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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jun052009

And Now, MORE Weird Wedding Cakes

Aw, you know you love it.

Monica G. thinks this cake from the Wilton website looks like it's covered with rocks. I, however, say it looks like a pottery project. Covered in rocks.

And here we have...

A fish tank.

In a wedding cake.

That is all.

(Thanks, Phyllis L.)

If that isn't fishy enough for you, though, there's always this option:

(Look closely.) I am amazed, Karin. Completely freaked out, but amazed.

(UPDATE: Nope, these aren't Koi fish. Or imitation crab meat. For a close-up and explanation, go here.)

Laura M. tells me this next one is a "new take on a croquembouche gone awry". Now, I have no idea what a "croquembouche" is, but from looking at the photo...

I'm going to guess it's French for "albino booby tower".

And lastly, let's take a "peep" at Courtney S.'s find:

Hm. Now why does this topper remind me of the final scene in Beetlejuice?

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Reader Comments (297)

To me the first one looks like a chocolate cake covered with chocolate truffles. Considering your comments, I'll assume I'm welcome to grab your share. Yum! :D

Angie

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

See, I actually read all the comments before I post, so I am absolutely TWITCHING to be the first one to mention: "croquenbouche"= 3-dimensional French version of a CCC! (Except without the ghastly lashings of unnecessary frosting.)

The shark-fin-protest cake...Now, I'm all for protest. Hell, I spend a good portion of my life protesting, except for some reason people refer to it as "there goes Gladys, bitching again". But picking your wedding day to protest, and using your wedding cake as an instrument of that protest, is only cool if the outrage you're protesting is something that's actually cake-adaptable--say, white cake vs. yellow, or artificial vanilla vs. vanilla extract. Any protest that involves dead animals, blood, decay, mold, or the use of cupcakes, should be shunned forever as being beneath the natural dignity of cake. And that goes double for dead sharks that look like used Tampax.

The Peeps cake...count me into the "ah, bliss!" crew, although I could live without the decapitated bride and groom Peep-topper. Peeps as a whole, however, are delicious, satisfying, and suitable for use as an art-form, as well--as the fine folks at the Chicago Tribune understand:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/lifestyle/chi-peeps-poll,0,3294378.poll

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGladys

Okay - so if they were Koi, wouldn't there be more than a single red "slash" on at least one of them? Can you imagine the wedding photos? And what if the reception was held in the same hotel with an adjoining wedding with the fish tank cake - that would be an outstanding Bridezilla episode!

and yeah for peeps!

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly

Is that koi?? It looks like bloody fingers.

And, yeah, I'm a little in love with that peeps cake.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Thank you to those who have posted an explanation for the dead shark cake. I found it to be extremely disturbing (after my initial impression that it was fake crab meat shaped into a cake), and I was hoping it wasn't what I thought I was seeing.
Well, now I know it IS, but there is an explanation.
Although I don't see how making it into a wedding cake makes sense?
Or is Shark Fin Soup a popular wedding dish in China?

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbin

This peep cake is way less scary. Dress the peep, don't just stick it on a body. That's the key. Now you know.

http://jeri10-2009blogs.blogspot.com/2009/04/make-your-own-wedding-cake.html

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRememberMe

Even better:

http://www.peephut.org/images/BrideGroom.jpeg

I had no idea when I woke up this morning that I'd be googling "wedding peeps"

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRememberMe

Oh good heck, "albino boobie tower." I can't think of three words that could be any funnier when combined than albino, boobie and tower.

You scored big with that one. I'm keeping track.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMarji

The koi cake is so not cool. At first glance it looks like a tampon cake. Used. At that wedding, not only would I decline a piece of cake, but I don't think I would eat the meal either. In fact I don't think I would be able to eat for a while after seeing that...

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Ok, if you look at the next photo in the link to the shark cake (http://www.flickr.com/photos/theladygloom/3400939386/in/photostream/) you can see that these ARE sharks with their fins cut off, NOT koi, NOT bloody tampons or anything else weird.

I also get the impression that this wasn't someone's actual wedding cake, but a protest piece to get people to stop serving shark fin soup at weddings.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSue

Wow. Who knew that the modern artist Dave Falconer (creator of Vermin Death Stack, 1998 and Vermin Death Star, 2000-2002) had gone into making cake sculptures of tiny dead carp?

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGlory von Hathor

I want to buy the Peeps cake. My mom is a fanatic about peeps, and this would be the perfect birthday cake for her!!!! Maybe I'll make one....

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAunt of 14

"I also get the impression that this wasn't someone's actual wedding cake, but a protest piece to get people to stop serving shark fin soup at weddings."

Well, yeah, but why put a bride and groom on top of the cake then if it isn't a wedding cake?

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

I hate to ask this . . . but is that a cake made to look like used tampons? Is that the reason for the "fishy" pun? Or is it dead fish? I am at a loss.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

That fish tank cake is listing to the starboard a bit.....

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ohhh my gosh. Officially scarred for LIFE! Really, who says "Hmmm...what to put on the wedding cake. I KNOW!! DEAD FISH!"

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

Sorry. I looked closely. I don't see sharks, porpoises, koi, or even guppies.

I see tampons. Used tampons, from a "light flow" day.

That's disgusting. Now, the chocolate cake on the other hand? Even if they WERE rocks, I'd eat the cake & lick the chocolate off. As it is, I think they look more like chocolate donut holes. Yummm :)

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwoofless

I, too, thought that the dead fish were used tampons at first. Yummy.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterErin
June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShelley

Seriously, what is up with the dead dolphins? And the fish tank? WHY?
I just voted for your blog at the Blog Luxe awards.. good luck!!

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

The pile of white things with red on them looks like a bunch of brutalized dead mice. Ew.

The chocolate one with the "rocks" made me think of Chef from South Park...."Hey everybody have you seen my balls, they're big and salty and brown! If you ever want a quick pick-me-up just stick my balls in your mouth!" (The song Chef sang to promote his tasty treats, Chocolate Salty Balls)

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterheyitsbeej

The bleeding fish cake -

Look closely, you can clearly see shark heads.

The whole thing consists of definned sharks - pectoral and dorsal fins removed (for shark fin soup).

I'm not sure if the couple getting married that got this cake are activists or connoisseurs, but either way, that's one disturbing cake.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSunny

"Albino Booby Tower"

Oh Jen, this is why I keep telling my friends about this site.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Black Dog

I see someone else has commented that the bleeding shark cake and its origin, so I won't rehash that.

But if you check out other photos in that same flickr photostream, you'll find some odd ones...especially since boobies seems to be a theme in one of todays wrecks:
Without further ado, the boobies galore cupcukes:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/theladygloom/3400297851/in/photostream/

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNathan

The chocolate cake looked yummy to me (total chocoholic).

The fish tank cake had me worrying about the health of the fish stuck in there.

The gross Rorschach cake, I didn't want to look at closely enough to figure out what was going on in there. Amazingly, IMO, the actual explanation is probably more disgusting than some of the commenters' theories. That takes "talent" (or dementia, I'm not sure which).

The cream puff tower, no real comment.

The Peep cake was adorable! Granted, my diabetic husband's pancreas would probably explode if he was in the same room with it, but it's still cute.

WV: "eurgh" - how appropriate for cake #3, since I'm sure most people who saw it in person reacted with about that sound

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFelixAndAva

OK, the third cake looks like it's covered in koi, that fish you see all the time in japanese paintings. Still doesn;t make it any less of a wreck. If you like koi there are SO many better ways to have a koi themed cake than to cover every inch with 3-D squirming fish.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Is the first cake supposed to be a chocoholic's dream? Are those rocks really truffles? If so, that's an interesting concept--give everyone a truffle as well as a slice of deep dark chocolate cake frosted with ganache and watch the chocoholics in the room stare at their S.O.s in a haze of chocolate-fueled lust, then start the dancing--and yet it wouldn't work. When truffles get warm, they leave smears of chocolate on everything. Fingers. Cheeks. Your lap when you can't hold on to them because they're slippery.

Word verification: Hableez. What Hispanic people find themselves reading when they ask for an inscription in Spanish and get a Cake Wreck instead.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Is is koi? or dead baby seals? either way, its terrifying....

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

Now that we know what was behind #3, I think it's absolutely awesome. If you look at that Flickr page, the detail on the sharks is pretty damned good.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKitty

So I don't know what's worse, what I thought the red and white was before I enlarged it (used tampons) or what I think it is after (dead whales).

Either way...seriously disturbing.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermelly

Albino boobie tower...*giggles like the college student that I am*

The dead fish/dolphins/tampons (well, they DO bear a resemblance...) cake baffles me though. WHY would someone want something like that? Do I even want to know the backstory?

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChey

'albino booby tower' is the best thing I have heard all day.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterthingsmymothersaid

That bleeding fish cake is the GROSSEST cake I have ever seen on here, and that is saying quite a lot. It doesn't help that we just saw an episode of "River Monsters" that had flesh eating fish that could take care of a body in a matter of minutes that looked eerily like those fish. *shudder*

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Here is a close-up detail on the shark fin soup cake :)

It's actually quite amazing detail!! Imagine how long that took.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/theladygloom/3400939386/in/set-72157600883128862/

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBecca

is it bad that i want to eat the pottery with the rocks cause it looks yummy?

wv: honoba = The wedding cake baker hit the honoba too much before making the cakes...

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wow. Those are astonishing.
Honestly, my first thought about #3 was that someone had made an intestine-cake!

Then I realized it looked like sharks with their fins cut off, and that didn't make it better or make any more sense.

Thanks to foobella for the fliker link. At least now I know what the freaking heck the baker was doing! Jen, your job is more dangerous than I'd realized.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNatalie

Wow, I hope the marriage that was celebrated with the third cake works out. If not... well, there aren't really "plenty of other fish in the sea" for that couple, are there? Because they're all dead on the cake.

~Elanna

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

albino boobie tower... that made my day.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMorgan the Muse

Oh my gosh.....is that supposed to be bloody gauze??? Ewwww.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Parker 5

The Shark Fin Soup cake is actually pretty amazingly made and striking.

So many sharks are killed to make shark fin soup at Chinese weddings, what is sad is that shark fin is tasteless and the soup is flavoured with chicken stock. Utterly pointless and cruel.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

that bloody cake looks like toilet paper! (at first I thought of a different thing but I'm not going to say it) Some people is sooo disgusting hahahahahahahaha.
And that bride definitely has balls. I wouldn't dare to give the face after that.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlessandra

EEK...that shark gummies cake is icky ...wonder if it's another attempt to disguise piled up cupcakes ?

I kind of like the Peeps Cake...it does remind me of the "Beetlejuice" couple too ! ( I would have chosen pink peeps for the bride and blue peeps for the groom )

And the cake type that originated in France ? They can have that horrid thing back anytime !

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLynn

So if a croquembouche is basically a pile of cream puffs guests pull off, do you just walk by and grab an albino boobie?

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTrish

I am going to be wondering about that dead fish/tampon cake for days. Please find out something for us will you?

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am totally speechless after seeing the dead fish cake. Wow.

The peeps cake just made me piss myself laughing because my mom is a total fan of peeps and I could totally see her crazy personality doing something like that!!! To a good laugh of course!!

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPrincess MAR

If the first cake is chocolate and truffles, it can look like pottery with rocks.

But I do know that a croquembouche is a um... conglomerate baked good balls of cake or fruit clued together with chocolate or icing. Each ball is a serving, eliminating the need to really cut the cake, but the core is generally Styrofoam.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGuma

What. The Hell. I don't understand the bleeding fish cake. It makes my head spin a little.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNotABaker

are those koi fish stacked onto one another on the third cake? ewww. looks like the after effects of someone bombing a pond.

June 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommentermizzyN

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