Maybe We Should Stick With "Bag of Baboon Balls"

The English language is the stuff of poetry, minions, and there's nothing quite so satisfying as finding a new, never-before-used way of expressing the fact that a cake is uglier than a bag of baboon balls.*

[*"Bag of Baboon Balls" is the name of my Monkee's cover band.]

For example, why say this cake made the bride cry...

... when you could say, "When the baker dropped this off, she was fined for littering!"

And don't call this cake drippy:

Call it "Decoration Perspiration."

As a former Jungle Cruise skipper I know all about the back side of water - but here comes a timey-wimey twist for you Doctor Who fans:

"THE BACK SIDE OF CASSANDRA"

Ooooh. Ahhhh.

I'm pretty sure that's the first time anyone has used a Jungle Cruise/Doctor Who reference to describe a wedding cake, so I'm checking that off the ol' "Life Goals" list.

Thanks to Elizabeth W., Amy, & Pat J. for proving you CAN go too far with the moisturizer.

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I really wanted to link a Cassandra action figure for you guys, but they're all sold out on Amazon right now. While I was looking I stumbled across a Metal Earth kit of old-school K-9, though, and omigosh. LOOK:

Doctor Who K-9 Metal Earth Kit

This version comes with pre-printed "rust" and a colorful dog collar, which I like so much better than the basic silver models. Anyone else love Metal Earth kits? They're tedious, but perfect for puzzle lovers like me. This one's going to the top of my wish list!

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

The Surprise Gender Bender

The Gender Reveal cake is such a simple concept: your baker uses either pink or blue icing inside, depending on if you're having a girl or a boy. Then you cut into the cake to learn the happy news.

But this is Cake Wrecks, minions. I HAVE NO HAPPY NEWS.

Only funny, funny failures.

SO...

Remember the gender reveal cake that had no icing inside at all, but lots of confusing garble written on top?

Or the baker who put all the colored icing on top in a blob?

Or how about the baker that flat got it wrong?

Well here's one more for your scrapbooks, kids:

Kristin A., writes:

"We went to **** Bakery, which has a gender reveal cake in their cake book. Took them a sealed envelope (containing the baby's sex) and in the filling section wrote 'Gender Reveal (pink/blue).'

"I didn’t realize I needed to be super specific and state if the envelope says 'girl' make it ALL PINK and if the envelope says 'boy' make it ALL BLUE!"

So when did Kristin realize she needed to be super specific?

Ohh, I'd say right around this moment here:

No, she's not having twins.

The worst part was they cut into the wrong color side first. That's right, fellow geeks: THE CAKE WAS A LIE.

But in case any of you are wondering:

They'll be celebrating with a barbecue next week.

Thanks to Lesley W., Kristin A., & Jess T. for reminding me of the original "It A Gril." If you remember that one, too, then award yourself 5 geek points. And, you know, maybe get out more. (It's too late for me; save yourselves.)

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It looks like Gender Reveal parties are still going strong, and I spent a thoroughly entertaining few minutes perusing all the stuff you can buy for them online. So far this is my favorite find:

Gender Reveal Exploding Golf Balls

EXPLODING GOLF BALLS Y'ALL

I can't remember the last time I was both this gleefully delighted and completely confused. What a time to be alive.

Now, raise your hand if you're tempted to buy some of these even if you don't know anyone having a baby.

::raises both hands::

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And from my other blog, Epbot: