Ken Day Come-Ons 2: The Wrath Of Khen

And now, our yearly tradition continues...

[dimming lights]

[queuing up sexy saxophone music]

[adjusting Speedo]

Hey, Bebeh.

How YOU doin'?

Today is Ken Day, bebeh doll, and that means I'm here to make all your sexy, sexy dreams come true.

Except maybe that one.  

(Never again, Cancun.  NEVER AGAIN.)

That's right, my sprinkle-coated sugar dumpling, I am about to rock your world ... by dealing you a hand of Blackjack:

Or, wait... this is a hot tub? Oh. Ok. EVEN BETTER. Mrowr.

Now, slide that sweet little personality of yours over here, and have an enormous glass of ketchup:

I warmed up this side of the concrete slab just for you. [eyebrow waggle]

What's wrong, my tangy berry sweet tart? Is the concrete not to your liking? 

Perhaps you'd prefer some Satin Ice* sheets?

I don't lounge this casually for just anyone, you know. Mostly because I lack articulated elbows.

(*That one's for you, decorators.)

These boxers are really confining, though, my scrumptious fondant-wrapped cheesecake bite.

Here, let me slip into something a little more comfortable:

You can't see it, but I'm totally flexing for you right now. Unnng.

Ahh, I can tell by your dismayed expression that you're thinking EXACTLY what I'm thinking, my honey-drenched pudding pop: this DOES cover up too many of my "finer assets." [wink] Well, don't you worry. I can fix that.

[grunting]

[squelching noises]

Ok, my candy-coated cake pop! Prepare to meet ... THE LOINCLOTH OF LOVE:

Take me away, officer; I surrender to YOUR SEXINESS. 

Oh, and I should warn you: objects in the rear view are much hotter than they appear.

[jiggle jiggle]

Thanks to Sara O., Sanne V., Mary Ann B., Frank M., Laura S., Renee D., & Lauri M. for helping me retroactively ruin a lot of people's childhoods.

*****

A few years ago, after John and I first published this post, we received an e-mail from readers Charity and Royce. That e-mail contained an audio file. An audio file that, once played, would change our lives forever.

Or at least make us laugh like hyenas for a good five minutes.

So today, for your wrecking pleasure, we present that audio, combined with our original visuals. Turn up the volume, and ENJOY.

Note from john (thoJ): When I was making this video, I pitched down Royce's voice just a bit for sexiness. When I showed Jen, she asked if I could pitch it way UP. The result is, if possible, even more hysterical.

So I present to you... The chipmunk version!

P.S. Need a sweet gift for the person who has everything? Then how about a card that transforms into a bouquet:

Fresh Cut Paper Pop-Up Bouquet

 You mail these flat like a greeting card, then they pop up into the prettiest bouquet! I've sent a couple of these to both my parents and grandmother now. Fresh Cut has several different colors and flower arrangements to choose from, and I send mine straight from Amazon, so with Prime it's free shipping!

Sunday Sweets: IT'S ABOUT TIME

Goooood morning, Sweets fans! In case you missed it, most of us lost an hour last night thanks to Daylight Saving Time. (GRUMBLE GRUMBLE MUTTER CURSE.)

So in this trying time, let us look towards the patron saint of being late:

(Cut The Cake Kitchen, UK)

The White Rabbit!

He may be late for a very important date, but who can stay mad looking at this? Love the soft blues and Cheshire's painted eyes, which I could swear are actually glowing.

Yep, since we're going to spend all day complaining about the clock, we may as well look at some gorgeous edible ones:

(Cake Virtuoso Studio, Ireland)

OooOOooh. As much as I'd like to take out my sleepy aggression on a cakey clock, this one deserves a protective glass dome and a place of honor.

I can't figure out how big this next one is, but the intricate gears inside are giving me all the heart eyes:

(Sirha Catering, France)

Speaking of gears, how about a steampunk twist on the nursery rhyme "Hickory Dickory Dock?"

(Cake Dutchess, The Netherlands)

The mouse actually ran up the clock because he's a horologist and it was running slow.
#TheMoreYouKnow

Weird question: do you have a favorite clock? 'Cuz I do: the gilded 13 hour clock in Labyrinth. Sadly I couldn't find a cake version of it, but this one is close!

(Sweetness, location unknown)

I like the faceted gem up top, and all the swoopy leaf details.

Remember when Salvador Dali clocks were all the rage? I think they were required wall decor back in college.

(By Peapodlucy on Deviant Art)

Of course the melting clock is great, but the goldfish and her waterfall are the real show-stoppers.
Plus those peacock feathers!

Have to include a Cuckoo clock, because this one is adorable:

(Short North Piece of Cake, Ohio)

It's just so happy.

Ahh, but we can't talk about time - and how much we wish we could change it - without THIS colorful character:

(Bijou's Sweet Treats, Virginia)

VAN GOGH!

:D

Er, I mean Doctor Who!

There are so many great TARDIS cakes out there, but this one grabbed my heart with that luscious buttercream "paint" - it's so perfect.

Now, granted, the TARDIS is bigger on the inside... but can it hit 88 mph?

(By Ron Ben-Israel. Photo by Christopher Duggan)

Besides, this Delorean wedding cake (AW YEAH) also features the clock tower, so that's like a two-fer today. My favorite bit is the lightning bolt up top; such a great design.

And finally, let's end our time together with a little more steampunk:

(Cakes By Suzanne, Ireland)

Anyone else coming back for seconds?
And see what I did there?

:D

Happy Sunday, everyone! May your day be Sweet and your coffee be strong.

*****

P.S. Need a minimal wall clock that looks SUPER cool? Then check this out:

3D LED Wall Clock

It comes in two different sizes with adjustable brightness, 12 or 24 hour display, and a USB power cord, so no batteries needed. Both sizes are on sale right now, starting at just $20, and there's even one with color-changing LEDs!