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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Dec302009

American Super (Sized) Heroes

Americans, by and large, are fat. I'm an American, and I'm fat. Together with 64% of my fellow citizens, we're taking over the country, one chocolate-covered bacon maple donut bar at a time. Rather than get all down and out about it, though, I like the bakeries' approach: simply upsize all of our childhood icons to fit the times!

Whoah. Uh, Spidey, listen: I'm all for embracing your body image, but at some point spandex stops being your friend.

"Something seemed fishy about Nemo's new 'power diet.' And where was Bloat the puffer fish, anyway?"

I suppose Cookie Monster has the best excuse for being a bit blobbish:

Still, I'm guessing this was taken during his "Robert Downey Jr of Cookies" years.

Hey, Mickey!

[singing] "Oh, Mickey, what a pity
You don't understand
You're blocking up your heart
when you eat up all that ham!"


And lastly, here's one for us plus-sized princesses:

"Tink noticed it was taking a lot more pixie dust than usual to get off the ground these days. Peter, wisely, said nothing."

Remember, Melissa W., Jen S., Dawn G., Amanda L., & Cindy S., there's an upside to everything: fat people are much harder to kidnap.

- Related Wreckage: Does This Cake Make Me Look Fat?

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Reader Comments (92)

I loved Cookie Monster on The Colbert Report; I could watch that clip again and again. This cake... not so much.

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

If the Cookie Monster CCC (patooie!) was a real cake and not as messy-looking, it would be pretty cool. That's a pretty clever idea.

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor@MyOlderBrothers

Fat people are harder to kidnap!! Yes! I say this all the time. You never hear "The victim was grabbed off the street, please be on the lookout she is 5'2" and 230lbs."

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLuciaB

Bwahahaha! Fat people are much harder to kidnap! There's a reason for everything, I know that now. :D

wv: Assessess: excess in assessment in motion (See public schools).

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Well, I for one think the Princess looks like she has the mumps!!!!

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Wow - poor Nemo looks like he was run over by a Mack truck.

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRita/Fighting Off Frumpy

Oops, before reading the caption I thought Nemo was Garfield, run over by a car.

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterOphelia

"Peter, wisely, said nothing"
Best line ever!!!

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

If this is a new line in Disney, you may be on to something, here in America.

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

favorite line: "peter, wisely said nothing."

it takes some men longer than others to wise up. i've found a good crack over the head with a rolling pin or iron skillet usually does the trick. heh heh

btw, robert downey jr. is lookin' mighty fine in sherlock holmes. me love some of that! ;-)

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTerry Lee

Spiderman modelled after this halloweening fella:

http://randomfunnypicture.com/tag/spiderman/

Pretty dead-on when you look at it that way, eh?

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Thanks a lot...NOW I've got that stupid Mickey song rolling around in my head teh rest of the day...
"..Hey, Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind-HEY MICKEY!..."

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Is it just me or does cookie monster look like he might be losing previoulsy chewed cookies? Ate a few too fast maybe?

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I just realized how much less appealing Spiderman is when he's...er, not looking so svelte. Like how it would be if Chris Farley had been cast in the role.

"Fat guy in a little...spandex costume!"

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJiminycricket

Yay!! My first ever wreck submission has made the cut :) Thanks for the laughs!!!

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCindy S.

The blobbiness of Cookie Monster aside, I am not digging the idea of a cake with half-chewed cookies in its mouth. Or maybe this is a cake with motion features, and we're seeing just a split-second image? In that case, cool! Carry on, then.

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think this is fast becoming my favorite thread! Just TRY and kidnap MY big butt. Muahahaha!

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterredtailboalover2002

That's Tinkerbell? I thought it was Barbara Eden from I DREAM OF JEANNIE.

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

As an American, part of me is horrified to think that one day Disney really will upsize characters to fit the look of its U.S. audience. The other part of me is saying, "Ohh, yummy bacon maple donut!"

wv: Dizinec-- "Disney" pronounced with a mouthful of bacon maple donut. Huh.

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJimmy

"peter, wisely, said nothing"- brilliant

wv: decterw: the spidey sense of detecting a wrekie once one walks into the grocery store

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Lovables

I kind of like the Cookie Monster! I can see where the creativity stemmed from... I say best of the worst!

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNads' Bakery

Jen, that was just cruel. Now "Hey Mickey" is going to be stuck in my head all day. What heartless thing to do to your devoted fans! :p

(Not that it's going to stop me from coming back tomorrow, but id that song is still running through my head then, I might make another complaint comment! :) )

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLynette

Oh Mickey reference! Brilliant! LMFAO! Keep up the great work!

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDippy's Mom

I'm somewhat grateful that they used the far superior Cookie Monster as opposed to his veggie cop-out, but maybe I'm being too optimistic by trying to convince myself that every wreck has its silver lin- er, icing.

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ok Jen -
We met you at the book signing in Seattle.
YOU ARE NOT FAT.
Really you aren't. You may be larger than an anorexic Barbie Doll but compared to the vast majority of people out there you aren't fat.

Tink on the other hand should look into weight watchers. Or maybe we could do Fictional Character Biggest Loser...it would be a ratings smash

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTrista

Really, the Spiderman cake would be pretty awesome if the head didn't qualify for its own zip code!

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSam Gamgee

"Tink noticed it was taking a lot more pixie dust than usual to get off the ground these days. Peter, wisely, said nothing."

LMAO

and what an evil link you posted to the "fat" page. what weird food!

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm with Trista- I saw you at the NY book signing and you are NOT fat! Have better self esteem- you should be so proud of yourself for all that you've done with this site :)

Love the rest of this post though!

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSara

Bwahahahaa...

I've always said that I'm not fat, I'm "famine-resistant" but now I know I'm "kidnap-resistant" too. Booyeah! LuciaB FTW +100.

Also, how sad is it that chipmunk-cheeked Tinkerbell there is actually one of the best CCCs I've seen?

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

I don't understand why people keep trying to make "face or body" shapes with cupcakes.... In Mexico "cup cakes" are very popular but they are usually a square of cupcakes with frosting on top and then designs in the frosting... It looks so much better... (Not my favorite still, but better) I will send you some pics of what I am talking about!

I felt sorry for Nemo and Mickey!

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCoffee Lovers

I 2nd Trista's idea of a fictional characters "Biggest Losers!" That mouse from Cinderella could be on it, the dwarfs (I thought it was dwarves...hmmm) from Snow White; Shrek...

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRyan, Corrie, and Max

Ophelia, I had the same thought--"what happened to Garfield?" then read that it was supposed to be Nemo. Yikes.

For those of you who want to get the "Mickey" song out of your head, you can try the equally catchy parody "Ricky" by Weird Al Yankovic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9KRr_54Wg0

Uh, you may not thank me . . . but I prefer it to the original.

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

From what I've heard Cookie Monster has been renamed "Veggie Monster" on the show...this cake is probably why.

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Two great lines, Jen!

"Fat people are harder to kidnap" and "Peter, wisely, said nothing"

Love it!!

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

Aside from making tink look a little poofy, I have to admit that I think the Wreckerator did an overall good job decorating Tink!

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

My 2yo is an avid Mickey Mouse fan. He can spot him or his memorable shape a mile away. That is how I know just wreck-y that cake is:
Me: Hey, who's this?
2yo: Uhh, bear?

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

I'm new here, so forgive me if you guys have already seen this.. But this game has that last cake written all over it

Fat Princess: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73L4T7QVprI

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

You are not fat.

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

the last CW looks like an awful rendition of Jeannie from "I Dream of Jeannie." Ugh!

Happy New Year, Jen + John! Thanks for my daily giggle.

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEtiquette Bitch

You are NOT fat!

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBowserRanch

From now on, I'm going to be singing your version of the Hey, Mickey song ;).

Trista--I would TOTALLY watch a fictional character biggest loser! I hear Gaston has really let himself go since Belle dumped him.

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca Knight

Thanks for ruining yet another formerly amusing blog by jumping on the fat hate bandwagon.

Would it still be funny if you were poking fun at black people?

Not that I expect this to be posted... jokes about how disgusting people are are fine, comments about being hurt by that just can't possibly be allowed.

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterErin

My friend was just saying last night that Tinker Bell is oddly proportioned, but this brings it to a whole new level!

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWomanUncensored

Jeez, I wonder what would happen to Winnie the Pooh under these cake-making guidelines?

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wow. A real daring post. I guess that everyone will forget to be insulted at this very true statistic (or make insults) just becuase the post is so funny; *serious* Laugh Out Loud material. :) Thanks!

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Erin,

Why are black people the go-to example when it comes to being offended? People keep citing examples of blacks and Ebonics. *sigh*

And who said fat people are "disgusting?" Jen and I are both a bit chubby and I think she's a sexy beast.

I think your reading something into this post that's not really there.

john

ps. You put your name and don't swear, it get's published.

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjohn (the hubby of Jen)

Fine, would it still be funny if you were making fun of people for (insert whatever trait you like)?

And you don't need to explicitly say something for the attitude to come through loud and strong... fat people are to be ridiculed, because hey it's all our fault anyway.

I just don't get why it is ok to make fun of me (well, a group I am a part of) for my physical appearance, but it's mean and wrong to make fun of someone else for their appearance.

As to why I am "oversensitive" -- go read the internet. You can't go a single day without being slapped in the face with the idea that being fat is at best a cause for ridicule, and at worst a moral failing deserving of being cast into eternal damnation for.

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterErin

I now have the Mickey song in my head. Only your version makes it worse. I now will never again be able to eat ham. XD

That link actually makes me feel better about my own diet choices. But then, my cousins eat stuff like that all the time and they're all naturally skinny. I took after the wrong side of the family.

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCara

The cookie monster CCC is awesome!!

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterL'Hélène

Erin,

Perhaps it would be good for you to go back and read the post from beginning to end.

I think you missed the part where Jen included herself in the "fat" majority - and also the fact that she said nothing derogatory whatsoever about that majority. Don't let your past experiences color what you're reading, because frankly, you're seeing an attitude or prejudice that simply isn't there.

I'm sorry you didn't like the post.

john

December 30, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjohn (the hubby of Jen)

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