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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Sep172012

Teaching Tools

John tells me our readership took a hit this past month, and he couldn't figure out what had changed until someone mentioned everyone's back in school now. A-ha! Of course.

So just to show that Cake Wrecks is nothing if not educational, I've whipped up a handy lesson guide for all you teachers out there. Now you can take the night off and catch up on the wreckage! Then tomorrow just fire up the overhead projector, and allow me to educate our future leaders. (No, no, don't cry; I do this because I care.)

 

 An Educational Overview from Cake Wrecks
aka 
Grammar time! (Can't wreck this! Whoah-OH!)

Students, today we're going to look at how your lessons apply in the real world. Pay attention, because the pop quiz starts...now.

 

It's quite common for people to confuse "you're" and "your." Here's a simple way to remember which is witch:

 

 This is wrong:

...because it raises the question, "Your old WHAT?"

 

This is correct:

Although it should be noted that owning an old Kurt in this day and age will never be "right."

 

Here's another proper usage you high schoolers may find more relevant:

 

 Next, this rhyme can really come in handy for your spelling skills:

 "I before E except after C..."

 

 "but not in the words 'Tigers'...

 

"'their'...

 

 "Or 'anniversary!'"

 

Quotation marks are vital for indicating when you're quoting someone verbatim or just being really, really sarcastic:

*Asterisks often denote footnotes, albeit sometimes invisible ones. Invisible footnotes are the work of the Knights Templar, and should be reported to Dan Brown "immediately."

 

A homonym (n) is each of two different words having the same pronunciation but different meanings, spellings, or both.

For example, "here" is where we are now:

 

 While "hear" is what we do with our ears:

Next time we'll also discuss properly distinguishing your cursive "w"s from your "m"s.

 

Luckily, putting the proper endings on number contractions like first, second and third is as easy as 1th, 2th, 3th!

 

 

 

Well, I'm sure this lesson has been super helpful, students, so for your homework I want you all to show your teacher what you've just learned with an informative drawing. Bonus points if you use sprinkles. Or bring cake to class. Or write a sonnet entitled, "Why Jen from Cake Wrecks Deserves an Honorary PhD and also a Working Proton Pack, If Possible."

Now, chop chop!

Oh, and next week: biology!

 

Thanks to Ruth, Shane S., Gal N., Beth N., Brandi H., Amy S., Carla D., Margaret J., Maria R., Sarah R., Christina M., Nicole S., Michele T., & Jess for believing the children are our future. And for teaching them "well" and letting them lead the weigh.

PS - Believe it or not, I actually DO hear from a lot of teachers who use CW in the classroom. Here's a fun example. Now, don't you have a sonnet to write?

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Reader Comments (62)

Somewhere an english teacher is weeping...

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

There's nothing wrong with Sophies' cake. She had her twoth birthday . That's when your first tooth is two years old, or your first two teeth are one year old whichever comes first (1th)

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterpakajack

Does that cake say "Germany hear me come"? What mental images does that conjure up, hmm?

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdocbanger

Ok, that last cake? Wow! I now know that it takes a whole bucket full of sperm to become pregnant. I thought it only took one? And does the third cake say Congratulations on Your Jean Pregnancy? Is that how maternity pants are made?

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

"I before E except after C"

We live in a weird society!

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChris S.

I especially enjoyed the "Tiegers" cake as right under said spelling is a pick with the word correctly spelled. Using references is overrated, I suspect, in that bakery.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Sung to “Don’t Stand so Close to Me”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNIZofPB8ZM

The Cake Wreck, a subject
Of teacher fantasy
They need a break badly
It’s what they long to see
The “Your” cake is wanting
Bad grammar causes rage
At least you’re not 50
Old Kurt is twice your age

Don’t hand, don’t hand me
A cake for pregnancy
Don’t hand, don’t hand me
A cake for pregnancy

The rule’s right there, fellahs
I before E, and yet
The C exception’s easy
But sometimes we forget
In “Chief” and in “Tigers”
“Their” often spelled wrong. Why?
“Anniversie” is grating
It makes your husband cry

Don’t hand, don’t hand that
Don’t hand that wreck to me
Don’t hand, don’t hand that
Don’t hand that wreck to me

I hope that you’re “Happy”
Give asterisks a try
Those homonyms confuse folks
It’s “hear” here, right? Oh my!
It’s no use. We’ve seen it.
Just scrape the “th” clean
At 1, 2, or 3 years old
The kids won’t make a scene

Don’t hand, don’t hand that
Don’t hand sperm cake to me
I just want a Cake Wreck
Not cake biology

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I know a lot of people say you should have the cake decorator write on your cake. As a cake decorator I write well and I don't get complaints but my manager does a lot better job than I do and he is a guy. The other woman I work with who does the muffins and sweet goods writes better than I do. It's all about experience. My point being each bakery is different and there are no set standards. Where I work bad writing is never okay and if you can't write well than you can't work in the bakery.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCrissy

@Sharyn: MASTERFUL.
I am in awe.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFM

Glad I'm not the only one who read it as 'Germany hear me come'...
I'll get my coat and return to the gutter, sniggering as I go...

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

How does cartoon woman + sushi roll equal baby?

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLydia

Why Jen from Cake Wrecks Deserves an Honorary PhD and also a Working Proton Pack, If Possible

The wrecks in cake do teach all sorts of rules
For grammar lessons which we clearly lack
From trimming of the lesson plans in schools-
But never fear ‘cause Jen has got our back!
Our Jen has filled that need shown in our cakes,
To teach the things our bakers clearly missed
Through humorously showing their mistakes
And checking off the problems on her list.
Without reward has Jen done this great feat,
An attitude which should no longer stand.
As recompense she does deserve a treat-
A PhD of honor in her hand.
And added to her other great acclaim,
A working Proton Pack, giv’n in her name.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Thanks for the belly laugh. I had forgotten to come here watching all the economic and world troubles lately. I shall come more often. You love blue and orange, too! No wonder I think you're brilliant!

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSweetbriar

Like docbanger, I'd like to suggest that "Germany, hear me come!" is a completely correct cake for a particularly. . . enthusiastic person.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterIan Osmond

Nothing says happy 3rd birthday like a cake with wet, grey frosting. What kid wouldn't drool over that (or maybe he already did)?

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commentershe-she

"Why Jen from Cake Wrecks Deserves an Honorary PhD and also a Working Proton Pack, If Possible"

A font of wisdom graces cyberspace
Exposing hubris of those wrecky cakes
That doth infest each grocery apace
And surely fill her witty head with aches.
If there is philosophy yet in jest
With mast’ry to be had in diligence
A doctor – nay, a sage! – is title best
For this guardian of intelligence.
Ill content to rest on laurels fondant
Brave Jen would save the world from ghosts anon!
A proton pack is all she lacks for wont;
Only that – and a little Grey Poupon.
Think you, “Mustard does not on cake belong!”?
Viddy the Wreckage and be proven wrong.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGR

OK Jen. The inspiration is there for you to develop an honest to goodness Cake Wreck Grammar curriculum for teachers. I'm dead serious. It is such a creative idea that it would be a welcomed addition to teaching grammar. The teacher's would have fun with it, and the children would eat it up (pun intended). The Biology curriculum would be an interesting one as well -- of course parental signature approval required.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterC&C

'Happy 5th Ammmruoie' indeed.....

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

For MY threeth birthday, I want Germany to hear ME come... (blinkblink)... Dang it... The voices assured me that wouldn't sound dirty outside my head...

Oh VOOOOOIIIICEEESSSS... You got some 'splainin' to doooooooo!

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

You are such a "giver", Jen. I am so glad you are here to "teach" our "children".

Sadly, poems are not my forte. If I could express my desire for you to have an "Honorary PhD and also a Working Proton Pack, If Possible" in cheesecake, I would make my "Choco-Cherry Love" cheesecake (inspired by a Dairy Queen Blizzard, natch) in your honor.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

@Sharyn, Amy and GR: Bravo!! An A+ for each of you!

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

@Amy & GR: *snap* *snap* *snap* (Isn't that what you do at poetry readings instead of clapping? Am I showing my age again?) ; - )

I giggled at the "Fresh" label on the "Your Old Kurt" cake. Heehee!

@Sharyn: I'd feel like a silly fangirl if I complemented your posts EVERY day. Just know that I love the daily song wreck. You complete me!

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

I used to proofread business cards and once I saw one from a dentist whose card said that his office was in "Suite 2th." Sweet tooth. Get it? The typesetter had "corrected" it to say "Suite 2nd" and it took some convincing to make her understand that the dentist was being a goofball and he wanted it that way.

Let's hope the tutor being appreciated was not an math or reading tutor!

That teen pregnancy one. Wow! It goes nicely with the last one, but the girl is probably thinking, "but I never once climbed into a giant vat of sperm! I don't know how this happened!"

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

The blog certainly is educational!
Two years back or so, I found myself teaching English to student bakers for one month while their usual teacher was sick.
It really helped to show them why learning languages is useful, even in their job.
The cake may taste nice, but it tastes much better if it isn't home to half a dozen spelling mistakes in two lines.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJean Guittet

"Germany hear me come"

I remember seeing that movie. I had to mute the volume so not to disturb the neighbors. Cute couple but, damn noisy.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBill C

RE the Germany cake: I'll have what she's having!

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCheri

I can't even...where is my brain...why is anniversary spelled with an ie???

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

I'm going to get a "Germany Here Me Come" cake for my downstairs neighbor.
Uh, yeah. It's that bad. :(

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternoelnicole13

OK, the German one is just wrong. Also, your comment about the Knights Templar slayed me. I am slayed... slain...? slayded...? Whatever, I'm lying on the floor dead, you can't expect me to know how to spell properly.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke

Should be "America Reads Loves ~its~ Tutors."

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGumby

Sharyn lolol

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

The next time someone goes to karaoke night at their local bar, they need to take a "Sharyn" song with them and sing that version of it. Of course, video tape it and place it on YouTube.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

@Sharyn, Amy, & GR: awesome!

Maybe some of the teachers themselves would benefit from these lessons... The other day I got an e-mail from a 4th grade teacher saying she "must of overlooked" something... Just because "must've" (could've, should've, would've, etc.) SOUNDS like must of... I should HAVE corrected her, right? Sheesh.

As always, Jen, you rock! And you deserve an honorary PhD, and a working Proton Pack, if possible, in my humble opinion.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDorene

Great post, but II think "hear" and "here" are homophones, not homonyms, because they are spelled differently.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPaul

I have been using this website to teach college English for YEARS! Even my 8am students perk up when I fire up the projector and the carrot jockey appears on the screen.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterteflonn

It must be time that Sharyn gets a job at cake wrecks! :-)

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFiona S

Well, when we hear you get to Germany, we'll all be glad to meat you. Where you're heals, so we no who you our. (My mother was an English teacher; that whirling noise you hear is her spinning in her coffin!)

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

I used to be a high school English teacher, and I definitely would've used this if I was still in the classroom. Kids love stuff like this, especially with subjects like grammar that easily bore them to sleep.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

Jen, you don't need a "working" proton pack- you have John!! (Send any working my way and I'll test them for you- I'm just thinking of your safety, oh great royal snarkiness.)
@Sharyn, Amy and GR I am in awe.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

I'm one of those who haven't checked cakewrecks like I should since school started back. I teach English, and parts of this post will definitely be used in lessons in the coming weeks. :)

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKristi

@ Lady Anne: AFTER that whirling noise, that silence you hear? That is the hamster in my brain refusing to run on the wheel until all the words are spelled correctly! Hee! I seriously had to read that very slowly several times to make out what you were supposed to be saying. : )

@Brooke: "Whatever, I'm lying on the floor dead, you can't expect me to know how to spell properly." Hahahaha!

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

I, too, thought that cake said jean pregnancy

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermichele

That first cake is enough to make anyone age 10 years instantly.

Elizabeth's cake looks like it was hit by a drunk sky writer.

The Germany cake is a travesty. Poo pearls? Really? Especially since one of the best parts about being a tourist in Germany is seeing all the beautiful creations in the bakery windows!

And that last cake: This equation does not compute. Just baffling. Some sex Ed teacher can use this in a class about misinformation.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Woman + Giant bucket of steamy sperm = love baby love??? I'm so horribly confused by that cake.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNoey

DO NOT EAT THE SPERM SUSHI... Trust me

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAli G

My husband wondered what the "ramekin full of pudding" in the last wreck was for.

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlauren

LOVE IT! You graciously allowed me to use your Punctuation 101 post in my English class, and this one will definitely be put to use as well. The kids LOVE it, and if it helps them be more aware of their grammar and spelling, it's double-bonus points all the way around! :) THANK YOU!!

September 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTeachmichigan

Oh man did my mind leave for the gutter on that Germany cake. Wow poor Germans lol. And that last cake what on earth.. I got the woman part but if they hadn't put sperm above the thing I would have thought she jumped in a hot tub and it got her pregnant. Scary.

September 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Ok, so I have read all the comments so far, and I can't believe no-one has commented on the definitely NSFW glistening red couple in the last cake. Yup, them on top of the 'sushi roll', with her all bent over like that and him, well.. paying her some serious attention. Biology 101!

On the other hand, wow, two sonnets and all in working order - I am very impressed, well done CakeWreck lovers.

September 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMC in NZ

*giggles*

I'm never sure how to pronounce "1th", "2th" and "3th".
Should it be "firth", "secondth" and "thirdth", or just
"oneth", "twoth (tooth?)" and "threeth"?

September 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMafdet

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