Limer-Icks

There once was a wedding confection

That failed the bride's final inspection

So we grabbed an airbrush

Painted it in a rush

And told Yanks it was for their election!

 

I'm finding it rather outrageous

That I have to spend some of my wages

On a cake for my Dad

Of a girl, partly clad

Is it me, or does she look contagious?

 

I hope you don't find me neurotic

But I'm sure my new heart is necrotic

It rattles and shakes

And I think that it's cake...

Did I mention my surgeon's psychotic?

 

Clap your hands for poor Tinkerbell

A bee sting has caused her to swell

Grab a fresh EpiPen

And inject her again

For she's really just not looking well.

 

 If you just can't spell "congratulations"

And your piping skills won't win ovations

You should find a career

Where you won't end up here

Or at least take extended vacations.

 

I once saw a cake in Nantucket

That had frosting applied by the bucket

Though it's called a nice gift

It's too heavy to lift

So I guess that I'll just have to chuck it.

 

Thanks to Fiona N., Annabelle K., Melissa J., Michael C.,  Miranda B., Wendy R., Erika H., and Arlene for making me speak in rhyme all day. (Hey guys, are there rocks ahead?)

*****

P.S. Good news, there's a Volume 2!

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes, Vol II

This one has the word "spiffing" in the title AND comes with a lovely green-and-gold cover, so folks will recognize your sophisticated taste while begging you to stop telling these terrible, TERRIBLE jokes.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

What Could Go Wrong?

I've often thought the "sex-reveal cake" trend was fraught with peril, and today's wreck is a good example of why. 

In case you haven't heard of it, the reveal cake has either pink or blue icing hidden inside, depending on the baby's sex - but the kicker is, the parents bring that info sealed from their doctor to the bakery, so the cake is how they find out if they're having a boy or a girl. 

So...you're trusting a baker to correctly communicate your baby's sex? 

Gee, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

 [whistling innocently]

Happily Kevin S. and his wife already knew they were having a boy, but for fun they decided to send a reveal cake to his parents to break the news. As is typical, they asked for it to be white on the outside and decorated with pink and blue polka dots, plus maybe a few question marks. Then they asked for blue icing inside the cake.

When the special order arrived at Kevin's parents' house, this is what they found:

o.0

And to think: someone looked at this and thought, "Yeah, that's what the customer wanted."

(John says you should read that cake out loud. So, go on. DO EET!)

 

Still, as baby cake trends go, it could always - ALWAYS - be worse:

...and frequently is. *sigh*

 

Thanks to Kevin and Stephanie F. for that revealing slice of humor.

*****

This book has over 2,000 5-star reviews and looks absolutely hysterical, definitely bookmark it for the new parents in your life: