My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The Twilight Zone

Tonight I'm going to be doing a live author chat over on Twilight Moms, a website devoted to moms who enjoy astronomical chitchat.

Or maybe they have something to do with vampires. Hm. Come to think of it, that might explain a few things, actually...

Well, if I've learned anything from being a fangirl myself (though admittedly more of the sci-fi genre) it's that you always look for common ground when dealing with bloodthirsty devotees. That, and no sudden movements. So, Twi-hards, sink your teeth into THIS (while the rest of us casually stroll off in this direction):

As you can see, there are two crucial elements to most Twilight cakes:
1) edible photo paper, and
2) lots of black icing.

Unfortunately, black icing does tend to show how green the "black" ink in edible photos can be. But what can you do? Draw something?

Say, this is actually pretty good! And way to represent the big girls, baker; I'm tired of the skinny chick always getting the sparkly immortal. Even if she is impaling his arm with her big ol' man-hand.

Well, better get back to the formula, I suppose. Only, what's that you say? You want MORE black icing? Nooo problem:

Well that's gonna leave a mark stain. No, I don't know what the white swirly bits are supposed to be. And yes, it does look like a postage stamp. But let's not give anyone ideas, mmkay?

You know, for vampire-themed cakes these things have been awfully blood-free.

Ah, that's better. The oozing bell peppers really add something, too. Specifically, something that makes even less sense than writing "Forks Twilight" on a cake.

(Yes, I know that Forks is the name of the town in the story. That's hardly an explanation, though.)

As with all cakes, the most important thing to remember when ordering a Twilight design is that nothing beats a little forethought, balance, and beautifully scripted text:

Yep, nothing would have beat any of those right about now.

[Pro tip: if you're going to scratch guide lines into the icing, keep in mind that airbrushed icing is white underneath.]

And lastly, choosing the right text for your tribute cake is also key:

"What if I'm not the hero? What if I'm the bad guy? What a stupid lamb! What a sick, masochistic lion."


Happy Birthday!

Or would it make more sense as an anniversary cake? [evil grin]

I hate to admit it, Giselle P., Katelynn B., Emily S., Jennifer T., & Itzkeleen, but I think the first Twilight Wreck I posted still takes the cake. (Keeping in mind that only the professional cakes count, of course; there are tons of hilarious amateur jobs out there.)

- Related Wreckage: The Twilight of our Discontent

« Step One: Cut a Hole in the Pumpkin | Main | Fan "Art" »

Reader Comments (291)

The writing on the last cake looks like it says "What if I'm not the nerd."

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterloonieroonie

Does that last one look like it has bacon on it? It does a little, right? So confused. . .

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertkangaroo

Seriously, on that last cake I thought it said "What if I'm not the nerd?"


October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSara

Did anyone else read "What if I'm not the nerd?" on the bottom cake? Maybe it's just me...

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

The text on the last one, I originally thought ended with the word "nerd". I am much amused.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterelizabeth

ON that last cake, I was sure it said "What if I'm not the nerd?"

Yes, I'll be the first to say I know nothing about the books/movies. I'm guessing it's a classic quote.

But what if I'm NOT the nerd?

:-D Lily

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Maybe it is me, but it looks more like "What if I am not the nerd?" Too funny.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I read that last one as "What if I'm not the nerd?" and was thinking...there's a DOUBT?

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKay

why is there raw bacon on the last cake? wouldn't a few slabs of mutton be a more appropriate meat product, if that is what you are going for?

wv. blects is what i said when i saw the raw bacon on that cake.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertangeria

I thought the last cake said "What if I'mnot the nerd?" Lol. And I must say that nothing says "Twilight" better than powdered sugar covered bacon strips.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh, man. Somehow I missed that first Twilight post back when you wrote it, so I just saw it for the first time today. Can I just tell you how much more I love you for making a Richard III pun in the title? Now is the twilight of our discontent, indeed.

(Full disclosure: I was an English major, sure, but I wouldn't have recognized the quote except for the Extreme Richard III scene in Thursday Next. Which, Jen, if you haven't read it, RUN, don't walk, to your nearest bookstore and get the whole series - you would LOVE them.)

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterabi

At first glance, I thought that last cake said "What if I'm not the nerd?" :)

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNic

is that bacon on the last cake?

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaylen

hahaha to make that last cake even wreckier (since i'm not a twilight reader or watcher), i thought it said "what if i'm not the nerd?"

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteramy =)

It took me far too long to realize that the "bell peppers" were supposed to be apples... and even longer to stop staring at the center of the last cake,trying to decide what that bacon-lookin' stuff is supposed to be.

Jury's still out on the last part. I'm going with bacon.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The last one kind of reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Bart calls Australia. At one point, a guy from the government is at the house and shows the family pictures from the Land Down Under, and one of them is a sign advertising the "Yahoo Serious Festival", to which Lisa replies, "I know all those words, but that sign makes no sense." In turn, I know what all of those illustrations are supposed to be, but it makes no sense. :P

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlex Getts

On the last cake... The first line looks like, "What if I'm not the nerd?"

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Why does the decoration on the last cake look like bacon to me?

I'm with 1st Anon, I definitely saw "nerd" too! :)

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Yep, I too thought it said "What if I'm not the nerd?" I am not seeing "hero".

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersoozenw

I did a Twilight cake for my daughter's birthday and when I looked at it I thought "oh dear god how craptastic" (black fondant...yeah...good times). But after seeing these I suddenly feel like I did a really good job.

Usually I just get giggles here but thanks for the ego boost, Jen.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

Why is the toilet paper angry!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterYota Armai

Agreed, it says nerd, not hero. Also, what's with the slabs of bacon on that last cake?

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBryna

I'm sorry, but I jsut HATE vampires. They are the whiney, lame-ass kings of the world.

I went to UC Santa Cruz, and the poor "I got picked on and beat up in high school" group in thier trenchcoats and top hats, or worse, capes, would play live-action role playing vampire games, wadering around the main street (PAcific) all hours trying to boost thier egos.

"I'm a vampire! I'm so cool! Please think I'm cool! Have a black rose! Vampires are so very depressed and black!"

Pretty much what Anne Rice was doing with her whole Vampire series.

I know I'm in the minortiy here, so bear with me.

Girls like vampires because they are un-threatening sexually (without blood, the "member" cannot function) yet scary and threatening (They can bite you and make you one of them! OoohhhhhHHHhhh!)

Lately, books and movies like "Twilight" have made the vampire even LAMER by turning them into teen hearthrobs. Sort of like David Cassidy with pointy teeth.

Read the original legends. In the beginning, vampires were stinking smelly walking corpses that could tear you apart. They weren't pretty.

They looked and smelled better in Dracula, but let's not forget that Vlad the impaler, well, impaled people. This involved jamming a long sharp pole up the butt and then sticking it in the ground so the live victim could slowly slide down.

How Romantic! What a birthday cake THAT would make!

Forget Vampires. Now werewolves, those guys are cool.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

LOVE that every single post in the comments has to do with bacon or "What if I'm not the nerd!" Great minds, or nerd mentality?

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlex

I was going to say that the last cake's line looked like it said, "What if I'm not the nerd?" but it seems that everyone else beat me to it. :}

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRacecar

I think the things on top of the last cake are supposed to look like the pictures on the front of the books. An apple, a chess piece and ...drum role...a red ribon. Too bad the ribon in icing looks so much like bacon!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Is that...bacon, on the last wreck?

These cakes are horrible!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMandy

I think the things on top of the last cake are supposed to look like the pix on the book covers. An apple, a chess piece and ....drum role...a red ribon. Too bad a ribon looks very much like bacon when done in icing!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I thought the last cake said "What if I'm not a nerd?"

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSadie Potts

Wow. I thought that said nerd, not hero. I also could have sworn they put bacon on that cake. I must get my eyes checked.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBangs

Yeah, I'm casting my vote for a nerdy bacon-loving wreckreator.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermaya


You mean twi-tards. We had a girl get put in the hospital in our local highschool because she discriminated against the book saying she didn't like it and another girl attacked her giving her a concussion.

Those are horrible cakes. I can't imagine how bad black icing would stain.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSydney

Shame on you, Jen!! I can't believe you missed that whole "What if I'm not the nerd? opportunity!!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMe Again

Yeah, I, too, definately saw "nerd" instead of "hero" in the last one.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It couldn't even be Forks, WA? Not even that much effort?

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought the last cake said "what if I'm not the nerd"

I recently made a Twilight themed cake for my niece. It didn't come out disastrous, aside from having a pic of whats-his-face on it. I was even able to get a pic of myself taking a butcher knife to "Edward's" face. =)

Obviously, I'm not a fan of the series......

Another side note - there is better quality black edible ink out there that doesn't look green.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercyn

Why does #6 have a picture of James Dean on it?

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

Twilight to me is pretty much fantasy material for prepubescent teen girls, but this cake honestly made me lol:

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkirakira

Just a word of warning, the black icing usually stains your lips and et al, BLUE...but not smurf blue. Cheers!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStella

What if I'm not the hero? Oh. I first thought it said what if I'm not the nerd.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHMCIV

I also saw "What if I'm not the nerd?"

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDavid B

"oozing bell peppers" had me laughing out loud!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSunshine Mom

As an honest-to-goodness Twilight Mom (registered and all), thank you for posting these. I'm still wiping tears of laughter away.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBeeOhVee

Why is the chick on the 3rd cake (the one for Isabella) about to make out with Rhett Butler?

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Nerd is the new Epcot.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I read "what if I'm not the nerd" too and my immediate thought was "Don't worry, you are!"

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStuffCooksWant

I'm not saying anything about nerds or bacon. But, ewwwww, drippy blood on a cake? Gack!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commentereilbeback

Well I did NOT know Forks was the name of the town (I think I pride myself on having the LEAST Twilight knowledge of anyone I know) but you're right. Knowing that does nothing to help explain that cake.

Glad I'm not the only one that saw crispy bacon on the last one!

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaurenH

Glad I am not the only one who saw nerd instead of hero. Also, why is there bacon on that last cake?

Also also, I don't really understand why you would airbrush an entire cake in the first place, rather than just dyeing the icing BEFORE you put it on. That would avoid the white scratch marks, and make all other nicks and imperfections harder to see, too. And just look better.

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBrandy

lovin' your seinfeld reference to "man hands"!!!

that is all. :-)

October 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTerry Lee

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>