A Day In The Life

Jen and I are often asked what it's like to be "professional" bloggers. How do we spend our days? Do we have a swimming pool filled with gold coins? Are there fantastic parties and gourmet ketchups? The answer to all these questions is yes. Jen even has a green dress. (But not a real green dress. That's cruel.)

That doesn't mean it's all fun and games, though. Sometimes we take naps.

In fact, I think I'll keep a diary for a day, just so you can see firsthand the "glorious life" of the "Professional Blogger." Enjoy!

 

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1:00 pm - Woke up to cats hammering on door and yowling. Note to self: get thicker door. Also, new cats.

"Mrow?"

 

1:35 pm - Cats' yowls going super sonic. Ear plugs ineffective. Time for the Super Soaker.

"Mruh Mroh."

 

2:10 pm - Jen's awake. Cats are hiding. I ask in my best Kirk impression (complete with hand gestures), "JEN! Are... you... readytobe... funny? We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill!"

 

Jen:

Note to self: Avoid Kirk impressions before Jen's fully awake.

 

3:45 pm - Checked on Jen in the office. She has 27 browser tabs open and is humming "Loathing." So far, so good.

5:20 pm - Jen comes out of her office to reheat some "breakfast."

Pizza and Maalox: breakfast of champions.

 

7:20 pm - A yell from the office: "Oy! What're some puns for 'lactating?'"

7:32 pm - Final tally: Milking it, so cheesy, really sucks, staying abreast of the whole situation, whipped into a frenzy, creamy complexion, skim off the top, nipped a pair of area oreos

 

8:15 pm - Maniacal laughter coming from office.

8:21 pm
- Loud sobs coming from office.

8:30 pm
- Colorful swearing coming from office. Huh. Rapid mood swings may indicate low blood sugar. I bring Jen a cookie.

Effect is immediate. "Ohh, and also 'eat, drink, and be dairy!'"

 

10:45 pm - Heading to McDonald's for lunch.

Thank goodness we're not food bloggers. (Oh. Wait...)

 

12:20 am- Break time. Watching Castle with Jen.

*snorfle*

 

2:15 am- Jen heads back to the office. I'm off to bed.

(This was supposed to say "Just because." Seriously.)

 

3:35 am - Woken by a loud yell. Rushed out to find Jen staring horror-struck at a new e-mail:

"Why? WHY?!?"

 

4:04 am - Convinced Jen to come to bed. She lies in the dark, muttering, "Can't sleep. Lobster in blond wig will eat me."

 

I think it's going to be another long night.


Thanks to Lyle, James, Alistair, Carissa, Amanda M., Helen W., Elizabeth M., Kristin S., Eilen, Tyler O., Dana S., & Beatrice Y., for helping us avoid "real" jobs. Now: nap time!

*****

P.S. We can't have all those boob puns without a shout-out to my favorite wire-free bra. I have four of these now, and they're all I want to wear:

Warner's Easy Does It Seamless Wireless Bra

I plan to keep buying all the colors. I love the under-arm smoothing panel - no dig or pinch! - and like most Warners, these are incredibly comfortable. Up 'til last year I ONLY wore wired bras, and it took buying-and-returning over a dozen different brands and styles before I found these gems. They average $25-30 Prime, but I watch the listing and buy any color that goes under $20. ("Rosewater" is on sale right now for less than $15, so I just bought 4 more!)

Oh, and be sure to check the image gallery for a better idea of how they look on larger tracts of land.

Back Off, Man. I'm A Baker.

Are you bothered by strange noises in the middle of the night?

Plus rampant rodent droppings?

 

Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement, attic, or bakery?

"You guys, I have a feeling there's something really creepy below us..."

 

"SEE?!"

 

Have you or any of your family ever seen a spook, specter, or super sarcastic ghost?

"Like, boo, or whatever."

 

How about an entire tray of cupcakes giving you the finger?

 

If the answer is yes then don't wait another minute! Pick up the phone and call the prefessionals.

WRECKBUSTERS.

 

Our courteous and efficient staff is on call 24 hours a day to serve ALL your supernatural elimination needs.

"So let me get this straight: You're saying the ghost of your filet mignon just pooped on your couch?

"I call bullsh*t."

 

WRECKBUSTERS.

We're ready to relieve you!

"Ok, who brought the dog?"

 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

 

Hey E.L., Marsha M., Rose B., Grace K., Jessica B., Kayla F., Scott D., & Dustin S., listen! Do you smell something?

*****

P.S. Now that it's *almost* scarf weather in Florida let me show you my new favorite find:

The CVS Receipt Scarf

Y'all. It's soft, it goes with everything, and it's a giant CVS receipt. Talk about the best reveal when someone compliments your look!

******

And from my other blog, Epbot: