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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Aug182009

National Cupcake Day

I'm told that today is National Cupcake Day. So, we could celebrate all that's good about these mini-cakes in paper wrappers, and look at beautiful examples of them made by talented people...

OR

We could take a little refresher course on why Cupcake Cakes are evil. After all, what better way to celebrate the cupcake than by protecting it from unholy perversions which must be stopped before cake art as we know it is ruined beyond all saving!?!

[patting down hair]

Yeah, I like Option B better, too.

There are two types of CCCs: your basic, all-slathered-together model:

(which Wreckerators are forever trying to make round shapes out of)

And the "mosaic" style, wherein the cupcakes are each iced separately:

(Either a crying fish or an airplane turned sideways, dumping out the pilot's lunch.)

As you can see, both types of CCC are what baking industry insiders refer to as "fugly."

Plus, cupcake cakes come with enough frosting to induce a diabetic coma merely by being within a ten-foot radius. Usually we're spared this sight because CCC photos are taken from directly overhead, but you can sort of see what I'm talking about here:

What's worse: that this is supposed to be a sombrero, or that there's even more icing underneath those paper wrappers, gluing them to the board?

CCCs almost always result in shapes that baffle the imagination. If you wanted to put that in a positive light (which I don't) you could say they're like edible Rorschach tests (so I won't). And so one person's hamburger becomes another's highway o' caterpillars:


One person's flip-flops becomes another's necklace-wearing alien blobs with hives:


Or one person's [Note to John: what the heck is this? Find out and insert here] becomes another's Mardi Gras cactus mask:

Or maybe it's a flying pickle. [head tilt] Huh.

Rather than fighting back against the evil infiltrating their bakeries, I'm afraid most Wreckerators have simply given up:

[throwing down spatula] "Meh, it's a football. Time for my break."

Others write us little clues on the cake board:

I'm pretty sure "No Intelligent Life Found" means this is supposed to be a UFO, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the irony.

And still others are clearly having so much fun that they may need forcible restraining:

Duuude.

Well, I think you get my point: cupcakes are great, cupcake cakes are - to put it nicely - fugly icing bombs sprung from the bowels of Hell's kitchen. (The real one, I mean. Love ya, Gordon!)

Matt H., Chessa N., Lauren R., Jennifer R., Brittany H., Amy L., Nathan, Nichole B., & Beth, go forth and eateth thine cupeth caketh in exceedingeth celebration.


Related Wreckage: Cupcake Cakes: Always Wrecktastic. Always.

« A Day in the Life of a Wreckerator, Pt 2 | Main | A Day in the Life »

Reader Comments (168)

I am for sure going to order a chihuahua with a mustache in CCC form for my next party.

I think the crying fish/airplane one is upside down, and those circles are supposed to be bubbles.

And the flying pickle one looks rather like a cactus to me.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJasini

That first one looks like a clown's wig!! There's so much icing on that "sombrero" that my teeth hurt just looking at it!

mysleepinghusband.blogspot.com

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWide Awake Wife

One would think that the small size of the cupcake would protect it from the monstrosities of being “wrecked”, but I guess no job is too small for a dedicated “wrecker”. “No room to misspell ‘Happy Birthday’ on these tiny cakes? Ha ha ha! I laugh at this challenge! I’ll just slather tons of icing all over the tops of all the cupcakes!”

Josh

http://thedmt.blogspot.com

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJosh (the DMT)

That's a sombrero???? I thought it was a traffic cone!

and the one after it looks like the old-school game Frogger. But caterpillar highway works too!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKim

I'm going to come back and look at these CCCs when I'm not on narcotics to see if I can make any better sense of them. Something tells me I won't.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Courteous Chihuahua

Well, happy cupcake day, world.

i'm really lovin' the "fish"'s facial expression. or, at least, i'm assuming that's his face.

[rolls eyes] ccc's are such posers: they're constantly trying to be something they're not. and what's worse is that they fail at it. over and over and over.

for example: they're famous for being lopsided circles. they just don't measure up to real cakes.

stupid posers.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFarris-not-Ferris

Thanks for the clarification on Danny's "sombrero" ccc. I thought it was a vacum cleaner. Couldn't figure out why anybody would give that to a guy (or girl for that matter). Maybe he runs a cleaning service....

these are hilarious! Lily

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh, hell no!!! That last one?!? Seriously?

CCC's are the spawn of the devil. Truly.

Thanks for the laughs. I think I'll go to my favorite cupcake bakery today to celebrate. This bakery doesn't even make CCC's. They are cupcake purists. You'd love them, Jen.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda in Austin

I like frosting. No, I love frosting. That being said, I do not like frosting on my fingers, and I just can't see a way to eat these cupcake cakes without getting frosting all over my fingers. Give me a piece of cake with that much frosting so it's on a plate and I can eat it with a fork.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

You know, I think you could actually make a successful poodle CCC since they're meant to be all bumpy and curly round the outside anyway. Still way too much frosting and a horrible idea but at least it wouldn't have those horribly misshapen edges.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterrhonda

I laughed until I cried. Thanks!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHope

The pickle cactus kinda looks like a space ship to me...with holes for the windows.
Or *head tilt* I have unresolved Freudian issues.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

Oh dear im laughing so much it hurts....Cupcakes or Fairy Cakes as we used to say here in Great Britain are lovely but these wrecks are so BAD they are GOOD!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdiddleymaz

Horribly, horribly hilarious!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStalker v1.5

How do you mess up a football?! It looks like something a cow left behind.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter*Akilah Sakai*

Perhaps some of your best writing and captioning. But CCC lend themselves to ridicule more than the average wreck, you had an easy job today.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterScott

Poor Betsy did not even get candles that match ...

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDebbi

No ship Sherlock... If there was intelligent life in the bakery, these "things" would never have been created.

WV: nomsin... I'd like to nomsin cupcakes, but there's way too much frosting on, under, and around them.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

The first one looks like a clown's wig to me.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

The unknown one looks like flip-flops. These are so weird!!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKeri

At first I thought you were a bit dramatic, and then I looked at the CCCs (Ptooie!)...

What is the first one? A gay pride feather duster? I also see a seasick fish, a diabetic coma-inducing Christmas bell, a muddy stream of colorful fish, Jen's well-dressed aliens, The Mask or a moldy cow skull or a hideous moth, (I'm afraid to admit to what I thought the next one was, but I can say it is wildly inappropriate!) a section of the streets in Oz, and a pink poodle with a kickin' moustache but no legs.

I'm pretty sure I should be committed.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

Well I thought National Cupcake Day (for the United States) was December 15th according to this website:
http://www.tfdutch.com/foodh.htm

Maybe today is National CCCC (CCC Catastrophe) Day...though with what we've seen here and in our local bakeries that is everyday!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJBPottery

@ The Curteous Chihuahua - I was here last week and on narcotics for minor surgery... Back this week without..

Trust me, it doesn't really matter whether you're on the good drugs or not. It still won't make any sense.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Is the first one some sort of native american headress? A warbonnet with with different colored feathers?

The poodle one really isn't that bad! I could see myself loving that cake... when I was four.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEllen

I love the pink "thing" with the pigtails & mustache, wonder what type of party that was for :)

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRonda

my teeth hurts just looking at all those icings!!!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKirstan

THanks! You have provided me with yet ANOTHER reason to hate stupid little puff-cut poodles!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

I... can't... stop.... laughing!!!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

I'm an icing lover, too, the old-fashioned sickly-sweet kind - so shoot me.

Anyway, is it just me or does it seem that the pink on the "flip flops" is airbrushed on? The colouring is nice and even, however how else is the white icing immediately underneath (there are two spots where the icing has been gouged) explained?

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDebra

Your commentaries had me falling out of my chair laughing! I was diggin' those amorphous flip-flop-alien-thingies!

Oh, and um...

I kinda like the Poochie CCC.

*ducks for cover*

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMandy

Those were flip flops? I thought they were slightly stylized dogs wearing necklaces. FLIP FLOPS? for a cake? NOOOOO.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

"necklace wearing alien blob with hives??!!" ROTFL!!

WV: sworzi. I could've sworzis CCCs came from ze depths of Hell.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHolly

I thought the first one was a clown wig until I realized it was "supposed" to be a beach ball... should have stuck with clown wig, it's a pretty good interpretation of that!
The rest are pretty awful...

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda M.

The last one is Poochie! I swear!
www.dreamfollow.com/lilypad/pictures/poochie.jpg
But I still think CCCs are evil, I promise.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Angry Jackalope

I love frosting, but even I have my limits. These make my teeth hurt.

That poor poodle needs a wax job pretty bad. I don't care if you shouldnt wax a poodle, all the other dogs on the block are laughing!

Becky

wv: heari - "Heari, heari. I now declare all CCCs a crime against nture."

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

the pink one is flip flops !

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMisguided Mommy

I think that first one is the scalp of a clown.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

-->That "football" looks like a giant turd at first glance.

www.WebSavyMom.com

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDeb Thaxton

oh my....Those are supposed to be flip flops. Cute little flip flops with flowers on them. Lord help me if I ever see the feet they were meant for. Yikes. Wrecktastic!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

Is that Poochie?!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeg

OMG these are just so wrong on a multitude of levels! Hysterically funny and thanks for the daily laugh, but wrong. Just. Wrong.

wv: depadu - If something like this ended up at my house on my birthday, my husband would be in depadu-doo.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This is so funny, cause my daughter and I were going to make cupcakes today, but I promise, no cupcake cakes... just regular ol' chocolate frosted vanilla cupcakes :-)

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlisa C

that food ball looks like a turd with strings

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHorribleLicensePlates

I think the football could pass (ha, pun) as a baked potato! ;)

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatrina

The flying pickle one reminds me of Texas. (Don't ask)

Is the sombrero one a pyramid of cupcakes, or one layer with a block of frosting on top?

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHorserider

Now, I do agree that these are ridiculous, and the first time I ever saw a "CCC" I was like wth?! BUUUUT I will say that I have eaten a cupcake from one of these CCC's. Half the icing from the other cupcakes ended up just sticking to the one in the middle, which was MINE.

and it was beautiful.
Don't hate.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

Is it me or does the "UFO" on look like it says, "No Intelligent LIFF Found?"

At first glance I thought the sombrero looked like a bell.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJaemi

What exactly is the last one supposed to be? Doll? Clown? AAHHHH!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChris, Gina and Hunter

Ugh. I had no idea the pink things were supposed to be flip-flops until you told me. Thanks for the clarification. When, oh, when will bakeries -- yes, even Wal-Mart bakeries, ban CCCs?

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEtiquette Bitch

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