My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Early Detection is Key

During these summer months, it's extra important to perform regular bakery checks. So just remember your ABCs, everyone:

A: Is the "design" awful?
B: Is the border ragged or irregular?
C: Is the color reminiscent of a contagious skin disease?

If you see anything suspicious, don't delay: photograph the offending specimen and submit it to a licensed professional* immediately.

*And by "licensed professional", I mean "the blogger who specializes in ridiculing ridiculous Wreckage". (Now say that three times fast...)

Eric P., thanks for this important reminder.

- Related Wreckage: How To Make Your Twins Hate You

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Reader Comments (131)

"ahem, what should i put on this cake? oh no! there is mold in the refrigerator! i know what i'll do. i'll put the mold on this cake!"
that my friends, is what this wrecker was thinking.
~Lucia Winter

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLucia Winter

It look likes a mentrual pad.


July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTindy

Grimperspective wins! Great story, Grim!

My husband thinks he sees a velociraptor

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjoyce

I actually *snorted* out loud when I read grimperspective's story! I could see that happening! Best. Story.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDebbi

My guess here is a combo of two things. One is a starting idea that the grocery chain bakery I once worked for called a "tie dye" cake - food coloring dripped directly on the icing and using an empty airbrush to blow it into multi-colored patterns. Then, I'm going to say a late shifter gave up halfway through, spilled too much red, and/or then discovered the airbrushes were gone/out for maintenance, and just let it go hoping someone would buy the wreck before the supervisor came in and saw it.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdarkladytaelyn

I believe it is a test for a CSI team to check if they can perform DNA/HIV/HepB-C analysis out of blood on top of a cake. I'm sure they'll pass and have the results in 10 minutes using only a centrifuge ;)

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDeray

Maybe the decorator is a big fan of Dexter. Looks like a stab wound splatter to me.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My four-year-old has cleared up the mystery. I asked what the cake was of, and she said, "It's red throw-up."

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermimi

Oh God, it's an original Watchmen cake! It's... Rorschach!

No, actually it's just a wreck. An epic wreck.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHelena Electra

Maybe there was a zombie attack and all of the wrecktators turned into zombies... like in Dawn of the Dead where the gun salesman guy just smears blood all over his markerboard as a message to the other people... Or maybe that's just me :)

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

I'm hoping that's a blood spatter cake. Quick, somebody call Dexter Morgan! :)

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTHE GRAMMARPHILE

What were they going for there? "Congratulations on your cancer!"

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMorgan the Muse

It reminds me of a pad. =X

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Is that a Twilight cake?

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMama-Beans

I see the Starship Enterprise waging war on a couple of turtles. Really.

I kind of like the design, the color choice, though, is unfortunante.

Granted, I don't know what color would be better.

grimperspective made me laugh out loud, as did this post. Way to go, guys!

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRedd

Nothing says "Congratulations on Your Diagnosis" quite like that wreck.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTiffaney

It KIND OF looks like someone was trying to make the United States. Kind of. That was all I could come up with...

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWhitni Ann

It looks like the scene in Watchmen right after (SPOILER ALERT) Rorschach was killed.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSpygel

Yay, murder scene cake!

I honestly can't think of any other effect they could possibly be going for with that.

Though, it would be a fun theme to run with if you had the right crowd. Have the party at your local speakeasy, tell everyone to come armed and dressed like mobsters, and write somethihg like-
Farewell, Johnny "The Rat" Marcello!

-on the cake. ^_^

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeli


did the cake decorator slice an artery and bleed all over the cake?

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermlpieters

That would make a great zombie party cake, don't you think?

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNoelle

Ewwwww! It looks like the decorator had a nosebleed, and no kleenex!

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered Commenternoricum

Those bakers attended the tale of Sweeney Todd...heh

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSean

This cake should be for a thirteen year old girl....

but they forgot the inscription:

"Congrats on becoming a woman!"

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterManda

O_o My first impression was definitely mold . . . or period blood. Disgusting.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAleesuhn_Muhree

I have nothing to say about the cake that hasn't already been said, but I wanted to thank all the wonderful commenters for all the laughs that I really needed. (Nice to see so many other Dexter fans around, too.)

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFelixAndAva

Oh whoa, it looks like the decorator may have gotten a cut somehow and decided oxidized blood was a nice touch. How creative of them :]

There are less graphic ways to say "Congratulations on reaching menarche", you know.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

C'est très appétissant !

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Could it be red velvet cake crumbles that were too wet?

That's the only sane thing that makes sense to me...

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Am I missing something? Can't a girl just order a CSI cake for her CSI Club Party? I was specific when I ordered the bloody cake. I wanted it to look like an intentional homicide. This cake is beautiful!

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterInventing Weddings

There's nothing wrong with this cake - it's just upside-down.

*stands on head*

There. All better.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLSUfan

Little Luxuries said Two words: "arterial spray". Somebody needs to do a headcount of the bakery staff, pronto.

Nah, it lacks directionality. Doesn't look like it simply dripped either, though. Cast off from a weapon maybe?

And really, WTF?! Whoever took this picture, please tell us the story behind this cake!

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjackie31337

I don't understand... What is it suppose to be???

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterErin

it's for an American Psycho party. duh!

(that tasteful off-white color is a nice touch, but the border would probably not pass muster. Patrick Bateman would not only send it back, he would finish the job, if you know what I mean.)

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRachel Leastlikely

You may find a tip of the baker's index finger in there, be warned.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

dude...when someone poops on your cake, it's not good. not good.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKate the Retail Girl

Man, if the cake looks this bad, the body must look awful.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNatalie

Yay! Sweeney Todd! The latest fad in kids' birthday cakes. It should come with a little plastic barber's chair.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdesibarbossa

For the first time in the two years that I have been visiting your blog, I saw a picture that made me scream aloud. lol

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered Commentererb1

Oh oh, I see a doe (stretch) in the figure at the top-right. She's jumping. Her tail also seems to be a little separate from her body.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMatt B

It's a "congrats on your first period" cake, obviously

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered Commentergirlrat

I got it! Someone ordered a cake for a NCIS or CSI themed party! And then cancelled! And the baker decided "well, *someone will buy it!"

Or not.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLizzy Leigh

Guys, it's obviously a tribute to Michael Jackson! He/she was listening to "Blood on the Dance Floor" and figured it was a marvellous idea for a cake.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterIngeborg

I think you're supposed to stare at it for 30 seconds and then stare at a blank wall to see the image.

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That looks like it should be bagged as evidence. Eeesh.

Ingeborg said...
"Guys, it's obviously a tribute to Michael Jackson!"
I happen to see your point, here.
If you look really closely at the label, under the "3/4 SHEET" part, it does say, "MICHAEL J CAKE."
I didn't say it makes SENSE--I'm only pointing out a possiblility.
Of course, it *could* also be that there is an actual cake called the "Michael J Cake" for any number of other other reasons... Here's one: The famous impressionist artist Michael J Cake designed and copyrighted this image.
How simple was that?
(And don't EVEN tell me that you've never heard of this guy.)

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Oh my it only me or does that look like an unwrapped bloody bandage? Or one of the slides I examined for biology last year...gross.

Anna Marie

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRusty and Bandit

I'm sure many have tried to determine what this cake is all about by squinting. It's a cake for paleolithic anthropologists. It's a cave painting and the patterns, made of red ochre, depict prehistoric scenes of animals, hunters, and other ancient blog topics. ;)

July 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBill

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