Wedding Wrecks

Wedding Is Believing

You all know we have a "professional cakes only" policy here at CW, but when it comes to wedding cakes that can be a tough call. See, apparently most of you wreckporters feel a little awkward accosting the bride and demanding to know if her baker actually considers himself a professional. (Cowards.)

So, today, I'll let you guys decide. These really are all wedding cakes served at actual weddings, and in many cases the photographers claim to believe the baker was paid. For your sanity, though, you may want to go on believing someone's Aunt Sally made them as a last-minute "favor."

Needs more rose petals.

 

Is that...meat? And more importantly: if your cake looks like a giant meat slab, wouldn't you think about maybe slapping some frosting over that sucker?

 

Aw, now that's a shame; if only they had a few more bunches of fake flowers you wouldn't have to see the cake and tinfoil at ALL.

 

Does anyone else get the feeling this should be rotating and spraying water out of the swan's mouths?

 

And speaking of water...

Mmm. Wet tissue paper.

 

Proof that there aren't enough gaussian blurs and hazy vignettes in the world to make a wreck look like a Sweet.

See?

(P.S. OH. MAH. GAWD.)

 

Thanks to Heather H., Michele T., Connie P., AG, Samantha B., Allli B., Jessica H., Zoe H., & Skye C., for providing nightmare fuel for future brides everywhere.

 

PS. Believe it or not, I actually DID wean out a few that were even worse than these, because, for example, the baker put the wedding cake on a rusty pie plate:

So I'm REALLY hoping that means it's homemade.

Still, the important thing to remember is that THIS IS A WEDDING CAKE.

And hey, put it on a regular cake board and I've totally seen worse.

*****

P.S. In the spirit of continued learning and broadening our horizons, I found you some take-home reading:

When The World Ends, Blame The Ninja Deer

You know how sometimes we like to zoom in to see all the wrecky details?

Well, it turns out sometimes we should zoom OUT.

Take this wedding cake, for example:

While I think you'll agree that finger-smeared "camouflage" is a true wonder to behold, there's no way for you to fully appreciate the entire artistic "tableau" - the one hinted at by that snippet of caution tape in the background - until you zoom out a ways:

I'll forgive the balloons, the little boot vases, and even the toy tractors - but two plywood boards balanced on a used tractor tire? That's time to take a stand, people. And burn it.

 

And, ok, since you insist:

Whoah, whoah, whoah. Where did those tiny deer come from?!

No, seriously, did you see any tiny plastic deer in those first two photos? 'Cuz I didn't.

Wait.

I just thought of something:

What if the deer were wearing camouflage?

{***}

That sound just then?

That was your mind being blown.

Many thanks to Anony M., who also provided a photo of the bridal party, but I've decided to protect the identities of the guilty. After all, any bridesmaid forced to wear a camo dress with a neon orange petticoat and cowboy boots has suffered enough, don't you think?

*****

P.S. I don't think I'll ever be OK with tires as cake stands, but they DO make pretty awesome travel mugs:

Stainless Steel Tire Travel Mug

The lid even has a hub cap! Ha! Great reviews, too.

******

And from my other blog, Epbot: