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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Sep292008

Going to the Dogs

For some reason canine cakes seem to be all the rage these days, particularly in grocery-store bakeries. Now, I don't want to get down on these decorators too much, considering that a) they are usually over-worked and under-trained, and b) they outnumber me significantly. That said, you'd think that whoever was in charge of this kind of thing would have known that these doggy designs were a little, shall we say, beyond this group's collective skill set?

For example, here's the picture you order from:

And here's what you get:


Niiice. See, you can tell it's the exact same cake you ordered, 'cuz it has that red loopy bow sticking out of its head. I particularly like the oozing eye. Plus, that red "collar" looks a lot more like a gushing cranial wound - ditto for the "tongue".

I guess this one's a little better:


But it still looks more like a dirty mop-head with a face drawn on than a dog. Where are the legs? The ears? The neck? Also, if you're going to have a cake like this, why oh why would you stick candles in the poor pooch's back? He looks like he's been the target of sky-diving archers.

Also in vogue are the tiny cupcake pups, ala Miss Love-You-1.000-Time. These are already wrecktastic in concept, given that there are only 2 cupcakes underneath the deluge of frosting, but the execution just makes 'em that much better. Check back tomorrow for those; this post is officially "to be continued"!

Many thanks to Fawn R. & Monique R. for submitting the "dogs".

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Reader Comments (82)

Ack, and the candles coming out of it's back make it look so tortured.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Dutchess of Kickball

The other day I ran into a dog-cake video in youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOyibd6tDvo

It might be just me, but I would find it creepy to eat a cake that looks just like my dog.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterXslf

I'm a big fan of the phrase "gushing cranial wound." Rolls right off the tongue.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJohn Gjertsen

Oh, how I look forward to your witty banter every morning. I looked at the first picture, and while I didn't like it all that much, thought it wasn't a bad rendition of a dog. Then I saw what the cakes actually looked like (and of course, your description of them) and I had to cup my hand over my mouth as I laughed out loud in my cubicle!

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKameron

Maybe that first guy was just struggling because someone had hidden his airbrush? But still - having the dog spitting blood from which you write the text? Not good.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterros

is it just me or does the first cake wreck after the "good" one look like a disturbing cross between a persian cat and a small terrier? *shudder*

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterElizabethC

The second cake reminds me of the trash heap from Fraggle Rock that lived in the backyard of The Gorgs.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRecoveringActor

I'm at a loss for words today.
Woof. Woof.
~Amy B

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think I'd say dusty mop more than dog. Yuck!

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenternixtress

Your blog is awesome. The pictures aren't as funny (more like scary)as your commentary on them. You rock, like the hand of one of these cake decorators.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJim and Garret

OK, that first one there looks like the poor pup is vomiting the words 'Happy Birthday' in blood. That is one unhealthy pooch! The second one? Well, if you're a cake decorator, and it's going that badly, why, oh why, would you bust out the air brush!!! Oh LORD! Just so you know, viewing the daily wreck has become an event for my entire laboratory! Science breaks for Cake Wrecks! Great blog!

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Seriously, it's right up there with eating the baby! I refuse to make one, it's just not right! Especially when done so wrong!

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterValarie

These remind me of one of my fave childhood movies, The Wizard of Oz. No, not because they remind me of Toto. When I saw them I distinctly heard a cackly voice going, "Ahhhh, look what you've done, I'm melting, ahhhhh"

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah Godin

Anyone who would order this cake based on the "model" photo deserves what they get. It looks like it's growing mold.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterdr_igloo

When I scrolled down to the wreck, I thought it was a cat, and thought they totally had it so wrong. Well, they did. I know I am rather judgmental on these types of cakes even if well executed; I just don't think I like cakes to try to look like the real thing they are depicting. Cartoon dogs, okay; realistic, not okay.

Can't wait for tomorrows presentation!

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPrinceton McKinney

I've got to say the original dog cake kind of freaks me out too just because the hair looks so...hair like? I have no urge to eat a fuzzy cake.
But yeah that third cake looks EXACTLY like the nasty old kitchen mop I found left in one of the apartments I lived in in college. Same shade of gray, same dubious contents.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterleslie

And now i'm bummed i didn't order this cake from Publix. I must admit i was surprised to see it in their book. Maybe i'll have to order it just to see what i get for the next party I throw.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAubrey Kinnaman

*sharp intake of breath* That first one (if you'll pardon the pun) takes the cake!

As for the second one - why not a big mop-handle candle in the middle?

Made my day, as usual!

Kat

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPoetikat

I think the second one only looks better because its a little more abstract and doesnt appear to be bleeding!
I think the original (while well done) is creepy!!

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter*Michelle

I don't think these are all that bad as renditions of the "model." Not great, but only just barely wrecks. Especially if you give the first one the benefit of the doubt and assume they don't have an airbrush there -- the plain brown icing was a better option than trying to match the airbrushed version in that case. And its shape and fur texture are better than on the second one. The eyes are scary though.

Really I think the source of the problem with these is the model. It just isn't a very attractive cake to begin with, so even well-done copies are guaranteed not to be too attractive.

And the bow bothers me because it's probably on a pick. It is too reminiscent of... you know, I'm not even going there. Instead I'll go the second place it reminds me of, which is the alien-ice-pick-killings in The X-Files. Not an image I want in the cake context.

How the heck do they do that "fur" texture?

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterkansas girl

Yeah, that seems like something a boutique type bakery would have in catalog, rather than a grocery store bakery....yeesh, the example picture is creepy enough...

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDea

I think that first one is a "Deepest Condolences For Backing Over Mr. Snuffles" cake.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It looks like the tongue is spelling "Happy Birthday." Ew.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think this is halarious!!! The doggy cake picture that you ordered from was really good. I don't see how you could expect anyone to make it that way anyways. You are right in the fact that the red collar and the tounge look like ozing wombs. This blog is so funny. Good descritions!

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjennifer#6

Oh, bless your heart. I discovered this blog a few weeks ago and use the RSS feed as a certified morning laugh. Today definitely did not disappoint.

Do they have a SPCA – Society for the Prevention of Cake Abuse?

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterwhereinchicago

Your blog has convinced me I must try to decorate a cake with fondant. After all, it cannot be as bad as some of the ones shown!

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterwrittenwyrdd

Wow those are BAD! What's odd is I saw a few of the first pic cakes done exactly the same at the bakery in Walmart. If they could do it...

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

I have issues with people wanting to eat replicated pets. There is something just so wrong about cutting up and serving Fluffy to all your friends.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbuttercream

That original picture looks very much like a computer rendering - not an actual photograph of a cake. Talk about misleading.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBob

The first one looks like something my dog barfed up...

But I agree, unless you're ordering something like this from Duff (Ace of Cakes) or someone like him, you're asking for trouble

and having just had a b'day cake from Sam's (I think), the sight of all that frosting is just making me sick

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterphillygirl64

I can't bear to think of eating any cake that looks like an animal. There have been so many times that I have been jonesing for a cupcake but all they have are cupcakes with dog heads on them. It is a major turn-off.

You really have a knack for description. I sit at work and read your blog, and crack up, and people walk by and are like, why are you laughing at pictures of cakes?

They don't understand us.

-Steph

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commentergratefulsned

It should also be noted that the blood oozing from wreck #1's mouth actually spells "Happy Birthay"
:sigh: The cake tasted great but we had to dig it out from underneath about a gallon of icing!

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFawn R.

OMG!! RecoveringActor! Get out of my head! That is exactly what I was thinking! Not many people would automatically go to Fraggles when looking at those cakes.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPersnickety Ticker

I feel like that first cake is "unique" to where there's no way someone could actually replica that.

And I think someone is wrong with the asker to actually ask a grocery store bakery to make a cake like that and expect it to look exactly like the original.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJane

Normally you notice all the tiny details that go into the complete wreckitude of a cake, but methinks you missed something in the first one. That, or someone changed the spelling of "birthday" without telling me :).

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ugh. I bought one of the puppy cupcakes for my kids from the grocery store. Covered in frosting, but the left the paper on the cupcake!!! My kid totally bit into it, and why wouldn't she? It was covered in frosting!

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMary S.

You know, I recently saw an episode of Ace of Cakes where Chef Duff and friends had been contracted to make a cake of the client's Dachshound (sp?) on a hot dog bun with hot dog condiments on it (mustard, relish, etc.). I thought it was a truly unappetizing idea for a cake, but I had to admit that as much as I wouldn't want a piece, they did a good job with it. Thankfully, they made it a little cartoony, too, so that it didn't really look like 'hey, we're eating our friend's dog with mustard.'

All in all, I thought it was the cake I'd least want to eat in the world...until I saw these poor, pathetic pups.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTwistie

Ugh! Horrible. Even if they were made better, do you really want to carve up a dog and eat it? It's icky.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLaylabean

"Check back tomorrow"...as if it's possible not to check for a new post each day.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I would much rather eat the wreck cakes because they do NOT look realistic like dogs. I would find it grusome to eat the realistic model dog.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLynellen

This isn't really specific, but a friend of mine introduced me to your blog and I LOVE IT! Now when I go grocery shopping I always make my way over to the bakery counter HOPING that there is some godawful tumor of a cake waiting to be photographed and emailed to you by me. Keep up the good work.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter0100101001001000

It looks like he's been stuck by a porcupine!

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTenacious Tess

Oh, I can so see myself trying to replicate that original cake for my daughter, and ending up with one of the ones below! Ouch!

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter--Rebecca

At least each of them used the same cake board as in the original...

I know, I'm reaching. So bad!!

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKaye

New to the blog - love it! I agree with other posters; the *original* cake is hideous enough, why would you even want to reproduce it? Maybe you need a new category: "Good" Cake Originals. (You could even include those "good" CCCs haha).

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

In all honesty, these dog cakes are hard! I don't think I'm ready to do one yet. That being said, I KNOW I can't do one and would never agree to it to begin with. Maybe these bakeries need to learn the same.

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Okay, that is really sad! Who would think those were even CLOSE to the original??? Looks like they just plopped a whole lotta icing over a mound of cake. What in the world?? lol You call those dogs?? hehehe

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMichele

I've got to say, I think the middle one is by far the least disturbing...

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRobert Synnott

Somehow these wrecks make me feel so sad. I feel ashamed for whoever made them. :( Just... so... ugly!!!

Anyway: lol!

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBlanca

oh, my i laughed so hard this morning. what does that yellow tag say on that first pathetic doggie? "[something] Bear"?

September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterEtiquette Bitch

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