7 Reasons To Avoid The Bakery This Easter

7 Reasons To Avoid The Bakery This Easter:

- Those annoyingly cheerful Easter colors:

It's like they managed to bottle Spring.

- Saint Harry's Tinsel Toupees:

"For when your hair hasn't got a prayer!"

- REALLY Bad Eggs:

Drink up, me hearty, yo ho!

(You're gonna need it.)

- Professional Toddler Art:

Say what you will, but I find it admirable that someone is getting all these three-year-olds off the street and into real jobs.

- Mutant Pig Bunnies

Two words: Pork Hops.

For those of you who may bemoan the secularization of Easter:

Now aren't you glad they usually stick to bunnies?

(That supposedly says, "He Has Risen." Even worse, I think the red thing is supposed to be a cross.)

And finally:

- Ewe-Know-Who:

That's some shear terror, right there.

Thanks to Rachael J., Molly R., Lynaa W., Amanda S., Angelica C., Leah R., & Melissa M., who'd like to point out that THIS sheep Voldemort has a much better likeness, but I think she's just potty.

BONUS GIGGLE:

When bunnies play with portals:

"The cupcakes are a lie!"

*****

Spring means spring-cleaning, and this storage chain I featured a few years ago in Epbot's "10 Clever Ways To Display Plush Toys" is still a best-seller:

Toy Chain Organizer
You can use it to clip up toys, hats, scarves, gloves, greeting cards - anything lightweight you can fit a clip around. For under $20 it's a great way to use awkward spaces in closets, behind doors, or even swagged over a bed or desk.

It's Official: Bakers Hate The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

I don't know why, minions, but it's true: bakers hate the Ninja Turtles.

How else can you explain this?

Or this?

Or THIS?

Aw, a lobster reached across his face and tried to flex. SO CUTE.

So fierce are the flames of this loathing that some bakers are driven - DRIVEN, I say - to churn out new turtle-'trocities every week!

But why?

Did they hear "Cowabunga" one too many times as a child?

Is this retribution for the Turtles' anchovy & fudge sauce pizza orders?

Are these bakers secret members of The Foot Clan?!

Or - and this one is truly unthinkable - do they not like the new theme song*?

♫ The good guys win and bad guys lose! ♪

[awkwardly stops chair dancing]

Ahem.

Whatever the reason, bakers, can't we all just get along?

And stop shoving spoons in Raphael's face?

After all, bakers, we really don't need you destroying our childhood heroes.

We have movie producers for that.

Thanks to Amanda S., Carrie H., Crista C., Aubrey D., Becca, Cat R., Sharlyn W., Anony M., Jennifer J., & Tabatha B. for the excuse to post this:

ALL TOGETHER NOW!

[resumes chair dancing]

*****

P.S. I don't know who needs to see this, but TeeTurtle makes a plush turtle... that turns into a ninja.

Reversible Ninja Turtle Plushie

It's the perfect squishy gift for fans of turtles, ninjas, AND ninja turtles.