The Beach Is Terrible And These Bakers Know It

Fall, Schmall - it's still 90 degrees here in the South, and we know just how to celebrate sun, sand, and whatever is happening here:

If you squint your eyes and back up a little, this will totally look fuzzier and farther away.

Look, Truth Time: we all know the beach sucks.

After all, it's hot,

...there are people there, a shark could eat your Barbies...

...there are people there, there's the whole sand situation...

...and sunburns,

(Actual photo of John after 20 minutes outside.)

...plus more people, and, well, you get the idea.

And can we talk about the littering? Because forget diapers in the ocean, now there are WHOLE BABY BUTTS:

This... cannot be sanitary.

Though I'll admit a grudging respect for whoever decided "Sleeping With The Fishes" was the perfect baby shower theme. I just hope they ran with it and had dock-side decorations, cement shoe balloon weights, and of course floating baby ice cubes, which for some reason are an actual thing.

Thanks to LeeAnn H., Heidi K., Porsha K., Chad C., Jennifer K., & Mary Susan for helping ensure none of my friends ever ask me to throw a baby shower. Again.

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P.S. Here, I found us all the beach we'll ever need:

Executive Mini Sandbox: Beach Break

This would also be a cute gift for your northern friends complaining how cold it is already. :D

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

I'm Willing To Call It A Metaphor If You Are

It's National Fall Foliage Week, bakers, what've you got?

Hmm. 

Maybe lose the snakes.

And the volcanic ash.

And the... is that a pool float?

Waaaaait a minute, I get it! It's a metaphor! For 2020! Right?

So really, this isn't a monstrous alien tri-brain stuck on a cocoon:

In fact, it's a commentary on the societal division spawned by the ever-increasing branches of psuedo-scientific expressionalism!

Ahh, it all makes sense now. See, I feel much better.

[long silence]

[awkward side eye]

...Uh, but this pumpkin stem is still a giant pile of dog crap, right?

Phew! Good. Just making sure not everything has changed.

Thanks to Melissa S., Katie C., Vivian G., Melissa F., & a different Melissa F. for making like a tree, and pooping all over the pumpkin. Metaphorically speaking, of course.
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Unlike this year, this little vinyl toy is the most adorable dumpster fire EVER:

Dumpster Fire Vinyl Figure

I just needed more people to know this exists. :D

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And from my other blog, Epbot: