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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Dec242010

We Wish You A...What Now?

I don't know why, but for some reason I'm just not sure what these bakers are trying to tell us...

Let's see. Santa is face down in a heap.

So...Merry Christmas?

Maybe it's better if we flip him over.


Nope.

And now, a seasonal tongue-twister:


Sam the snowman shot a sheet of snowy sleet!

Aaaand, repeat. (Three times fast, if you please.)

When it comes to wrecking cakes, this baker hits just above the belt:


Now, since there's obviously a space there for an inscription, I've been trying to come up with something appropriate.

Ho Ho...no.

And to all a good...no.

Jingle...no.

Er, yeah, I'll just have to get back to you.

Actually, this kinda works if you're Irish. Go on: say it out loud. In your best Colin Farrell voice. With a sexy wink. Oh yeeeeeah. This working for anyone else? Just me? Hey, I'm ok with that.

At least we can all agree that nothing conveys holiday cheer quite like an icing dog with Santa's head on his butt:

"Woof woof, b*tches."

And now, Rudolph of the red nose himself would like to wish you all the merriest of Christmases:

Rudolph?

RUDOLPH?!?

WHYEEE????


Uh, well, since Rudolph is...hung up... at the moment, let's just end with this:

Althoug I reall do'n se wha th proble i.

Thanks to A. L., Brannon M., Rob R., Mouse, Suzie T., Katelyn C., Kelly, & Kristin. May you all marry Christmas. Or have a Mary Christmas. Or, um, GOOD DAY.

------------------------------------------------

CCC Day #12

Free Wheelchair Mission is an international nonprofit dedicated to providing wheelchairs for the impoverished disabled in developing nations. It takes less than $60 to provide someone in need with a means of mobility.

Click here to donate your dollar.

(And thanks for sticking through our twelve days of giving, guys! You rock!)

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Reader Comments (49)

Merry Christma, and thanks for another year of wreckitude!

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdotre

Y'all was also spelled wrong on that last one...

Thanks for all the Mery Chrimas Wrecks!

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterOlivia

That snowman cake is actually pretty well done, other than the fact that it looks like he's shooting out a stream of snowman s--poo. The first one looks like Santa on the morning of December 25, after stumbling out of the sleigh (maybe someone left him some peppermint schnapps instead of milk?)

wv: comine--Wreckerators and cakes comine to make some funny and confounding and downright scary stuff.

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

AAAAHHHHHH!!!! IT'S Y'ALL!!!!

Drives me nuts.

Poor Rudolph.

Oh - and Merry Christma! :)

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Mac

Rudolph on a wall??? WHYYY

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I thought that was Santa in bed until I saw the Woof Woof. Are you SERIOUS wreckerators????

Trophy deer. Well at least they got away...minus the antlers...just before Christmas.

Thanks for the gift that keeps on giving, Jen and John.

Merry Christmas!

Sharon's Edible Art

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

The frosting dog with Santa's head? Wow. Just wow.

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStuckinmypedals

A vary Mary Crismus to everyone at Cake Wrecks.

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

Clearly the best inscription for the cookie cake would be, "Like a bowl full of jelly!"

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarcella

OH. MY. GOSH. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I saw that cake wreck of Santa facedown but I couldn't take a picture because my mom didn't have her cell phone with her! (I'm a kid, okay? I don't HAVE a cell phone. even though I'm ten):`( That's supposed to be tear.

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Happy Christmas!

I have been waiting ages for your post today(being a brand-newbie this week, I have read all the back-posts and been awaiting the new one eagerly!AND its 3pm here in England!)
Absolutely brilliant Blog!
Have a wonderful Christmas everyone.

wv "heally" - "Heally Xmas" - wreckerator abbreviation for "Really Happy" Christmas...

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHannah from England

I absolutely loved the last one. I'm going to be annoying today and greet everyone with that even though I live in the Great White North. Cheers and a Merry Christmas Y'all!

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStella

Maybe that's Santa after his Christmas run, flopped face-down in sheer exhaustion from the shopping/wrapping/delivery/cooking/cleaning/hosting of the holiday? No?

I hope young children are kept away from those cakes-- Dead Santa would just leave them traumatized. Heck, I'm an adult and it horrifies me!

Frosty... "I'm meltinggggg!". I'd think Calvin and Hobbes, but that great tongue-twister's distracting me :)

Those penguins were cute! Too bad the decorator can't spell.

Santa in a sleigh makes sense. Santa doing WHAT to a dog?! ugh. So, so wrong.

Hunting trophy at this time of year? Come on, that's horrible. At least they had the decency to NOT include a red nose along with the antlers!

May all who are celebrating Christmas have a very merry and meaningful holiday. To those of us who are of other faiths (or no faith at all), may you have a lovely day!

PS Is it just me, or would the perfect "Christmas" cake for a Jewish household be cupcakes or two-bite cakes shaped to look like dim sum? With a movie-themed chaser? (My WV is "oveit"... as in a modified "oy vey"!)

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

LOL... I passed by a sign the other day that said "Mary Christmas." (Head shakes.)

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterwinsomebulldog

Any body else see a mutant snowman/slug creature on Cake #3? Or is it just me? And who is the scrooge that stuck out their foot to trip Santa in the first cake? What did Santa do to deserve being tripped? Come to think of it, what did he do to deserve having his head stuck on the butt of an icing dog...?

Marry Christmas and Happy Holldays John, Jen, the CW team, and fellow Wreckies! Thanks for all the laughs!

wv: comonmon. I certainly hope these wrecks aren't terribly comonmon.

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterhjaxon1701

The penguins are adorable!! I love penguins!! They must be rescued from the wreck and given a proper inscription before they end up like poor Rudolph...

I have a good friend that considers all holidays to be drinking holidays, so the first cake with the drunken passed-out Santa would be quite appropriate for her.

And a Mary Krismus to all!

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeftWingLock

Very very lovely cakes...
Just bookmark it,
Merry Christmas 2010
'wish the best for you & all of us'
thanks...

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertutorial blogger

Laughing now! Thanks!

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAbi

That's not a "sleeting" snowman. That's a snow lamia!

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

Merry Christmas, ya'll!
(y'all = you all, ya'll = yah will?)

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

If Santa is on his back in #2, then his head is on upside-down.

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMorgi

Isn't that a snowghost?? It looks like a snowman combined with one of Caspar's nasty little companions....

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterA Paperback Writer

Marrie Krismus, Jen, John, #1 and all of my fellow Cake Wreck Addicts!

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKay

Except for the snowman poo, the cake is actually pretty nice. The penguins on the cookie cake are nicely drawn too.

The first one---maybe the wreckorator had "Santa Got a DWI" stuck in their head when making it? YouTube the title if you haven't heard it---it's a cool song.

Marry Christnos!

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBree

"Season's Greatings" on the penguin cake. What are greatings? Hahaha.

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNick

Santa obviously had too much 'nog?

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermissoularedhead

Jen, I *love* your job (that you get to be a blogger, AND how well you do it!)!

Mary Christma, Happy "New Year's", and Sesons Greatings to you and John!

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterQueen Julian XIII

Thanks for a good chuckle today. I got the giggles with that icing dog. And I really like Jabba the Snowman. Or is it Frosty the Hutt? I can't decide.

Merry Christmas guys!

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca U.

Why are there crows on the cookie cake?

Really it SHOULD be Mer Chri'ma Y'all.

Some people just don't understand hillbilly English. Geesh!

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDeb

In regards to the Santa cakes, you wrote as an introduction to the second version, "Maybe it's better if we flip him over".

I think you will find that the second cake also showed Santa on his tummy. The difference being that number two has Father Christmas' head facing up.

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCake Cop

merry christmas

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersharon2you

I thought the first one was a football until you said something. It was just "road kill santa."

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarie

LOL!!!

I'm laughing quite well, must have been a little too much cranberry 'tea' tonight.

I honestly thought the three penguins were from the Madagascar crew, which means saying the inscription as written is PERFECTLY correct!! (love me some penguins - even the one with a loud squeek)

Especially the one with the loud squeek.

~~Di
Thanks for a fabulous season of wrecks.

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermladybright

Poor Santa :( I know what the wreckerators are going to find under thier tree this year.

Underneat that Merry Christmas

;)

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShinyGreenApple

Didn't we see that same penguin cookie cake last year, but with "Seasoning's Greetings" on it? They just can't get it right, can they?!

Meary Chrismas, Hapy Hollidays, and Countralugations, everyone!

December 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterannie

Oops! Looks like Rudolph went to Alaska and crossed paths with the former governor. You'll see it all go down next Sunday on TLC.

The penguins on the Season's Greatings cake are adorable! My screen name means "little penguin."

December 25, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Nooooooooooooooooooo they killed Santa and Frosty has the runs!! Lol they need to be stopped immediately. That or they really need to not get paid for these things. Wreckerator managers really must be stopped..someday.

December 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

@Classic Steve, was that a 'Lamb Lies Down on Broadway' reference in your take on the snowman in a tornado? Way to go!

#1 Yes, I'd like the 'SANTA SIN SINGLE LAYER CHOCOLATE ROUND CAKE CUPCAKE COM', and I'd like it as far in advance of Christmas as possible, please.

#3 Looks like what might have been in store for viewers if 'Dune' had been produced by Rankin/Bass. "Walk without rhythm and you won't attract the snowworm."

#4 Next, I'd like the 1/4 MESSAGE COOKIE. Quarter message? I don't see any message.

#5 'Season's Greatings' from all of us at Three Penguins on a Chamois! Must be some kind of polar-themed car wash, which makes perfect sense as long as you don't think about it. (Don't point out their duck feet -- they're sensitive about that.)

#6 Without the 'woof woof', it does look like Santa in bed. With the sound effects, it looks like Santa in bed saying 'woof woof'. Forgetting that concept is my first resolution for 2011. Never mind -- I'll start now. [*headdesk*]

#7 Again with the bulbs. "D'ye know how long I had to stalk that deer, waitin' for them antlers to fall off? It weren't easy, I'll tell ye."

#8 "'Merry Christmis, ya'll,' and to all a gud knight."

December 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Ah now, if yer going fer a Colin Farrell sound-a-loike, ye'd haf te have "Sayson's Greatings".

(I'm Irish so I can get away with sayin' it)

Marry Christma and thank you for the wonderful year of wreckiness!

December 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKP

I made my poor daughter Maggie the UGLIEST cake ever for her 5th birthday, and posted it on my facebook page. Because it was so ugly, I was proud.

Today on my blog stats, there was a referral from you.

Turns it, it was from a BlogHer ad. But I tell you what, when i saw CakeWrecks on my stats - I thought someone had turned me in and my heart sunk to my toes!!!

Merry Christmas!!

December 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMissy @ It's Almost Naptime

Was anyone else looking for Rudolph's nose on the antler cake? Now I'm beginning to think maybe that red lightbulb isn't really a lightbulb at all...

December 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlma

The snowman cake has pointed out to me how much less charming Frosty would be if instead of walking on legs, he dragged his big round body around the streets of town like any other snowman might do. And that would explain the reason Christmas now seems to kick off right at Halloween.

December 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Season's Greatings! I think that's the first time I saw "y'all" misspelled.

hope y'all had a happy, or a hoppy holiday, as it may

December 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"Sam the snowman shot a sheet of snowy sleet!"

sufferin' succotash- that was funny!!!

-Barbara Anne

December 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It is Y'all!! But wouldn't only a southerner know that? lol

December 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterredgoddess

omg you used the pic i sent in a year ago!!! I'M SO HAPPY

December 29, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermouse

Just donated to the 12th charity! Can't say I left much at each since I'm not working right now, but I love that you do this. It made me happy to be a part of a meaningful donation to each place when I couldn't give enough to any one by myself. Thank you so much for doing this!!!!!

December 30, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterrainbowmonkey

I'm catching up after the holiday rush... Awesome, you gave a shout out to Free Wheelchair Mission! I'm attempting to run 1000 miles in 2011 this year as a fundraiser for them.

Of course, being a giant Pratchett geek, I 'm tying it in to Discworld and pointing out that it's the distance between Ankh-Morpork and Lancre. My name is linked to what is quite possibly the first footnote-laden charity pledge page to make a reference to the Sam Vimes "Boots" Theory of Economic Injustice in history.

January 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStacie

I tried doing the "Sam the Snowman" bit three times fast. By the second time, my mouth had given up so badly that I made it sound like Jason Vorhees was attacking. "Chee chee chee chee..."

December 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDylan R.

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