My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Return of the Belly Cake

So tell me, how long's it been since you stared at a pregnant woman's naked belly?

Wow, that long? Well, have no fear! As long as belly cakes are made, I promise to never let you forget what a pregnant woman's torso looks like. Or at least a fondant-covered version of one, anyway. Consider it my personal Cake Wrecks guarantee to you.

You're welcome.

Now, you would be forgiven for seeing a bald Ziggy doll in a bib here at first. (I know I sure did.) After all, I don't think I've ever featured a belly cake with the oh-so-authentic "belly line" before.

Speaking of which: When I first saw this cake I had no idea what that line was or why it was there, since I've never been pregnant. So I mentioned it to a then-pregnant friend. My friend was quite helpful and, despite my protests, insisted on whipping up her dress to show me the line on her own belly. Which was...unexpected. Kelly R., I have you to thank for that bit of enlightenment. So thanks. Really.

I used to think that part of the belly cake's creepiness was due to its having no head. Then Melody W. sent this in:

And I totally changed my mind.

By the way, I've never seen a belly button look quite so much like a...well... belly button before. It totally looks like a tufted pillow. Or maybe the end of a giant hot dog. [head tilt] Ok, yeah: let's stick with "pillow."

You know what these belly cakes are missing, though? No, no, besides that. Sex appeal, that's what. Totally. Tune in tomorrow for a few spicy numbers that you are sure to remember far, far into the future. Like, deathbed future, even. (I'm trying to ramp up your sense of anticipation. Is it working?)

« Belly Cakes, Continued | Main | Sunday Sweets: Game On! »

Reader Comments (115)

Well it was just this morning that I stared at a pregnant woman's belly--mine--and I can assure you it doesn't look anything like those! lol Mine has many more stretch marks but still looks better than those cakes. Ewww....

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterflip flop mama

@Deckardcanine: trust me, being pregnant doesn't keep guys from hitting on a woman. (Some guys see it as evidence of how far a woman will go.)

I am not sure which is worse: that wretched underwear on the first one (those panties are very "Rock of Love), or the bizarro belly-button on the second.

Whew! Wrecktastic!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAyanna

Do we have to have them in such detail? Gag. Gross.
The second one looks like she forgot to wash under her belly button for several weeks..ewwwww!!!

~Amy B

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Well, since the last time I saw a pregnant belly was this morning, these cakes aren't so much memory joggers. What they do for me though, is inspire the intense fear that I will be surprised by such an unfortunate piece of baked confection at my own baby shower. Here's hoping they go with a ducky or rattle...

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

Gyaaaaaaaaa........scary! **Blnk Blink**
I knew I shouldn't have clicked on the post!!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJumpyham

Gross! where are the stretch marks and hair b/c pregnant ladies aren't usually (not me of course) that easily thorough with shaving...

I hope they didn't stuff a baby "suprise" in the tummy of that cake...

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Lovables

I can't help thinking about how much the 2nd preggie cake has no arms. And how her boobs are a little square. It's a very unfitting design. It seems as though the decorator didn't know exactly what a human body looked like.

I must admit, I'm deathly afraid of pregnancy. It's like a phobia, kinda like tokophobia. I can't stop to stare these cake. Augh! It creeps me out!!!!

(Ironic, however, is that I don't mind dissections, evisceration, you name it--I'm taking some EMT classes, and trauma photos are a breeze for me. Stabbed in the eye? Sucks. Brain splatters? Ew, but oh well.)

I also wonder what the initial reaction of such cakes are!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter~ L. K.

Honestly, at first look I thought that first cake was an *ahem* "enhanced" breast. With the line as the scar from the insertion surgery. I mean, c'mon -- that looks NOTHING like a belly button (but it does look like something else)! No idea what the triangle-thingie might have been, had you not said that the cake was a belly and the triangle was underwear.

And because I have a morbid sense of humor, I really want these cakes to be red velvet inside. Perhaps with red gel icing between the layers. Heehee!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKat

That last one was extremely disturbing! *shudder* Glad it wasn't for me, I probably would have cried my eyes out.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersues2u2

I made the mistake of reading this post while eating my lunch... and now I may not keep it down. These are just gross!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkaty

What do the cakes look like when you cut into them?

A truly wrecktacular cake would be made of red velvet, with a hollowed out spot in the belly and a fetus shaped cake insterted into it. That would fabulous.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSherene

Rock 105.3 has a pregnant bikini pageant "Missed Period 2009" every year....I think number 1 is a contestant.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCakeEater

The thong-belly one looks like a very bizarre baseball cap to me. You've got the cap, the button at the top of the cap, a seam, and then the visor, although the visor is weirdly triangular and trimmed with lace.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterazurelunatic

I say, if you are going to make one of these belly cakes, they should be made out of red velvet, have some sort of gelatin filling, and of course have a baby doll stuck inside of it. Gross? Absolutely, but if you are going to do it, why not go all the way.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJanine

I think the first one with the Victoria's Secret-worthy panties had sex appeal. Albeit of the more perplexing variety.

But seriously, bad enough having a belly cake, then you got to add sexy panties, THEN underneath that was "Mazel Tov!" WTF?

Whenever I get knocked up, I'll just want a sheet cake, thankyouverymuch. No frills, no lofty designs. It just needs to taste good. I'm a simple gal with simple tastes. Yellow cake with chocolate icing, please. Nom.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVanilla

Well isn't this nice...the thought and sentiment that was put into serving a BELLY cake? Good Lord, what next? How about we start serving up a 'beer gut, hairy chest, no butt' cake for certain men at their prime age? LMBO Now that would be a cake to remember...

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

When the page loaded I didn't see the undies on the first one, just the belly, and I thought it was the head of a bald guy with a mole growing out the top.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCassandra

My baby shower had cupcakes. I asked for about 1,000 red velvet cupcakes, no naked carrot riding babies, no cutesie toppers, no edible images of me/my belly. And that's what I got, folks. A ton of cupcakes and life was good.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Angry Jackalope

I'm just glad I had a pretty sheet cake that looked like a handmade quilt, in soft blues, greens and yellows. It was quite nice looking as baby cakes go. I do think that pregnant women are beautiful (and thankfully, so did my husband 22 & 17 years ago!) but the belly cakes, not so much.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterholly

I thought it looked like a belly wearing a bandana lol

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

where are the stretch marks?

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMary~Momathon

NASTY. That's the only word for a cake that has a belly button (which tends to be full of lint) and a "pregnant" line on it.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAverageMom

Regarding the spelling of Mazal/Mazel, in Israel it's pronounced Mazal (and with the accent on the second syllable). I think the "Mazel" pronunciation is Yiddish, not Hebrew, especially since the stress is on the first syllable. So, maybe the bride is Israeli? Or a stickler for Hebrew language?

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSarah in Israel

These poor women...

Pregnant woman #1 appears to have a serious case of the frontal wedgie. Oy.

Pregnant woman #2 appears to have a serious case of belly jaundice. Better have that checked out, STAT!

"MazAL Tov" looked wrong to me, but according to Wikipedia, it's an acceptable spelling. : shrug:

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

um....besides the fact that, when you're THAT preggo, you're usually sporting some beautiful granny panties not a lacy thong, they also spelled "MAZAL TOV" wrong. It's MAZEL TOV. LOL

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStacy

So I can see some twit thinking it would be funny to order such a cake. But what kind of sick puppy actually says, "Sure, I can do that!" Maybe it makes them feel god-like, shaping a woman's belly, but that whole process, including the end result, is just. so. wrong.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLura

This is my first comment, although I've been reading for a few months now.. Never have I been SO grossed out by anything so much as these belly cakes!!!!!! I've had two babies recently and while I adore the female body, even the button-line (though I didn't get one with either) these are SOOOOOOOO gross looking!!!! And to sexualize the one with the lingerie, and the poor woman who's face was on the second!?!? HORRENDOUS! Please God, do not be red velvet cake under the icing!
(oh, and yes, they do make pregnancy thongs).

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

I think the Mazal-Tov on the top one is the weirdest part for me.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterComic

I do have to say that I find it remarkable that only one person has commented on the corsage!!! It's totally my favorite part! Ridiculous!

I do have to say also that I was wondering if there was a baby (doll or fondant?) inside the belly... GROSS.

For the record, pregnancy is beautiful, and these cakes are hilarious, but I don't know If I would inflict either one of these on a woman who is preggers. She would be in tears, or depending on how hormonal she is, she might go into premature labor from either laughing so hard or from shock!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercgreyd

I'm sure this whole babybump gig was original ONCE UPON A TIME, but MAN--talk about overdone to the point of being trite/corny. I can't envision anyone actually thinking, "Oooo! That is SO wild!"
And by-the-by, I think the last belly button looks like an anus with a peanut stuck in it.
I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings; the "spicy" teaser/hint is like waiting for the other shoe to drop...! =^??^=
I'm guessing it'll be along the lines of out-and-out pornocakeography! Am I warm?

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Oh my god.

Is nobody else weirded out that they chose to go through the trouble of drawing on a lace trimmed thong when they could have just done jeans or solid color pants? Sick.

(aside from all the other obvious disgusting factors) haha

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Mazel tov is spelled wrong, too.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The best part is the lacy red underwear on the first one. Good GRIEF.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterpudenda shenanigans

To all you pregnant women out there, let these cakes be a me and arrange to have maternity portraits taken. It's a far better way to focus on your baby bump. I mean really, you want people thinking about these images when they think of you pregnant?

Perhaps neither lady has stretch marks! There are those that are so fortunate. A girl I work with has a 2 year old and nary a stretch mark (and I've done her bikini waxes so I know...) and a rockin' bod. She's young enough to be my daughter and I so wish I'd looked like that with a toddler!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Quote from my 6 year old daughter:
"Eww! and I mean EWWW!"

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This truly scares me since I'm pregnant with our first child. I hope I don't look like that OR get one of those cakes at the shower.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShoeaddict

Actually, non-pregnant women have a linea negra too. It's just significantly less apparent prior to pregnancy (and the appearance, of course, will vary depending on skin tone).

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPatti

I think these were more offensive than the grody toe ones. Love this site by the way, totally cracks me up!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKim Nath

it would almost be worth getting myself pregnant just so i could insist upon having THIS cake!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterthecatskillkiwi

I'm sure there is a website out there for guys who have just this particular fetish (pregnant cakes). You could make a fortune.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTrooper Thorn

Ah jeez, these cakes are so horribly TACKY! Can't anyone come up with a decent baby shower cake? If my friends brought me one of these monstrosities, I'd clobber her over the head with it. At least it provides us with entertainment, though, eh? ;)

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Whenever I see belly cakes, or any cake that resembles a realistic animal or baby, I can't help but imagine somebody really crossing the line and using a Red Velvet Cake for it. Or one of those chocolate cakes with the oozy filling, like a volcano cake.

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSusan T-O

Thank goodness the decorators spared us the STRETCH MARKS on those cakes... they are all horrid anyway and therefore, Cake Wrecks !

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLynn

To answer your question, I actually get to see my fair share of pregnant bellies, being a photographer! I've had 2 in the last week!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

First off, yes, they make maternity thongs. Being how I CANNOT stand granny panties, I scooped myself up some thongs at the maternity clothing store ASAP after my non-pregnant drawers got too confining. They were not, however, frilly, lacy or any way, shape or form sexy but WAAYY comfy!!

On a different note, preggo belly cakes seem all the rage (ick!!), but where are the...after the birth...saggy belly, puckered up stretch mark, where'd the heck did my belly button go? belly cakes? Now THAT would be a huge dose of reality in cake form. Probably even less appealing than preggo cakes, though. Oh well, just a thought!

April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTrish

Perhaps these cakes were actually meant to deter the recipient from becoming pregnant. ;) Would have worked for me. Especially that last one. Hoo boy.

April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCaryJ

I don't know what is worse, that the cake wrecker couldn't spell Mazel Tov, or that they wrote it essentially between the pregnant woman's thighs.

April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Anticipation or fear?

April 21, 2009 | Unregistered Commentergreen

Sickgross. And, what's the deal with the pink pashmina wrap (?) on the second one? Where are her arms?

April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNatalie

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