tell yourself this is a creepy old man poking his head out of sheet, and you MIGHT only scream for, like, a second or two:

Brb, still screaming.

 

But you know what we haven't had enough of yet in this post? Doll parts and drippy red syrup.

STILL SCREAMING.

Ok, for realsies, folks, turn back now.

'Cuz you do NOT want to see this last one.

It's bad.

Real bad.

Why are you still scrolling?

Are you on a diet?

Out of birth control?

Do you ENJOY feeling queasy?

Well, ohh kaaaaay....

What's that? You want to ZOOM IN?

You sick, sick puppy, you.

SCREAMING FOREVER.

 

"Thanks" to Jenn M., Matt R., Carl G., Anony M., Heidi D., & Amber B. for making me question all of my life choices up to this point.

*****

This book has over 2,000 5-star reviews and looks absolutely hysterical, definitely bookmark it for the new parents in your life: