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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Dec252009

Make Today Marry

Marry who, you ask?

Why, marry Christmas, of course!


And going by this next cake, I'm guessing "Christmas" is a small plush snowman:

Although that giant smear of icing does make you wonder what it *used* to say.

Here they got "Merry" right, but....

(Correction: I meant to say "however." So stop looking at me like that.)

Here's an interesting one:

"Alue"?

[blink blink]

Yeah, I got nuthin'.

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, then you know how important it is to get those writing and grammar skills ingrained at a young age.

Like so.

Now, it IS Christmas, so I'm afraid the big guy has to make an appearance:

And I am so, so sorry.

He does come bearing greetings, however.

Although if you misspell "Christmas," then he's going to go all stony faced.

Still, I can't think of a better harbinger of Christmas cheer than a really, really constipated Santa:

Dude. Nick, seriously, try a little coffee or something. I think you're about to put the "pop" in "apoplexy."

Well, happy Christmas, my dear Wreckies! Oh, and Krystle M., Michelle I., Jane K., Travis P., Sarah, Merideth S., Nils T., & Lisa H., also don't forget the importance of proper fiber intake. Just sayin'.

- Related Wreckage: In So Many Words

« Play 'Em Off, Drummer Boy | Main | Yule Wonder »

Reader Comments (81)

Oh, my! I can hardly believe the wreckage. Very, very funny!

Tanks for given me a Chistmas chuckle.

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCookieMonster

Why is Santa's head on top of a big, red chicken carcass? *shudder*

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKashmir

'alue' is Finnish for 'area', but that probably has nothing to do with it

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

#4 says Awe My Gosh Santas Here. Bad apelling and missing apostrophe. Awesome.

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

LOL I love the constipated Santa. So sad on the mispellings. Although, if you write fancy enough, you might get away with it :D

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeona

Funny, you have several optional explanations for ALUE. I immediately thought ALLIE, but that is probably because I have a niece with that name...

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterzekesmom10

I think "ALUE" is the second cake is supposed to be "ALLIE" (if the "L"'s are too close together) but I could be wrong.

Thanks Jen and John for all the wrecks and all the laughs! Merry Christmas, everyone!

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDiane1611

"Awe my gosh" probably started out as "owe my gosh", which would be a cute pun on the spending that happens in the name of Santa.

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter360_gandering

Merry Christmas! The constipated one made me laugh :)

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBonnie the Beautiful

Santa is apparently a giant red turd. LOL

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

"A Merry Messy Christmas." `Christmas' as an H in it, Mr Baldrick.

Baldrick: Oh....

Ebenezer: ....and an R. Also an I, and an S. Also T and M and A ....and another S. Oh, and you've missed out the C at the beginning. Congratulations, Mr Baldrick! Something of a triumph, I think -- you must be the first person ever to spell `Christmas' without getting any of the letters right at all.

-Blackadder Christmas Carol.

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterZhoen

Merry Christmas! My husband got me a Cake Wrecks shirt for Christmas, so now I'm an Official Wreckporter :)

Have a great day everyone!

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

re: the final picture of the day - are we certain that it is not meant to be Marty Feldman dressed as Santa? Igor (that's pronounced eye-gore) says Merry Christmas...

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertanglegirl

Hurray. I received not one, but two Cake Wrecks books for Christmas. LOL!

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaaren

Merry Christmas Jen & John you brighten my day every day of the year. May cake decorators everywhere continue to be blind and illiterate.

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

That Santa looks exactly like some of the turkey wrecks we saw a month ago! Only red, and with a face at the top. Which really doesn't help.

After a season working at the mall where it was forbidden, despite the fact that neither I nor anyone else have even heard of someone being offended by it: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

The "shrunken head" Santa is just heading off to give presents to Beetlejuice and all his little friends...

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNoni Mausa

I'm a little worried about the digestive track of whoever has to eat "constipated Santa."

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFanboy Wife

It's a shame I didn't see this parade of wreckage before Christmas Dinner; that first Santa cake would've helped me resist the calories!!

That said, a sincere and heartfelt 'Marry Christamus' to the CakeWrecks team and its readers.

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Out on a limb here, but is alue actually alleluia / hallelujah? in a kind of weird mixed up way?

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That last one is beautiful. In a Cake Wreck kind of way, I mean. Merry Christmas and happy winter to all.

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Yeah, I think that the cake with "alue" is really supposed to be "Allie", like somebody before me already said. Or maybe I just saw it that way because that's my name. XD Anyway, loved the post! Thanks for keeping us laughing, and merry Christmas! :)

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAllybally

ALLUE is supposed to be AWE. As in AWE MY GOSH. Which is really supposed to be, "Oh my gosh!" At least, that's what my family decided!

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSuzy

To add to my other comment, I think it's supposed to be "OWE my gosh." But, yeah. Still way off!

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSuzy

Wow the last one was very creepy!!
Thanks for all the laughs and the charity thing was a hit here at our home. Insead of giving to many we decided to give to St. Jude and give monthly too!! Great idea!

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNona

Christanus!!!! I can't breathe!

Well, I'm off to do actual cooking, the usual effect of which is depicted in the final photo. (I'm more of a take-out kinda gal, but people expect kitchen stuff this time of year.) You guys have a wonderful day, and thanks for another awesome year!

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterstudiorose

Stony-faced Santa might also be dirty from all those chimneys. What, is he supposed to bring a billion moist towlettes with him?

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterfaunablues

these are all laugh-out-loud hilarious! especially the pin-head red turd santa!!

thanks for all the wreckage and laughs, jen and john.

hope y'all have a very merry christmas!

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTerry Lee

A marry christanius to you all!!!

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

One of my fave posts so far!

What exactly are Christamus and Chistmas? Are these new holidays? And Xmast? Is that a part of a ship? I feel quite stupid.

But the constipated santa takes the cake *ba dum bum CH*

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterandygirl

Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas Season.

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDiedra

Took me a bit to realize that "alue" is actually "awe". Which still doesn't make sense. "Awe my gosh"? I personally thin it was meant to be "Oh my gosh", but was done by someone with a strong southern accent. Merry Christmas Y'all!

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJuno

Now, the ALUE cake - correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm reading:

"HO HO HO - Alue My Gosh Santas Here"

OR

"HO HO HO - Gosh Alue My Santas Here"

Um......???

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

Jen - I admire and am inspired by your dedication! Posting on Chistmus! Excellent.

"really, really constipated Santa" had me guffawing.

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEtiquette Bitch

Always a high point of my day! Thanks for all the humor you bring to all your wreckie fans.

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterValerie

My dad got your book for a Christmas present and we've been laughing over the wreckage all day! Merry Christmas

The Doyles from South Dakota

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMorgan

Okay, my best guess on #4 is "AWE my gosh," which is still horrifically wrong.

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKate

I think Santa ate too many cookies...

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEmma C.

Thanks for taking the time to give us a Christmas Day laugh! Alue my gosh, what a Merry Christanus we're all having! :)

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura47

ALUE --> AWE

This makes it "Awe my Gosh" as in a sadly misspelled "Oh my Gosh."

I stand in awe of the baker's spelling skills. As in, "aww what a shame."

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterIris

I think alue = AWE, with a really blocky W. And it should have been Oh.

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That is how my 8-yr old son spells merry, too. However, he IS 8, and not a professional baker, soooo....
Marry Christamus to me, I got the Cake Wrecks book from Santa! (Hopefully not a constipated Santa, tho.)

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

I THINK that what appears to be 'ALUE' is actually 'AWE', although it should (in that case) be 'aw' or 'aaw' or 'awww' or...

And a comma should follow 'aw'. I may just be out of my mind, and seeing things.

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That snowman looks so cute, I'd only hope it was not edible because I'd feel so guilty eating it.

And hahaha, that one Santa (I think it was the first Santa cake) reminds me of that bad guy in the Buffy episode "Bad Girls" with the tiny head and the grossly obese main body.

No offense meant to the overweight around here.

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My favorite "Chistmas" present this year, my Cake Wrecks book! Thanks for the laughs this holiday! My whole family was cracking up while looking at some of the wrecks!

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHollie

After the crazy two days I've had. Furnace decided to go out, and my son decided to not like anything he received, and my daughter crying all day...I REALLY needed that laugh. Merry Christmas!

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJen@Scrapingirl

Finally read all the old blogs. Yay! Merry Christmas and let the wreckage live on well into the new year! Great blog! ;-)

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertsherlin

Went to high school with a girl named Christmas Carol.....suppose they are talking about her?

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFor the Love of French

Santa brought me the Cake Wrecks book and I can only read a little bit at a time. I'm 7 months pregnant and it just hurts to laugh that much!

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercath

LOL...thanks for the Christmas laughs. That constipated Santa had me just about falling out of my chair!

December 25, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterthecatsmeow

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