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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Aug112009

Buyer's Remorse

Well, ladies, you did it: You've said your vows, the birdseed has been thrown, and now you're ready to hit the reception, do a little Mambo #5 (sure that fad is over, but you like it, dang it), and celebrate with your very own Prince Charming.

[music swelling] I'm talking about the guy of your dreams, the man who swept you off your feet with his suave good looks, his impeccable taste, and his...ah...

[music screeching to a halt] ...closet alcoholism?

Yep, sorry to break it to you, girls, but some of you are going to learn a lot more about your new hubby than you wanted to at your wedding reception, all thanks to his grooms cake.

Like the fact that not only does he enjoy hunting - that you could deal with - but that he also believes plastering a photo of himself with his latest "kill" on a cake surrounded by real shotgun shells is wedding-appropriate.


[tears welling up] Aw, don't they look happy together? Mr. Romance here really knows the way to a girl's heart, doesn't he? (Through the ribcage with an M-16.)

You could also learn he has a mildly-alarming obsession with the show "Golden Girls":

(Note: that's supposed to be Sofia in his lap, not a twisted granny-version of a blow-up doll.)

And of course every bride finds this kind of humor absolutely hysterical on her wedding day:

Feel the love.

Serena M., Amanda, Christel P., & Morgan G., that grave cake could really make a person blue. At least his/her tongue, anyway.

- Related Wreckage: When Men Design Their Own Cakes

« It Came From the Baby Shower... | Main | I Wanna Be a Wreck Star »

Reader Comments (126)

The worst offense on the Golden Girls cake is the lack of attention to detail. Any real fan would know that the girls' couch is made of wicker with a tropical print. It's NOT purple.

August 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I don't get where the groom's cake idea came from. I've never been to a wedding with one. WTF do you need 2 cakes for?

August 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterValerie

The biggest issue of questionable taste here, in my opinion, is the choice of BUD LIGHT as the featured beer. My husband might have considered a Dogfish Head or Avery cake... perhaps even something so obvious as Guinness.

A Bud Light cake, however, would have been grounds for me to request premarital counseling... or at least an educational beer tasting

WV: hanth
"Hey Jim, yer my bess man and all, but git yer hanth off mah new wife, will ya, and go git me anudder Bud Light from the bar. *hic*"

August 12, 2009 | Unregistered Commentergrey

Exactly why *I* chose the groom's cake.

August 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterC

Nibbles - If I had to guess, I'd say that a true Bridezilla would never allow her groom to select the groom's cake all on his own, without her approval and/or strict supervision.

That Golden Girls one, if it didn't say Golden Girls on it, I'd assume it was a not so subtle hint that the groom and his mommy were a bit too still tied at the apron strings for any sane wife's tastes. It looks like he's holding his (rather awkwardly stiff) mommy on his lap on the couch while the bride fumes. (And thank the Lord it's on a couch and not the honeymoon bed, I can totally see someone changing that couch to a bed for their cake.)

August 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am really mystified by the Golden Girls cake. Does it say, "Sorry Sophia?" Why is the bride pissed off? Questions, questions...

August 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDharmamama

EEEK! Ok, so glad grooms' cakes aren't a tradition where I'm from....

August 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDea

OMG...the shotgun shells....

August 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBreeanna "Ducky" Menendez

okay the sofia cake looks like fisher price little people (whatever they're called) heads were used for the faces. yeah, creepy.

August 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEtiquette Bitch

My husband would have loved a groom's cake with a hunting theme! lol

August 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCountry Cookin' Mama

I agree with the posters above who said they'd be down with a beer cake, just not a Bud Light cake. You say it, sistahs!

I *still* don't get why the wedding cake, presumably decided on by the bride and maybe her mom, is supposed to look like some fancy Stepford nightmare, while the groom gets a 'fun' cake (and wrath be upon the bride who wants a fun cake, too!) Like the groom gets to celebrate his interests/hobbies but the bride doesn't have any, so she gets a generic "Wedding Cake".

Anyway, if it were a Gulden Draak cake, a Delerium Tremens cake, an Erdinger cake, a Heffeweisen cake, a Malheur 12% cake, a Bass Ale cake, a Karmeliet cake or a Floris Honey cake, I'd be totally on board! (Can you tell I have a taste for 'expensive and Belgian'?)

Not for the groom's cake, but for the wedding cake!

August 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenna

Sad to say, It's a good thing all my cousins are married (and other family members), or upon seeing the deer cake, they would have had it not as a grooms cake, but as the main cake! I could easily see that one being a hit back home.

But like I can talk...considering I had the Klingon Great Hall as a wedding cake... :)

And I totally agree with the last comment about that if it was a Gulden Draak cake, it would be awesome! Love that stuff!

August 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSue

Sarah eats so Todd must hunt. Where's the helicopter?

August 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

How considerate of them to put UFO landing lights on that last grave.

August 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTags

I'd just like to say thank you, I now have some clue what on earth a groom's cake is.

FWIW, it's pretty common in Australia to have different cakes in different layers. ie edible cake.

I just think the grave cake really needed someone dancing on it.

August 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAriane

I thought the concept of the groom's cake was that the bride was supposed to do it as a surprise for the groom. That's certainly how ours went...

August 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Girl

Mmmm. The first one is so classy.

August 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

I love this blog and have only discovered you a couple of weeks ago. I just found out, however, that the Groom's Cake at this wedding I'm going to in a couple of weeks will have a Steeler's theme. I'll report back...

August 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatjaMouse

I was at a wedding once and the groom's cake had a truck on it that looked as though it was stuck in mud and it said, "You are really stuck now, John."

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

As others have mentioned, I also love the tuxedo strawberries. Although in all likelihood if anyone requested those from someone else for themselves, the result would be a wreck. Sigh.

August 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDDog

Ok...I have to say, the third cake makes me think of the movie "The Producers...the couch is the same and the way the little old ladies look is right on...but I don't get it as a grooms cake.

September 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEmJ

Ladies, if you think your man may be considering something like this, it may be time to consider LESBIANISM! My life's never been better. +OO+

July 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterImaginary

I've got the perfect dress to go with that shotgun cake:

http://www.yardwear.net/blog/content/binary/camo-wedding%20dress.jpg

August 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteralloy1028

While the actual cake looks horrendous...I love the last 1! That's something that takes some real sense of humor, especially if the bride ordered it. :o0

June 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ok, killing an animal is demented in the first place, but taking a picture and putting it ON A CAKE?!
Sheesh. I feel sorry for the bride who had to put up with that!!!

March 12, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady's Daughter

Until you said Golden Girls, I thought it was a tribute to his Real Doll, Shandra.

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterVickiC

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