Passive Aggression is a Dish Best Served Iced
Passive aggression comes in many forms, but I prefer the subtle approach for added deniability. The message is still there, of course, but it's not so obvious as to get you immediately disowned.
"Here's a big dead tree to represent your general state of witheredness.
"Oh, and..." [jazz hands] "Happy birthday."
If she asks, it's a crown. But we both know better.
"No, Mom, of COURSE that's not a hand giving you the finger. It's a crown. Because you are a ROYAL...delight."
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this engagement cake:
...except that the groom's name is Nathan.
Nathan: 0
Mother-in-Law: + 20
When the subtle approach isn't getting the job done, though, sometimes you have to step up your game. And then put it in quotes:
"Also, I got this off the week-old clearance rack. For free."
Vicky: "It's not even my birthday!"
"We know; we just wanted to make extra sure you knew you were being excluded."
"No, seriously, we're reeeeally sorry about that. Now, can we get you some cake? Or a drink? Maybe some adult diapers?"
Sarah C. claims she only asked for Happy Birthday, and the baker overheard her saying the rest on the phone to someone else. Riiiiight. How'd that excuse fly with the birthday girl, Sarah?
Of course, when it comes to passive aggressive cakes, nothing can ever compare to the ones mom used to make.
Right, Jason?
Oops, looks like we just missed Jason - he's gone on a guilt trip. See ya when you get back, buddy! "Enjoy!"
Thanks to Anne M., Courtney B., Emily K., Greer D., Laura P., Jessica S., Jennifer B., Sarah C., & Sue F., who will always still love me. Right, guys?
Guys? ...Hello?
*****
P.S. Since this saved my butt during a long painting day recently, I have a random product recommendation:
No Buckle No-Show Stretch Belt
This is my new favorite belt, y'all. It basically turns anything with belt loops into an elastic waist. So comfy I forget it's on, slimline so it doesn't show under my t-shirts, and NO BELT BUCKLE to dig into my belly or unbuckle for bathroom breaks. Woohoo!
You know how stretch jeans are forever sliding down when you sit or bend, so you have to keep hitching them back up? No more! I wear this with all my jeans now. It's entirely elastic, so it moves and stretches with you, zero painful digging. I HIGHLY recommend for anyone well endowed with squish in the belly area.
