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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Jan082009

Hey, Bebeh

"Girl, you lookin' fine. Why don't you come over here, and give daddy a lil' sugar?"

"Check it. I've got a spiky polar-bear-skin rug for us to lounge on, and some suh-weet champagne glasses the size of water coolers. I even put on my navy blue tighty-whities, 'cuz I know how much you dig those.

"What's that, kitten? You like the light blue ones better? No problem."

[patting rug] "This cracked concrete floor is hard, baby, but not as hard as...er...my...devotion to you? Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Hey, kids! What are you doing in here? Amscray, will ya?"

"That's better. Now, where were we? Ah, yes, talking about how lucky you are - or at least how lucky you're gonna be. [waggling eyebrows] Aww yeaaah. This sea I'm lying in is the ocean of my love, and it's all for you, girl, it's all for you. [wink wink]

"What's a matter, doll? Still not convinced? How 'bout if I do some leg lifts?"

"My sticker may say 'yellow', pudd'n, but this here treat is pure chocolate, if you know what I'm sayin'."

I don't know about you, Aimee T., Lisa C., J.B., and Becky B., but I am definitely in the mood - for cake.

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Reader Comments (318)

That spike-studded Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man can't be comfortable for that poor guy to lay down on...

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeghan

WOW.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGabrielle

What says come on over for a booty call more than a spikey Polar Bear rug, cracked concrete floor, and plastic child predator doing leg lifts? Nada, my friends, nada.

Jen, but you are the charmer mon cheri.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlix

This post had me peeing in my pants. Hilarious!!!!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTonia

Bachelor #3 there looks like he's on a polar-bear shaped pool floatie.

That's the only way I can reconcile the Speedo, anyway.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

YIKES!!!

But LOL at your commentary, which nearly made me spit water on my computer.

Word verification was verri: This post was verri funny.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShayne

Haha, I love the bear skin rug renditions - that makes it so much better.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRy@SpillingBuckets

What is that a reference too? It has to be something, or otherwise why would they all have the same thing essentially? Is this some portion of the collective consciousness that I have (thankfully) missed out on?

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJeshii

Crocheted polar bear skin rugs are the best!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterD.B. Echo

Hahahaha! What in the name of buttercream frosting were they thinking???

word verification: skindis. Um, I'd rather not.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

I thought the first one was Barbie's Ken wrestling with the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man.

WV: flion.... I want to be the flion the wall when these wreckorators first debut this kind of "art" to a coworker.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

oh. my.

the bearskin rug is the best part.

what on EARTH is the point of this cake?

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLinnea

This is by far my favorite Cake Wreck day!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJen

bwahahahaha!

I thought the first one was being attacked by the abominable snowman.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterk-bro

So, do the instructions on the "figurine" package say: "Use star tip to pipe bear skin rug or reasonable facsimile. Place on top of rug."

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

OMG...I got that same exact cake for my 19th birthday!! (Ahem...21 years ago....) The guy is still sitting in my mom's china cabinet!! LOL

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCheryl

Wow. I had no idea this cake was available. I am speechless. Is this "design" in one of those books of available designs? Wow.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commentergfxchick

Bachelor #2's head doesn't match his body!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlisa

oh dear goodness....frosting bear skin rugs....even in all this wreckiness, something I thought I'd never see....

Love it!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBonnie

Ummmm. . . the "rugs"? I would have guessed otter, rhino and race car - skin rugs but bear? I don't see it.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

Why... why, why, why are there multiples of this absurd cake!?

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCorrie

Aw, if only I'd known about those cakes before my 40th birthday.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHalf Assed Kitchen

i know just the friend i'm going to request THESE CAKES for for her birthday.

she will die of embarrassment and i will die of laughing my ass off.

these are gold. gold i tell you!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterandlaughing

This is just to funny! Thanks for the laugh.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeah

Is that supposed to be Burt Reynolds from the Cosmo centerfold 1123356489099870 years ago?

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlynettepleasant

I usually read your blogs with my kids. It's a good thing I was too busy to include them. I was laughing 'til I cried! I don't even want to think about any occasions that would warrant one of these cakes. I can't even believe they make the plastic man in the first place. Someone somewhere is totally warped! Thanks for such a great post. -Jen

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterut_barones

A couple of those rugs look like the Abominable Snowman from Rudolph. Are these cakes celebrating the adult version of that movie?

"Hermey wants to be a male stripper!"

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Courteous Chihuahua

I know what kind of cake I want for my birthday. Ooooh yeah... Makes me think of cheesey 80's goodness! Oh if only he had some painted on chest hair! oooooooer!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDanielle

Just to make matters even better, does Bachelor #3's cake have text-spacing issues? "Bettis Getting Older"--Is the person's name "Bettis" and the decorator doesn't know proper grammar, or is her name "Bett" and she "IS getting older"? Just something to ponder while I do leg lifts on a bear-skin rug...

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I don't understand the writing on the red-undied one.

"Bettis getting old"?

A misspelled "beats getting old"?

"Bett is getting old"?

It's times like this I'm glad I just make my own darned cakes!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenternissarella

Jeshii & Linnea -- Monstrosities along these lines are sometimes served at bridal showers and bachelorette parties.

My cousin once got one, entirely frosted, without the speedo. Ugh!!!! Three guesses which portion of the cake everyone refused to eat?

WV: manerman. As in, man-er-man that is one unbelievable cake.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGM

Oh, yeah. These would really put me in the mood..for a diet. Geez. Why have a real man when you can have a plastic one on a spiked rug? Heh, heh, heh...

~Amy B

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

The scary thing is that SO MANY different cake places have this creepy "leisure suit larry" sans-suit guy on cake.



surist - This surist a seducing cake!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBryna

OMG! I got one of those cakes for my 18th birthday. I had forgotten all about it until your brought that memory flying back! Too funny!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristin

Oh my! I particularly like that the one "bear" is stabbed with a plastic Lucky Lady sign.

Not so lucky for the bear I guess, but the plastic man who survived drinking the 2 biggest drinks on the planet is plenty lucky to be so "perky."

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBibi

*cough, cough*
Ahem... uh...
*clear throat*
These look... tasty?
Freaky?
Not sure what to say here.

And why doesn't speedo boy #2's face match his body?

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMy Ice Cream Diary

So funny! Long time reader and I always get a laugh, but today it really struck me I guess, so I had to comment. =)

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

So wrong on EVERY level!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVashti

Nothing sets the mood like this cake!!!

I have to say this site has given me a whole new outlook on cakes!! It's wonderful!! I cannot believe the cakes decorators try to pass off!! Do they really think the cakes look good???

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

AHHH!!! In light of all the global warming/endangered polar bear stories out there right now, a mostly naked guy floating around on what is (clearly) a dead polar bear prostrate on a blue ocean of cake is both topical and tasteless! Good for you, wrecky bakers! Take a stand!

Ha ha ha... HILARIOUS.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

I also vote this as my favorite cakewreck day ever! Commentary/"dialog" was priceless on this one. I love it!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKate

I just found your blog and I gotta say, this stuff is just so wonderfully horribly wrong, it's awesome.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlcsa99

You know, I had no idea that this theme would be so prevalant, and I was actually asked last night if I make adult-themed cakes. not that these are that adult.

But on that third cake (I think.. second?) the border and string work down the sides are actually nice! What the hell happened to the top!?!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

This just made my entire rainy day!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNorse, Jesica, and Boden

I like the Disney Princess napkins in the background of the first cake. Really makes you wonder what age group this "party" was for....

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCara

Bwaahahaahahahahaahahaa!
I had no idea that first one was supposed to be a bear skin rug when I first looked at it. I thought it was a screwy cloud, as if to portray some sort of "dream consort."
Those are all so awesomely creepy, though! I dig it (in the same way I dig really bad European '90s music).

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMisha

Why does the polar bear in the third picture have such a giant tail? I did not know that polar bears had giant tails. You learn something new everyday I tell ya!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBudgyrl

Bettis Getting Old?

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermarybindc

I can scarcely believe my eyes, and I'd bet the polar bear feels the same - Brrrrrrrr!

That's a cake maker (just the one I'd guess, and hope!) who is working out some kind of serious obsession, non?

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterA Woman Of No Importance

Excellent commentary! Just needed some chick-a- wow-wow guitar in the background...

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMi3ke

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