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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
May292009

Proper Grooming

You've gotta admit: outside of baby shower cakes, grooms' cakes are some of the most "unique" ones out there. This is the cake that puts the guy's favorite recreational activities on display, whether those are sports...

(I believe that's a plastic golf cart in the corner. So let's see...plastic flotsam, a printed edible image, random clumps of crumbled chocolate, and spotty airbrushing... all on one cake. Hah! And they said it couldn't be done.)

Hobbies...

(I realize I don't know that much about weaponry, but am I the only one seeing a gun on a hot water bottle here?)

Mouth cancer...

(I grew up in the sticks of Florida, so a cake can of chewing tobacco doesn't surprise me that much. Still, let's hope it's not flavored to match. Yech.)

Or just melting over an inner tube while covered with a gigantic straw hat.


[crickets chirping]

Well, he does look relaxed.

[staring some more] Ok, I give up. What is that red square supposed to be? Anyone? Anyone?

Thanks to Alan R., the only Wreckporter brave enough to attach his name to any of these submissions, and all you other Anony Mice.

« How Bizarre | Main | Purging the Evil Within »

Reader Comments (201)

The 'hot water bottle' under the rather nicely shaped handgun is a target, I believe. Notice the various scoring zones outlined.

No idea what the red thing in the water is.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbeautifulmonday

I am going with the red thing being a cooler since it seems to have silver-ish beer cans all around. But I am just guessing.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Forget the red thing. Jen, I'm terribly disappointed that you didn't point out his FEET! They're HUGE! I mean, they are as long as his legs are. WHere does he buy shoes? Maybe he's a cobbler and can make his own? I certainly hope so.

I *think* the thing under the gun is supposed to be a hanging target you shoot at. I guess the customer ordered it all in chocolate, but the lack of any color in that cake makes it look even worse!

And the first cake? Are you sure someone didn't start eating the cake and just leave some crumbs on it? I mean, what IS that supposed to represent?

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

those are the greasiest looking horseshoes on the tobacco cake. I don't think I would want any of those at my wedding but I would like explainations.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret

I looooove this site! it's one of 3 that I check every morning before work!
That definately looks like a hot water bottle-it's the first thing that popped into my head when I saw the picture. Then I realised it was a really crappy representation of one of those moving paper targets they use in a range

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie B

I think the dirt clumps on the golf one must be divots. I guess he's really not THAT good of a golfer.

And I noticed that the copenhagen can was surrounded by horseshoes and strawberries. I think it's like...Good luck cuz you're marrying a guy that's gunna have mouth cancer and that's just... well...REAL PRETTY! Well it is if you add strawberries right?

As for the straw hat.... I have no idea what the red square and silver things are but has anyone else noticed the flames around the edge of the straw hat?

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJudy

Is that an albino Kermit the Frog under that hat? Why do I feel like the water is pulling at his melting limbs?

No idea about the red thing...maybe another hot water bottle?

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSarah Jane

The hot water bottle is actually a target (roughly torso shaped). It took me a few minutes to actually figure it out and I do a decent amount of target shooting.

As for the guy on the inner tube, my first thought was "why is a deflated blow-up doll on an inner tube? That seems redundant."

-Erik

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAyrk

Well the golf cake doesn't look SOOO bad if you consider that the airbrushing is supposed to look like a golf course at sunset. Unfortunately, he must be golfing in a pit, and the chocolate looks really bad.

And the second one scares me, because to me it looks like a gun over a flask for alcohol. That spells danger.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSara Doane

Erm...based on the "decorations" on the sides of his straw hat, it appears the inner tube guy also enjoys spending time in the bathroom. *gag*

The red square is the big bite of watermelon that someone took out of yesterday's last CCC wreck.

Well, at least there's one good thing to know, most likely there's never been a lifesize replica of a groom done in cake...

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVeggieT

HaHa....The Guns and Roses cake is sorta elegant, in a guns 'n roses type of way...

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBelle Epoque

A towel? A banner? WEird....it almost looks like it has a little propeller on the left side.

I have an issue with the horseshoes on the tobacco cake....I did not see horseshoes at first glance....did they need to be BROWN? You can probably guess what I saw....

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJoy

No your not the only one Jen DEFINATLEY a hot water bottle!!! and so much poo on almost all of the cakes.....

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdiddleymaz

I can't imagine having these cakes at my wedding! I believe the "hot water bottle" is a grenade... and the "red blob" = a cooler ??? Your guesses are as good as mine!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJJ and EJ

I have no idea what the red square is, but the "hot water bottle" looks like a firing range target. A very simplified body/head one.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDavid

Definatley a hot water bottle and so much poo!!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdiddleymaz

The "can of chewing tobacco" is actually something called "snus" in the nordic countries, it isn't chewed but carried under the lip but just as disgusting a habit as chewing tobacco.

This particular can is apparently a brand from Copenhagen, Denmark.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCyberg

i SEE the hot waterbottle!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLou

Yep, definitely a hot water bottle. No idea on that red square though.

wv mudesib:it'd be a mudesib of water you'd get from that bottle.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkikimama

Maybe it's his floating cooler....looks like he's retrieving a beer.....
(shrugging shoulders) hmmmm.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCake Believe

The grooms should save these cake pics for the divorce so they can prove the bride knew what she was getting into.

WV: CONDS - I hope these grooms wear conds. They certainly don't need to be reproducing.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Well...going off of experience...

I'd say that red square kind of looks like the free trashbags they give you for on canoe/raft/float trips.

That's my guess.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

first to comment? BOOYA o.0 uhm... :]

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEricrazy

"Babe, your .45
was under the weather . . ."
(Run for it, groom man!)

wv:chane

I think a chane (a chane) would do you good . . . (a chane would do you good . .. )

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I think the red square is one of those red mesh bags used for trash on the river... I donno. I'm digging the wreckiness. Although, I do like the horseshoes on the tobacco cake. Can I just have a couple of those?

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Dotson-Thomson

HA HA Cake Haiku
Men and Cakes are not a match
What The Heck is that!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlina

Ha Ha Cake Haiku.
Men and cakes are not a match.
What the HECK is that!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlina

Does that last one even count as a cake? It's really just a giant doughnut.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkingmonkey

the "gun cake" is a BADly done 1911 on top of an ipsc target (http://www.brianenos.com/forums/uploads/photo-12528.jpg) probably for a USPSA shooter (United States Practical Shooing Association). just thought i would let you know what it SHOULD have looked like

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Rather than crickets chirping, I hear banjo's picking....

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichele

I could be wrong, but perhaps the chocolate clumps on the golf cake are divots?

EEEEEWWWWWWW on the can of dip!

The last one looks like a Hostess chocolate mini-donut.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMandy

I don't know. The chocolate covered strawberries look pretty tasty.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHouse

I think that is a gun on a dreidel!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNeyra-Jones

My first thought was water bottle. Like a passive-aggressive thing. Maybe he's in pain and will shoot you if you bug him...

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Gee, I'm thinking the hot water bottle is actually a giant grenade... gun, grenade... they go together, don't they?
:)

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterButterYum

I believe the hot water bottle might be the case for the pistol. The red thing that looks like a soggy pack of cigarettes confounds me--would we get a close-up of the writing on it? WOuld that even help?

AJ in Houston

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAJ

::squints:: Maybe that red square thing is supposed to be a towel?

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkelliem

I believe the red square is supposed to be watermelon.

...

Yeah.

Word Verification: Fonally, as in the backer fonally got a chance to use his airbrush tool.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterrosieknight

A (very wet) towel, perhaps?

The gun is either on a water bottle, or a really flat dreidel.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterN

I think that's supposed to be a flask under the gun. I have no idea about the red square thing.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbourbonmama

So, groom #1 likes crashing Mini Coopers? And groom #2 likes to shoot stuff?? Maybe these cakes should have been wake up calls.

Oh, and the red square: bag 'o beef jerky.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStacie

I think I'd be having second thoughts if my husband-to-be requested a weapon or chewing tobacco-themed groom cake.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I believe the red square is supposed to be watermelon.

...

Yeah.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterrosieknight

Red square = beach towel? Maybe?

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAliana

That poor dude's so relaxed he's rubberized. And his upper body's collapsed into his trunks.

And that looks like either a microscopic gun laying on a luggage tag, or a luggage tag so big that you're surely going to have to pay an extra 50 bucks for it. And don't call me Shirley.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDorci

I pretty much just see a gun and a water bottle too. But could the water bottle really be a target by any chance?

an unbelievable post once again, Jen. Your blog is a wonderful source of a smile for me every single morning! Thank you!

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterErin

I believe that red bag is used to carry the beer in the river to keep it cool. It's a mesh bag and the river tep is usually between 50 and 60. At least the river's that I have toobed in.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhappylittlewonders

I think the red square is the net bag that you can tie to the innertube and put things like shoes and beer in so you don't lose them on your float.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlil-m-moses

And I have no excuse for the random apostrophe. Sorry. Haven't had my coffee yet.

May 29, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhappylittlewonders

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