FLAMING PEA PODS I SAY

May is "Homeschooling Awareness Month", parents, which I'm sure you'll find as deliciously ironic as I do... by maybe next August.

Here's one from every home-schooled kid to their parent/teachers right now:

SORRY

Also maybe focus on spelling and grammar this week?

 And here's one from every homeschooling parent to their kids after you all survive the rest of the school year:

 Jejus is so proud of y'all.

If you're feeling left out, don't worry; it's also "Flexible Work Arrangement Week" (BAHAHAHAHAAA) and Mental Health Month, which at the moment go together like two peas in a pod. That's on fire.

“This is fine.”

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”

[...]

I don't actually know what that is, but it sure seems ominous.

I'm glad at least one baker understands the importance of talking things out through all this:

Advantages of cake therapy:

1) Cake doesn't judge

2) Cake always listens

3) Cake tastes delicious when your session time is up

Or hey, let the cake do the talking for you!

If you don't identify with this right now you're either not quarantined with anyone, or yesterday you were the annoying one. :p

Thanks to Kendra W., Jan M., Lesley G., Renee R., Megan W., Leigh M., & Hank C. for proving all snarky house notes should be made using cake.

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Speaking of house notes, whether you're feeling snarky or sweet, this listing has funny note options for just about every conceivable situation:

Nifty Note Pads

Each pad has 50 tear-off sheets, and the checkbox options are a riot to read through.

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

CCCs: The Canker Sores Of Civilized Society (aka, AND ANOTHER THING!!)

Sometimes I lay awake at night, afraid that you readers may STILL think cupcake cakes (patooie!) are not the spawn of Satan.

I'm afraid I've been too soft on these vile canker sores of civilized society. That you minions may even think - and this really scares me - that I'm only kidding.

IS THIS THE CCC (patooie!) OF A KIDDER?!

So this is it, minions. My last ditch Soap Box rant.

Let's review.

First, there's that "lovely lady lumps" texture:

And if your "cake" ISN'T pockmarked with pot holes, it's because your baker did this:

...to fill in all the gaps.

Bakers also use copious amounts of icing to stick the cupcakes in place:

That's copious amounts of icing you have to dig through with your fingers to get the cupcake wrappers off.

So please, tell me again how cupcake cakes (patooie!) are easier and cleaner to serve.

Next there's the whole "flattened by Judge Doom's steamroller" issue:

(If ONLY bakers had a way to make a perfectly round cake! [sob])

And since bakers can't get their cupcakes into any kind of recognizable shape, many have given up trying altogether:

What is it?

The world may never know.

...but this one looks kinda dirty.

Happily, big bakery chains have responded by taking a critical look at the (many) problems of CCCs (patooie!), carefully evaluating potential solutions...

...and then chucking more plastic on 'em.

But worst of all, minions - WORST of all - is the blatant, gleefully-kicking-us-while-we're-down cruelty represented in these particular abominations:

I'm talking about cupcake cakes (patooie!) disguised as REAL CAKES.

How do you light those candles? You don't. BECAUSE THIS WHOLE "CAKE" IS A LIE.

This is like when you really want a steak, and someone gives you a hamburger patty with a picture of a steak taped to it.

They're even making cupcake cakes (patooie!) of real cupcakes:

Which, ok, points for being totally meta, but otherwise?

NOOOOOooooOOOOOOOoooo

Look, my friends, I'm not saying that America as we know it will collapse into a slag heap of ruin if you ever buy another cupcake cake.

But I'm not saying it WON'T, either.
[meaningful glare]

So you think about that.

Thanks to Anna V., Sarah F., Deborah F., Lisa H., Cassandra T., Hillary H., Crystal, Michael G., Martina T., Chelsea, Tara C., Emily S., Julia K., & Paige C. for helping me write the longest CW post in the history of CW. John actually made me cut it down a bit. Because, oh yes, I HAVE MORE, PEOPLE .

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Remember, every time you skip buying a CCC (patooie!) and buy a little plush kitty in cake roll blanket instead, an angel gets its wings:

 Squishy KittiRoll Plush

Or you can choose the puppy in a burrito OR panda in a banana. (Would that be a Pup-rrito and Panda-nana? Ooh, I'd almost get the panda just for the name!)

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And from my other blog, Epbot: