You Pig!

Attention minions raising smaller minions:

Have you ever noticed something... off... about Peppa Pig's nose?

I only ask because I keep getting Peppa Pig cakes over here, and they're surprisingly, er, adult for a kids' cake, if you know what I mean.

Admit it: if you'd never seen Peppa Pig before this would make you spit out your Diet Coke. I mean, what is that lizard doing?

Granted, if you do know what Peppa looks like, that's not too bad.

[sing-song] BUT THISSSS IS!

Flashing Flops Of Fleshy Flaccid Frosting, Batman!

My theory is these bakers see exactly what we see - c'mon, let's call a dong a dong here - but they're so determined to NOT see it that their subconscious takes over, gleefully piping out penises left and right because "WE'RE ALLOWED TO NOW, IT'S A PIG NOSE! WHEEEEEE!"

C'mon, that's basically every 9-year-old boy's dream job.

But still, bakers, at some point you've gone too far.
And that point is riiiiiight around.... here:

Oink oink, motherfluffers.

Thanks to Liz B., J-la, & Nadya S. for the excuse to make a Beyoncé-the-chicken joke. FINALLY.

*****

P.S. If you've never read any of The Bloggess' hilariously gut-busting books, then I highly recommend starting with her first and working your way forward:

Let's Pretend This Never Happened

The paperback is only $10 Prime, and be warned: the chapter with the raccoon hands WILL threaten your bladder control. :D

It's Time To Take The Fall, Y'all

It's late-September, 94 degrees and raining, and watching the Weather Channel has become a descent into hurricane madness.

We need something to save us, bakers. Something to light a light at the end of this hot, dark, wet tunnel.

No, I'm not talking about porn.

Why would you even think that?

Stop it. Stop thinking about porn.

Er... Right.

Now...

BRING ON THE PUMPKIN SPICE STUFF!!

::upbeat techno music::
::sounds of vrooming engines::

::announcer voice:: Thaaaat's right, ladies and gents, here they come! Our new pumpkin spice products of 2018!

First up, in celebration of today's socio-political climate, here's a tasty little number we call "Ominously Circling Crows Will Teach That Stupid Scarecrow A Lesson He Won't Soon Forget!"

Perfect for sending that seasonal message of warning, or grab one tonight for dinner to celebrate all things corn, crows, and frightened scarecrows!

Of course we're still dropping our flagship product, the world famous PSL:

Yes, our Pumpkin Spice Log may not be number 1 yet in the Pumpkin Spice Product market, but it's definitely #2. And we pledge to keep on pushing until our PSL is the biggest Pumpkin Spice Movement in the land!

There's nothing like the colors of dead leaves to bring new life to your flagging ennui, which is why our "Make Like A Tree, And Die" cupcake cake is PERFECT for Fall office parties.

Ahhh, you can almost taste the leaf mold.
(That's how you know the Pumpkin Spice is working!)

And when all else fails, you can't go wrong with any of our new-and-improved "Sure, Let's Call It A Pumpkin?" collection:

Please note our "Sure, Let's Call It A Pumpkin?" collection is not pumpkin flavored. To quote our marketing department, Emma, "This is more about the aesthetic, you know?"

SO EXTRA.

Thanks to Sarah T., Katelyn C., Melissa F., Linda F., Alyssa, Mary D., & Bridget O. for bringing the extra pumpkin aesthetic.

*****

P.S. Minions, I believe even questionable pumpkins deserve our support. So here's a quick shout-out to my favorite wire-free bra:

Warner's Easy Does It Seamless Wireless Bra

See what I did there? :p

I own four of these, and plan to keep buying all the colors. I love the under-arm smoothing panel - no dig or pinch! - and like most Warners, these are incredibly comfortable. Up 'til last year I ONLY wore wired bras, and it took buying-and-returning over a dozen different brands and styles before I found these gems. They average $25-30 Prime, but I watch the listing and buy any color that goes on sale. ("Toasted Almond" is on sale as of this writing, but check them all!)

Oh, and be sure to check the image gallery for a better idea of how they look on larger pumpkin patches.