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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Aug072009

Here comes the bri...AAAAUUGGHHH!!!

Brides these days. [shaking head] When the big day arrives, some of them can reeeally lose their heads, you know?

That's the wedding cake.

Uh, maybe I should give you a moment.

[whistling]

All better? Have all your co-workers/family members gathered around the screen in response to your shrieks? Good. 'Cuz I want to talk about the consultation that resulted in this cake. Do you suppose it went something like this?

Bride: I want my wedding cake to look like my dress.

Baker: Sure, no problem. You want it on a dress form?

Bride: [scoffing] Uh, no-oo! It has to be on a body. MY body.

Baker: Wait, you want a full cake statue of yourself? Like this? [shows photo of infamous bride cake]

Bride: Ew, no! Who'd want to eat my head or arms? That's gross.

Baker: [relieved] Oh, good, 'cuz for a second there...

Bride: So just leave my head and arms off.

Here's another view: The limbless bride surveying her domain.

As you can see, the bride (the headed one, I mean) thought it would be cute to put her veil on the neck stump after the ceremony. Which certainly adds...well, a veil to the neck stump.

But you know what my favorite part is? Go on, guess.

No, not that. Or that. Hah! Good point, but no. Look, I'll just tell you, shall I?

Ok, it's this: the shoulder stumpies look a lot like outstretched, plucked chicken wings to me. Here, look at the first photo again and tell me you don't see a plucked headless chicken in a dress trying to flap off to freedom:

Flap flap flap.

You see it, don't you?
And if not, rest assured Headless Plucked Chicken Bride will be seeing YOU - in your dreams. Mwuh-ha-ha-haaa!

Sleep tight, Anony M.

- Related Wreckage: The Infamous Bride Cake

« Bork Bork Bork | Main | Old Time Wreck 'n Roll »

Reader Comments (170)

sure hope the bride isn't really built like that. and that the dress wasn't as much of a wreck as it looks like in the cake....

I'm hoping maybe she's an aspiring designer?

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

This bride got it all wrong...when the guests are taking bets on how long your marriage will last you tell them to kiss your behind, not eat it.

I can understand the concern everyone has expressed over boob and armpit pieces, but have you all bothered to ponder the horrors that lurk a little more south of those slices here? And let's just hope no hair from her veil(!?!) made its way down that low...

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I can't help but think that this needs a little framed photo on top of her face.

And I know that the wedding is 99% for the woman, but not having the man ANYWHERE near that cake was not very nice! Or VERY nice, depending on how you view it.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBryna

Ways this could have been even creepier:

--Traditional cake toppers (tiny people growing out of her neck!)
--Shove her shoes in the bottom for the "full effect"
--Cake is actually made out of cheese
--Cake is actually made out of the bride*
--Groom's cake was http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_wGr8njEWjtI/ScHDRnQBzjI/AAAAAAAACPQ/TVatEReos5k/s1600-h/Kaylee+K+.+lw+.+deer.jpg" rel="nofollow">this one

*Too far? Yeah, too far.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDaisy

absolutely speechless...everything is wrong about this including the scale. What was the bride and the baker thinking?

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPercy Sales Events

Oh, definitely should have gone with the dress form. Dress forms are elegant. Headless, limbless bodies, not so much.

WV: exemat - where you go to wash all your exes (who happen to live in Texas).

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPhillip Wilde

I, for one, am curious about what flavor of cake it is....

~Bonnie B

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBonnie

I can see the chicken wings. Oh sweet Jesus, if only chickens could fly, fly away.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPen Style

OMG. That is TERRIFYING. What do you want to bet the groom didn't get a say in that cake?!?

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMJ

Why does this remind me of Beetlejuice?!

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKirthan

reminds me of the scene from Beetlejuice, where the couple summon the dead, and the wedding dress starts floating and then she gradually fills it out... *shudder*

So, did they save a boob for their first anniversary?

And I don't know what those guests are all so scared of, it's not like "she" has a handy knife, or a hand to hold it in!

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

I must be the only person on the planet who actually likes this cake..... !

(no, it wasn't mine nor do I know the person who ordered it nor who made it)

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterblogauthor

FYI - the head of the 'infamous bride cake' is sculpted out of polymer clay by my very talented friend Elizabeth Bonura.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Forbes-Lyons

You know, the cake might have been ok if it was the bride's gown on a dress form. But this? Gah!

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterksaldria

TOTALLY saw wings at first look too!!

LMAO - wv: dandinga

I got nothing, but it sounds vaguely naughty....>:)

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDea

So, look: the guests in the background aren't really so much avoiding getting close to the cake as they are waiting their turns at the bar.
Because they pretty much want to be good and blitzed before they're expected to actually take a piece of this amazing confection and put it in their actual mouths.
That's not even the most disturbing thing, in my opinion.
This wedding is apparently ALL about the bride.
What's the groom, chopped liver??? Not even a little representative bow tie laid reverently at her feet? (Oops! There ARE no feet.)
Hmmmm...maybe the groom is the BAKER of this cake...
Aaannd...in a sick, vile, and completely twisted turn of events--has turned out to be a crazed axe murderer, just waiting to take a whack at the non-cake version of his lovely and egotistical bride.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

What do you call a headless, armless, legless guy in a pot?

Stu

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJacq cooks

Scariest wedding cake.ever.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertwinklescrapbooks

As my two year old would say, "I havva quession fo you.".

WHY???

(actually posted by Evan's Mom)

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEvan

http://www.lemondrop.com/2008/12/11/cakes-gone-wrong-very-very-wrong/

some of the cakes are great, and some you already have. But this slideshow has a lot of cakes you will, I promise, completely hate.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

not cool!! I mean, seriously not cool at all!

http://confessions-of-a-waitress.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">http://confessions-of-a-waitress.blogspot.com/

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterG.H.

Either she was marrying Ichabod Crane, or she reeeally needs to stop biting her nails...

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulie H

LMAO!! Oh my, I have no words!! lol!

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElle

I was actually think more of a frozen turkey than a chicken due to the size of the cake.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

if my coworkers gather at all, it's going to be a result of my incessant giggling.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterashleyalvina

Taking in that title and photo at the same time was priceless. You just made my day.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNicholas

Although we read your blog daily, never before has a cake made us go all Colonel Kurtz in Heart of Darkness like this non-appendaged monstrosity.

THE HORROR!

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWe Took the Bait

Don't have the URL handy - might find it later - but it would be worth trollingYouTube for Tom Petty's video for "Don't Come Round Here No More" - it's trly wonderfully 80'sAice-in_Wonderland-themed surrealism ... and it ends with an incredible cake.

And understand that they almost didn't get usable footage of that part because ... well ... rock'n'rollers ... you'll likely get what i mean if you watch it.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermike weber/fairportfan

umm...sick?

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDangGina

That's just ridiculously creeptastic! I can't really ever understand what some of these people are thinking when they order these cakes. Or when people MAKE these cakes.

/facepalm

pennilessscholar.blogspot.com/

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterT

Just curious, is Anony's last name Mous?

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This is reminding me of an episode of Doctor Who...or maybe a couple smooshed together.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristen

and the ad on the side is for cornish game hens!

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMel

What I don't understand is why do brides pay $$$$$ for a fancy veil/tiara combo and then take it off as soon as they get to the reception?

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMum-me

Part of me is reminded of that statue of Venus Di Milo. And the rest of me is reminded of the Black Knight scene in Quest For The Holy Grail. It was just a flesh wound.

August 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What I do not understand is the current fashion for brides in America to wear red sashes. This is a custom that originates from the middle east and represents the bride's virginity. The groom is to cut it off and present it to the bride's father the next day. Ew!

August 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

When my hubby looked at this monstrosity the first thing out of his mouth was "Exterminate!" So Len wasn't the only one who saw a Dalek in a wedding gown.

August 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWolvie Girl

This is the best cakewrecks post ever in the history of ever.

EVAR.

August 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKate

Unfortunately, I DO see it.

Note to self: do not read Cake Wrecks before going to bed.

August 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSharon in NE

Wow. That's surreal.

"Boxing Helena," anyone?

August 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNyssa

I have left you an award on my blog. please feel free to ignore it if they drive you bonkers(!)

August 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteralcoholinky

"neck stump", hahhahahahahahahaha! I don't know why, I guess in connection to wedding cakes, that phrase just causes me to LOL!

Taylor:
Who is by the BBQ?

Patty and Frank!

At the front door?

Matt!

August 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

am i the only one who wants to see JEN'S wedding cake?

August 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I've passed a blog award on to you. You can stop by my blog to read about it :)

August 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSally Bacchetta

I'm never quite satisfied with these cake wrecks. I want to know more of the back story. Seriously, though, did the bride LIKE this? Is this what she wanted? I need more details!!!

August 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterchristie

What's REALLY sad is I know what designer and style that wedding dress is. Evidence the bride-to-be crazy is infecting me? /shudder

August 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLilivati

But isn't that actual Not Edible fabric on the cake?

WV: Veiljuice - the final ingredient in dismembered wedding cakes worldwide.

August 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAngie Jackson

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

August 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFanny

Reminds me of this old urban legend:

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/gruesome/furry.asp

August 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBree

why?! really.... just why?

August 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHenny

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