My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Botched Balloons

When it comes to cake decorating, you can't get any more basic than the balloon. One roundish blob of icing, a string, and voila! You're done! This staple of icing decor is so simple that even the most inexperienced of decorators couldn't possibly Wreck it up.


BWAHAHAHAH! Hah, did you see what I did there? How I managed to keep a straight face? Hoo boy! [wiping eyes] Heehee!

Ok, seriously, let's count down the ways in which Wreckerators have managed to destroy the seemingly simple balloon, shall we?

1) Gravity Need Not Apply

I suppose you could say the writing is what's upside down, but even then those balloons look more like wrinkly piles of fresh paint than anything else. Yech.

2) Floaters, or Swimmers?

I see this problem a lot, and I don't think it's just 'cuz I have that V-day post on the brain.

It doesn't help when the "balloons" are swimming in a circle, either:

This balloon placement makes perfect sense...during tornado season.

3) Too Small

This is no doubt a commentary on the vast, off-centered, blankness of life.

4) Too big.

These behemoths are coming in for the kill with their teensy dagger strings.

5) Swirly Suckers

Multicolored swirls look, at best, like lollipops. At worst, we're facing the Teletubby poo debacle all over again.

6) "You may use any icing color in the kitchen. EXCEPT THIS ONE."

Ooh, could those be a gaggle of failing organs*, or perhaps hacky sacks made from old pantyhose? Here's hoping!!

Janice L., Nezuko, Troy K., Helen D., Jessica G., & Bex, thanks for taking us up, up and away.

* Geese, organs - they're practically interchangeable, right?

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Reader Comments (86)

On #1, the balloons on the right are clearly "lead balloons". ;)

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBeez

Hacky sacks from old pantyhose....

Comment WIN!

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPink

OMG! I have got to stop reading this blog at work while eating my lunch--I almost needed a Heimlich from trying not to laugh out loud. #2 is definitely sperm, take it from someone who looks at them under a microscope for a living. And the last one--definitely testicles. What a disgusting color for a cake!

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

lol! i'm loving those tiny balloons

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Yaya

The tiny balloons are hilarious.

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnita

Mmmmboy! These certainly look someone who loves V-Day cakes and "Prairie Oysters". (That's what the last cake looks like.)

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne Dargie

nice blog, what about link exchange with my one?
let me know via comments or mail...

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLae

Balloons you say? I thought they were sperms. Seriously!

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterOnyx

Are balloons really that confusing of a concept to grasp?

~Amy B.

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

My favorite of the bunch has to be the tiny balloons in the center of an otherwise plain white cake. Heh's funny!

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDangGina

Some of those balloons look like sperm!!!! ICK How hilarious!!!!

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMare

I'd swear that #4 is a Costco cake because that's exactly what my DS's cake looked like, & it was from Costco. And yes, the balloons are HUGE!

What cracked me up was, one kid at his party wanted one of those balloons & got mad that he didn't! Ewwwwww.

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBree

This is one of my favorite all-time posts (ok, maybe around my #4 pick). I laughed out loud at my desk. Who knew balloons could go so wrong?

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercindyhoo2

I love how "Chris" has balloons on his 28th birthday cake.

I bet he loved it too. Happy Grownup Day Chris! Now blow out your candles and finish your jelly and ice cream!

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

HAHA! I love it!

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKZ

I love, love, LOVE your blog. It make me laugh out loud, every day. Thanks!!

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Your post reminded me of this Don Hertzfeldt cartoon- Billy's Balloon-

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

"Too small"


*reads caption under pic"

haha ha ha ("self aware, stiffened laugh")

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVib

The tiny ones are kind of cool and give the impression of quiet solitude. (Said with a reasonably straight face.)

The last ones ... um ... Spauldings? No, I'll pass on that lump of icing, please. (It takes something seriously weird to make me want to pass on icing.)

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterScritzy

I am reading this at work and seriously had to stifle my laughter at the tiny balloons!! I seriously love that cake.

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLara

Afterseeing some of those living dead wedding cakes the other day, where are the wedding cakes with balloons. Just because there might be a comment or two made about wedding night activities that shouldn't stop anyone in the name of good taste, right?

(recovering from a moment of sarcasm here)

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

Your comments on the cakes are funnier than the cakes themselves!

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShylah

My sixteenth birthday cake (purchased by my mother without my input except regarding flavor) had sperm-balloons on it. Even worse, they were pink, blue, and purple. When I discovered this I had to exert every ounce of restraint I had to avoid cracking up in front of my mother, but once she left, ended up pointing it out discreetly to all my female friends - and much giggling ensued.

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnita Chainsaw

The color on that last cake...oh my what were they thinking. I don't even know how to describe

Julie from" REL="nofollow">

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMistyGirl_2008

Oh sweet Jesus! The flesh-colored ballons are disgusting. They frightened me! Mommy, I'm scared!

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The tiny balloons made me shoot milk out my nose. I laughed until I couldn't breathe!

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMalibu Niki

Those are the most pitiful looking balloons I've ever seen... thank Goodness that brand new 5 yr old didn't know that those were sperm and not balloons on his cake.

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSunshine

have you ever been to the pioneer woman's blog? those blobby things on the last cake bear an enormous resemblance to the testicles that she hangs on her pesky brother-in-law's hat.

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdykewife

Oh man, I should have sent in my picture of balloon spermies that I recently took! LOL

April 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMary Anne Whiteley

So heinous but so funny!!

April 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

The "too small" one got me. So funny, those tiny tiny balloons in a sea of white. What was the decorator thinking?

April 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHolly

The first cake has a beautifully realistic depiction of air-filled baloons left over from someone else's party. Poor Seth's birthday must be right after that of a younger sibling. I feel for him.

April 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeagen

that's jacked up. i mean, seriously, who would be so stupid as to put upside-down, positively MINISCULE, or swimming balloons on a cake?

April 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCheesy Ninja

Looks like they are playing a game of "Musical Ovaries". When the musci stops, someone better jump in!

April 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShellee

You should never use balloons on cakes. Balloons are evil.

April 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDrolgerg

So...I'm sorry to report that the ginormous balloons are actually a company standard of the good folks at Costco...You'll be hard-pressed to find any balloons that aren't family-value sized there....I guess it makes sense...

May 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

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