Write 'Em, Cowboys!

Hey guys, it's time again for our Annual Texas Cowboy Poetry post!

(My apologies in advance to Texas, cowboys, and poetry in general.)

Ahem hem hem.

swirling poo vortex
moistly encircles my horse

keep it off the boots.

******

There once was a rodeo clown
The best of the whole bunch, hands down.

A real Texas Star

He's sure to go far

If he'd just stop horsing aroun'.

*****

Dangle the Dog's show had to close
The problem? Right under his nose.
Since it's hard to erase
the things on his face...

Now he just does puppet shows.

****

Kill.
Kill, kill, kill
KILL!
Killllllllllll....

Kill kill.

*********

And for our grand finale, we'd like you to know that John wrote the next one. That's right, JOHN DID IT. So it's not my or Sharyn's fault. We're just saying.

Take it away, John!

Once upon a morning dreary, while I sat there, drinking beery,
Thinkin' 'bout this girl I'd ogled at the game the night before.
How we went back to her trailer, thinkin' I was gonna... uh, regale her
Shame she fell into the baler, just below the hayloft door.
"Geez Louise!" I screamed in terror as her bits lay on the floor.
"Now she's boobs... and nothing more!"

Thanks to Jodee R., Erica D., Tug T., Samantha R., Kristen, Emily S., & Willow M. for helping John get that off his chest.

*****

P.S. I see you appreciate poetry. Might I recommend...?

I Could Pee On This, And Other Poems By Cats

This hardcover gift book costs less than $10 and will have your friends feline fine.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Spam Poetry

Usually my spam filter is pretty accurate, but this week I've gotten three e-mails that read like some kind of post-modern word salad poetry. I'm assuming they're spam, but then again, maybe they're really some hip new literary project by postmodern word salad poets. Eh? 

So in the spirit of artistic discovery, I've decided to illustrate these literary feats with the most appropriate cakes I could find. ENJOY.

Subject line: hey! :) My name is Margarito!

Artillery fray, 

I must articulate smoothly, it is a terrible wise of many enemy, 

this godson of tormenting children,

...and children cheerful.

èḥῥộ_ ḣûῂ?ṕẹvќћ (??) 

[That is a line of unintelligible characters which I can only assume was supposed to link to overpriced weasel aphrodisiacs, but since it isn't clickable in the original e-mail I can't say for sure.]

And painting it I soothe said to exception: 

"it is the riverside of the disadvantage 

and He has sent it to flit my shipboard crustacean."

::flit flit flit::

Alternatively, here's a shoe board crustacean:

[bowing] Ah thank you, thankyouverramuch.

 Subject line: Good day, my name is Nathanial :)

One notwithstanding 

he did with more sincerity bluff so strange in Moscow,

 a life of astounding but salutation,

(C'mon, what are the odds I'd find a cake of a butt salutation?) 

(Oh, sorry was that just one "t"? My bad.)

Piping and plating, he was degenerating.

(You know what they say about small pens, right?)

(Smaller pocket protectors.) 

Subject line: hey!! My name is Broderick!

The amass had feigned, 

but coldly was some embody thereon.

Cuttlefish assureed merrily as jersey began talking, 

amiably bashful, 

with drowsy one sponge emerge at her foresight to unify its broth on her.

Whoah there, Bobby boy, you're not unifying your broth on ANYBODY today, hear me?

Thanks to Steve B., Shannon P., Candi F., Alexis I., Heitha B., Rachael E., Anony M., Kylie S., & Audra B. for the wreckiest cakes in all the 'verse.

*****

P.S. I see you appreciate poetry. Might I recommend...?

I Could Pee On This, And Other Poems By Cats

This hardcover gift book costs less than $10 and will have your friends feline fine.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: