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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Sep082008

I Think I've Just Been Punk'd

If you guys thought the first wedding disaster cake was bad, hold on to your pantaloons.

Alright, let's set the scene: here's what the bride asked for, only in all white with minor green accents.

Now, I would tell you to take a moment to prepare yourselves for the horror you're about to witness, but frankly no amount of time would be adequate. So just go ahead and scroll down now.


I'll give you a moment.

[whistling]

Back in your seat now? Good. Because believe it or not, there's more. Aw yeah.

1) The top tier still had the Springform pan under it.

2) The cake "base" is a metal sign.

3) I swear I am not making this up.

Ok, so the bottom levels are covered with a fondant lumpier than the Bearded Lady's thighs, and the top tier is the wrong shape and isn't even iced completely. I see all that, and yet you know what the funniest bit to me is? Those green lines up the sides, which I can only assume are attempts at "ribbons": not only are they as unlike ribbons as icing can possibly get, but they don't even line up! Somehow that last bit of lunacy just sends me over the edge.

(This post is also the first in a new category: Missed Marks. Because nothing is quite so wrecktastic as when you see what it was supposed to look like.)

Now like you, I'm sure, I was highly skeptical about this being a "professional" cake. However, the e-mail came from the bride herself, and she seemed outraged enough to be telling the truth. (Yes, a replacement cake was procured at the eleventh hour.) I can only assume the icing and generic tips in the photo were purchased to try and "fix" the cake after it was picked up. In fact, Vicky C., if you're reading this, you might want to chime in on the Comments section now, just to back me up here.

[crickets chirping]

Vicky? Er, Vicky, c'mon now, this isn't funny.

[crickets still chirping]

Seriously, Vicky: tell the people I'm telling the truth. Vicky? Er...Vicky?

Vicky?!?

UPDATE: YES!! Vicky the bride has spoken!!! Check the Comments section for her assurances of this cake's validity. (You'll have to scroll waaaay down; you guys are certainly letting your voices be heard on this one, aren't you?)

« The Painted Cake Cometh | Main | Fan Wrecks »

Reader Comments (274)

OMG. If that would’ve been my wedding cake, I probably would’ve killed the cake designer. And not even as a figure of speech.. I would’ve seriously injured him/her.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterYvonne

What the...I thought our wedding cake was bad....(no tiers like ordered, just the layers plunked down on each other and barely enough to feed everyone.) Poor bride.

~Liz

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

Words escape me.
No, they don't.
Holy Sh*t.
I refuse to believe this is real.
Stop making fun of my thighs.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Courteous Chihuahua

I cannot believe that she would have accepted delivery (ie- picked this cake up and left the store) I would still be standing there waiting for a new cake to appear.

I love this blog!!!

A happy cake lover

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

was the cake maker a meth addict?

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

I think we should all know the name of this bakery so that NONE OF US WILL EVER USE THEM! I still think the plaid cake came out about as bad as this one did. Bakers should just be honest if they don't think they can replicate a cake!! YIKES!!!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Engelhardt 4

Can anyone explain what the mini marshmallows were going to be used for?? I can imagine that they would have somehow made the cake look even better, right?

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjenjifer

oh.my.god

Don't know what to say. Poor poor dear. I hope the replacement cake was ok.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commenteryanicka

Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear. That was just horrifying. If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room with a cool cloth on my head, pondering the meaning of the bag of mini marshamllows in the background.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDottie Parker

Did the picture the decorator was working off get wet? Maybe chewed on by the family pet some? A piranha perhaps?

Yikes. I think her cake got dropped. And kicked. Maybe that piranha thought it would be as good to eat as that picture...

I'm glad you told me what the random lines were, I thought the cake was melting. I admire the effort, but no amount of fixing would save that, glad she found something else.

Yikes.

Did they get to keep the pan? Were they charged extra? ;) I know! It was protection from the piranha that seemed so determined to eat this thing.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

Oh. My. God.

When I get married, I'm going to toss down a platter of Oreo cookies and call it a day. Screw all this "pretty cake" business.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRachelle

Oh my.

1) I'm so glad that bride came up with a replacement cake.

2) I'm also so glad I made my own wedding cake. Wow. Talk about unnecessary stress!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

That is one seriously horrible cake. I can't imagine the stress that bride went through.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

See the bag of mini-marshmallows? I think that's what they shoved UNDER the bottom layers of fondant...they decided they didn't put enough IN the mini-marshmallow fondant so they added more!! Anyway, looks too gross to even eat. Bleeeeeechhh!!!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermonster

Oh, this one and the first wedding cake make my heart cry. The only wedding cake I've ever made is my own because I would never want the responsiblity of making a bride happy or, in these cases, so so sad.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersherri

OH. MY.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commentershannon

This cake is inspiring, really.

It's the kind of thing that makes you want to learn how to decorate cakes, if only to reduce the likelihood of creating something so perverse.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMatt

Oh, Vicky, why did you do it?
(And why didn't you do it more convincingly?)

Ummm... what's with the mini marshmallows? Is that what's causing the fondant icing to be so lumpy?

Geez.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKat

I'm wondering if Vicky can tell us more about the mini marshmallows... I'm intrigued.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterannie

I would like to know what the bag of mini marshmallows right behind the cake will be used for. The bag is close enough to the cake that it appears there is some plan to use them ON the cake...

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I can't believe this to be professional by any stretch of the imagination... just because someone charges you for a cake doesn't mean it's professional... yikes!!!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

Reminds me of the plaid cake. At least they used fondant this time, instead of buttercream for the whole thing.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Wow, it's a tough choice. I can't decide which missed mark I like better, this one here or that plaid one you covered awhile ago. (http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2008/07/inspiration-vs-perspiration.html)

Either one would give me a full-on heart attack if I were the bride.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commentershoesonwrong

yeah, that so isn't real. Nice try though!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I really don't believe that's a professional cake. I teach CHILDREN to decorate cakes. Last year 12 kids between 10 & 14 years old made MUCH nicer stacked wedding cakes cakes than that. I think you've been had but it is funny anyway.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCat's Creations

I think that it's more than likely a kitchen cake. Maybe you should make them produce a receipt or something. We have a lady nearby who is a semi-pro and does weddings, but does them out of her own kitchen, I think she doesn't use ziplock bags though, LOL.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJan

I remember seeing this before, and seeing that it wasn't a fake. I got married around the same time I saw this, and it definitely gave me nightmares!!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterlelah

Holy smokes! And I thought my sister's wedding cake was bad. And what's up with the marshmallows?

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmber Grannis

What is wrong with the cake at the top?

Granted, it looks like a stack of Tiffany boxes, but it looks nice and professional. Or is that the replacement cake that was procured at the 11th hour?

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBrett

wow... this is when you check references and pics of past cakes!
I've just recently discovered your blog and I love it!! keep up the good work... hope I never see one of my cakes here! lol

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFlorellis

just hideously hilarious

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLily

I had to read this description several times ... I kept saying "no way," we're being punked.
1. Clearly the first Tiffany's Blue cake is three squares descending in size. When did two squares of descending size and a round become the same thing? New geometry?
2. That's fondant on the bottom layers? Maybe pre-applied cellulite fondant.
3. Why are there mini-marshmallows on the counter behind the cake?
4. Is 4-H green even the right green?
5. Nice cake plate.
6. I think we need a new definition of professional ... I do wonder what was shown to the bride as examples of this baker's work?
I feel terrible for the bride. Not a nice way to start a marriage with a cake wreck like this one...

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCaliGirl9

Oh that's truly awful. Where that bride my wife, the perp would be lying face down in a gutter somewhere, with the decorator shoved... Well, you know.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterScott

What do you s'pose the mini mashmallows were for?

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterhopemcg

I call shens. Unfortunately, I think a lot (well, not a lot, maybe 5% or so) of the cakes posted in this blog have been--ah--tampered with. (I still keep coming back, though!)

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm not a suing type of girl but something like that...
I mean, its not even a complicated cake!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDigits

It helps to think of the story behind the cakewreck as a sitcom:
Baker gets a bad case of chicken pox, baker's dimwitted but well meaning husband has to finish cake orders while baker is in hospital, hijinx ensue.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGeorge Ramilton

This has got to be the ugliest cake I've ever seen!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCindy

Redneck Cake Decorators! That could be the only explanation! Do these people operate out of a Uhaul or something?

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterwhywouldyouknitthat

This was, quite frankly, one of the more horrifying things I've ever seen.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLindsey

OH NO!! Terrible, just terrible.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

This is 100% not real...where are the GOOD and REAL wrecks?? LAME.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLo

OMG!!!! Are you freaking kidding me???? My 16 yr old can do a better job than that!

That poor, poor bride.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSmoochiefrog

I have....no words.
~Amy

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I would probably jack up the cake like the green giant professional did with the little minis, however, I'm no pro---but it does look kitchen made (in looking at the surrounding evidence)

Stick with Red Velvet cupcakes instead that's what I always say.

crustybeef

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCRUSTYBEEF

I strongly suspect shananigans...even an inexperienced baker could do better. Maybe it was a friend that they asked to do it?
I suspect the mini marshmellows are there for "leveling" purposes. I have heard of some folks using marshmellows under the corners of cake to raise the corner up so it matches the height of the middle of the cake (rather than leveling the cake with a knife like a sane person).

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterpeachfish

Holy s**t.

I have never decorated a cake before, short of smearing some icing over a sheet cake and adding candles, and I am fully convinced I could've done a better job than this, just from watching cake decorating contests on Food Network.

Out of curiosity, I want to see the replacement! :)

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDoody Mac

For everyone wondering about the marshmallows in the back ground: I think that they were used to make MMF (marshmallow fondant). This is pathetic enough in its self-what self respecting decorator would use that for a wedding cake? For cakes you make for yourself, OK, but you are not going to get a cake like what the Bride requested with that stuff!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSummer Rippe

Whether this is legit or not it gave me a good laugh this morning! (I absolutely LOVE the plaid cake story, btw...I keep going back to it and cringing...lol)
I always want to decorate cakes after I read your blog...keep it coming!!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

FAKE.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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