The Words Get In The Way

My friends, there's an epidemic sweeping our nation's bakeries that I think you should know about: SPATIAL AWARENESS DISORDER.

And believe me, it's SAD.

It starts innocently enough.

First you might notice a few odd gaps in their writing:

Then they run out of room:

Then they decide to just keep going:

The next thing you know, the bakery's sense of scale is swinging wildly from one extreme to another, ranging from the microscopic:

To the titanic:

"We had to bake three more cakes to fit it all in, but we made it!"

Occasionally a wreckerator might recognize that s/he's made a mistake:

Thereby making it worse.

In its final stages, the SAD affect can get doubly bizarre:

Bakers lose all sense of gravity, distance, and direction...

...and even more disturbing: appropriate word placement.

To this day, Nanny still can't look the mall Santa in the eye.

Thanks to Chris S., Rebecca M., Marina C., Rachel P., Cindy E., Marc, Trish M., & Alison for finally exposing the third rail of cake decorating.

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P.S. I don't usually buy seasonal t-shirts, but as the owner of a black cat and someone frequently frustrated by people, I can tell you this one's appropriate year-round:

Cat's Got Your Knife T-Shirt

:D

Lots more colors at the link.

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

Let's Wrap It Up

Friends, acquaintances, decorators.

There is a new bakery trend arising. One that's making me SICK. And also kind of excited. Mostly sick. But sort of excited.

The trend?

Sticking wrapped candy on finished cakes.

Now, the excitement comes into play because, hello! Candy is awesome. So putting candy on cake sounds like mixing angel giggles with a hug from a rainbow.

The disgust, however, comes from the fact that the candy is wrapped. And on a cake. Or in some cases:

IN a cake.

And digging through icing with your fingers just to unwrap a piece of chocolate that is covered in chocolate and then smooshed into chocolate sounds about as appealing as... ooh, look!
Chocolate!

In a sweet, oozy green metallic coating!

Apparently, the more candy and flotsam you shove on top, the more "fancy" the "brownies" become.

Assuming there are actually brownies in there somewhere.

Or, if chocolate-covered chocolate in your chocolate is too much chocolate for you, there's always the paper-wrapped sugar sticks in your sprinkle-covered sugar cake approach:

Suckers.

So, when all else fails, and a regular ol' normal-people cake just won't cut it, go ahead and jam any and everything you can find into a plastic container:

Because America, that's why.

Thanks to today's Wreckporter wrappers Thomas P., Martha, Jo N., Sarah D., Kendra, and Matt P., who will now go forth and fetch me a Twix. No? Anyone?

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P.S. Not that I'm advocating putting MORE wrapped candy on your baked goods, but did you know you can buy emoji lollipops? And they're super cute?

24 Pk Emoji Lollipops

Only $10, and they come individually bubble-wrapped!
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And from my other blog, Epbot: