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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Aug182009

National Cupcake Day

I'm told that today is National Cupcake Day. So, we could celebrate all that's good about these mini-cakes in paper wrappers, and look at beautiful examples of them made by talented people...

OR

We could take a little refresher course on why Cupcake Cakes are evil. After all, what better way to celebrate the cupcake than by protecting it from unholy perversions which must be stopped before cake art as we know it is ruined beyond all saving!?!

[patting down hair]

Yeah, I like Option B better, too.

There are two types of CCCs: your basic, all-slathered-together model:

(which Wreckerators are forever trying to make round shapes out of)

And the "mosaic" style, wherein the cupcakes are each iced separately:

(Either a crying fish or an airplane turned sideways, dumping out the pilot's lunch.)

As you can see, both types of CCC are what baking industry insiders refer to as "fugly."

Plus, cupcake cakes come with enough frosting to induce a diabetic coma merely by being within a ten-foot radius. Usually we're spared this sight because CCC photos are taken from directly overhead, but you can sort of see what I'm talking about here:

What's worse: that this is supposed to be a sombrero, or that there's even more icing underneath those paper wrappers, gluing them to the board?

CCCs almost always result in shapes that baffle the imagination. If you wanted to put that in a positive light (which I don't) you could say they're like edible Rorschach tests (so I won't). And so one person's hamburger becomes another's highway o' caterpillars:


One person's flip-flops becomes another's necklace-wearing alien blobs with hives:


Or one person's [Note to John: what the heck is this? Find out and insert here] becomes another's Mardi Gras cactus mask:

Or maybe it's a flying pickle. [head tilt] Huh.

Rather than fighting back against the evil infiltrating their bakeries, I'm afraid most Wreckerators have simply given up:

[throwing down spatula] "Meh, it's a football. Time for my break."

Others write us little clues on the cake board:

I'm pretty sure "No Intelligent Life Found" means this is supposed to be a UFO, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the irony.

And still others are clearly having so much fun that they may need forcible restraining:

Duuude.

Well, I think you get my point: cupcakes are great, cupcake cakes are - to put it nicely - fugly icing bombs sprung from the bowels of Hell's kitchen. (The real one, I mean. Love ya, Gordon!)

Matt H., Chessa N., Lauren R., Jennifer R., Brittany H., Amy L., Nathan, Nichole B., & Beth, go forth and eateth thine cupeth caketh in exceedingeth celebration.


Related Wreckage: Cupcake Cakes: Always Wrecktastic. Always.

« A Day in the Life of a Wreckerator, Pt 2 | Main | A Day in the Life »

Reader Comments (168)

The last one looks like someone dressed up Philippe from Achewood to be a very pretty lady.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAllison

I´m pretty sure that green thingy is a distorted alien head with really bad acne.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterOphelia

I like the flying pickle/ mardi gras cactus mask. All aboard Air Gherkin!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMusing

I kind of like Poodleface.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGlory von Hathor

LMLFAO! Wow...so many things, lol. Is that supposed to be a beach ball?! LMFAO! I thought the "Sombrero" looked more like an fugly Magic Carpet, lol, or maybe a towel? LMFAO @ the Frogger interpretation of the hamburger, I agree, lol. The flip flops look like bears pimpin some ugly bling to me, lol. I'm sad to say that my first thought when I saw the cactus one was jock strap, LMFAO! I think Mardi Gras mask is more likely, lol. I think the mustache on the dog is supposed to be part of the snout, lol, people tend to do an upside-down Y for that, but it didn't work right, LMFAO! Those were great!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJamers8x2

I just asked my 6 yr old what he thought the green one was and he said "I think its a dinosaur foot print"

I see that narkej had the same thought!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

I think the Mardi Gras cactus mask is supposed to be a dragon or a lizard. Maybe. If the empty spots are eyes anyway...Who knows? There are things in life we are all better now knowing (I normally include calorie counts in that category) and the purpose of this CCC could be one of them.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBrandi

[throwing down spatula] "Meh, it's a football. Time for my break."

LMAO! this CCC Wreck was AWFULly BAD! But the commentary, was as delightful and snort-inducing as ever!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I can't believe I'm the first person to mention this after 108 posted comments, but...

I think the "cactus" cake is a horribly wrecktastic version of a Romulan Warbird, ST:TNG-style. You know, the big green ones with that open area between the top and bottom hulls. I'm disappointed, Jen!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMilton

Thanks for telling us what the cakes were supposed to be, I had the hardest time!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelenie

I thought #4 (apparently allegedly supposed to be a hamburger) was a badly done basket of flowers.

(Note to Jen/John: please disregard this comment being posted on a different post. It's supposed to be here on the CCC post, and I have no idea what happened, but I noticed it just a split second AFTER I hit Send.)

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFelixAndAva

I spotted a better looking cactus CCC at my local Walmart. I actually thought they did a decent job on it. At least for a CCC anyway lol. Its waaaaaaaay better than the pickle one thats for sure.

Here it is.
http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e349/Goofball_Lt_G/IMG_2347.jpg

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGoof

BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

I love when they make a circle out of cupcakes - because, ya know, they just don't MAKE round cake pans.....

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDea

i got to say, i just loved this blog, it so made my day, and a smile on my face too. thanks loved the end, it was great!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The worst part for me about the sombrero CCC is the ripped cardboard stabilizer underneath!Nothing says professional like raggedy edges.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCheri

That last one's a poodle? Honestly? All I could see was an old lady with serious facial hair issues.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWolvie Girl

Horserider and Becky, I think that IS supposed to be Texas. What's worse, it looks like a weather map. Those little black swirlies look like the graphic that depicts tornados. If that's true we're in a lot of trouble here, that's a LOT of tornado action!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

I must share, okay, I must admit... *GASP* that I bought a butterfly cup cake 'cake' for my daughter's 4th birthday.

When we got home, it was more of a 'Monet' painting as it was not secured on the bottom and they all slid around completely destroying the 'butterfly'!

If I knew I'd find such a great blog years later, I'd have taken a picture LOL

~Aleth

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlethea

Great post. I had trouble reading your intro though because of an all bran add.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMaria

Stupid Kellogg's ad is covering part of your text. Even "close" doesn't make it small enough.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

FYI: Couldn't read it as Kellogs advertisment was covering it up. When I hit 'close X', it covered half. I am sure it was funny and cute as always.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I looked at the first one and thought, "Who plucked the NBC Peacock?"

Then I thought ... and thought ... and thought.

And I gave up.

Love the Hell's Kitchen reference. I am totally in love with Chef Ramsay!

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterScritzy

I think that cactus/pickle is supposed to be Baby Bop from Barney. Maybe.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJen

I got that sick sugary feeling you get from eating cupcakes just by looking at all those pictures.

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

That last one looks like Ultra Peanut!

http://achewood.com/index.php?date=03192002

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCeci

Is that last one meant to be Poochie?

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

yeah, i TOTALLY didn't see a hamburger there - *i* saw a game of frogger...

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermiss k

Oh my gosh! I have so much fun looking at these wrecks! :)

TTFN,
Christina

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered Commentericandy...

@miss_k, seeing that as a game of Frogger works too. I was still waking up when I first looked at that and got a badly done basket of flowers.

Talk about your sugary Rorschach! :)

August 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFelixAndAva

My husband looked at the brown one and said "Is that a poop surfboard?"
--Kristen

August 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I don't understand how you can hate them that badly. They all can't be all bad right? There has to be some pretty ones. Right? I don't know I guess I'm just optimistic about it. I like to hope that all sugar treats can be delicious and pretty. But maybe I just live in a fantasy land.(Similar to the one found in Homer Simpson's chocolate bunny daydream.)

August 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersponzar

Glad you were able to identify the brown blob. Most sportsmanlike!

August 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdeemack

Entirely randomly, today is my birthday and a friend gave me six cupcakes from a local bakery called the Cupcake Station! Happily, they were all individual cupcakes, living in blissful independence, with their own types of frosting. They are cute and delicious and exactly how cupcakes should be, and it's only fitting that it happens to be National Cupcake Day!

August 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

Wait, isn't the green mardi gras mask really a close up of a sock-filled speedo (or banana hammock thong)????

August 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter08armydoc

The flying pickle/cactus one almost looks like the head of the head alien in Lilo and Stitch.....

August 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermafuller

CCC's should be banned. I say we start a grass roots revolution to stop this blasphemous trend! I just love that they're all so horribly (and wonderfully) shaped!

August 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

If you look real closely at that green mask/cactus thingy, it appears to have little singing faces and music notes on it - so maybe it's a park? Or something?

August 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElin

I thought the football was a baguette! But the flying pickle looks like a cactus, imho. :)

August 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAri

Love the post. :)

Trying to do cake art with cup cakes is like trying to use just a few, giant, pixels to make a digital photo - it's way too clumsy and it just doesn't work!

August 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAJLR

You ask what's worse regarding the "sombrero"...
To me it looks like the taco bell logo, but the WORST part is that its on a torn, recycled piece of cardboard.
say it with me now... EEEEwwwwww

August 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelliKat

I think that last one is supposed to be Dolores Umbridge + mustache from Harry Potter.

http://www.movieweb.com/news/NE6Gv8a6ysVO9c

August 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdenestria

What IS that first one anyway? A hot air balloon?

August 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDarling One

That green cactus mask looks like a Romulan ship from Star Trek: The Next Generation.

What is that last one? Poochie? Does anyone else remember Poochie? I'm not talking about Itchy & Scratchy's third wheel, this was a pink-haired brushable toy dog from the '80s.

August 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlittleravenshop

I thinks that unidentifiable CCC may be a dinosaur track. I only say this because my 6 1/2 year old is a dinosaur freak, and that's what it reminds me of.

klutz

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkim lutz

OMG I just almost wet myself reading this post. You've got another follower.

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Quirky Confectioner

I think the second one is upside-down and meant to be a fish. The little circles drawn on the cakeboard are suppose to be bubbles rising from it's head. Also, that white cupcake at the end has an eye and half a smile piped on. It's definitely upside-down.

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

ittleravenshop said...
That green cactus mask looks like a Romulan ship from Star Trek: The Next Generation.

What is that last one? Poochie? Does anyone else remember Poochie? I'm not talking about Itchy & Scratchy's third wheel, this was a pink-haired brushable toy dog from the '80s
________________________________
HI , i recently found this blog and I looked through almost all of the old submissions. This is my first post.

It has been a long time since I ve laughed out loud so much. SOme of the cakes are sooo funny..

Yep Poochie was around when I was a little girl in the 80's .Every thign of her was heart shaped her rug, bath ,etc oh and pink too.

Im also a recent fan Of ST:TNG- im going to take a look at the mask

August 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermarypoppins

you say football, I say baked potato with fork incisions to vent.

August 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWurlitzer Heart

First, thanks for a great website, just too, too funny! Here's something you might want to look at, it's a silicon cake pan that has two parts...to make a Giant Cupcake cake! I immediately thought of you!
http://www.ltdcommodities.com/home/catalog/cat_item_pg.asp?G=718&P=6&Rec=2&N=37+461&Nao=0&R=463008-3QCP---1

It "measures 15-1/4" x 8-1/8" x 3-1/2" overall; the finished cake measures approx. 7" x 6-3/4" dia."

August 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVirginia

You know what that quote-unquote "sombrero cake" reminds me of?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEIV3XvF2_g

I bet you that's just how the birthday boy felt after seeing that quote-unquote "cake".

August 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommentercolBoh

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