My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Here comes the bri...AAAAAUUGGHHH!!!

Brides these days. [shaking head] When the big day arrives, some of them can reeeally lose their heads, you know?

That's the wedding cake.


Uh, maybe I should give you a moment.


All better? Have all your co-workers/family members gathered around the screen in response to your shrieks? Good. 'Cuz I want to talk about the consultation that resulted in this cake. Do you suppose it went something like this?

Bride: I want my wedding cake to look like my dress.

Baker: Sure, no problem. You want it on a dress form?

Bride: [scoffing] Uh, no-oo! It has to be on a body. MY body.

Baker: Wait, you want a full cake statue of yourself? Like this? [shows photo of infamous bride cake]

Bride: Ew, no! Who'd want to eat my head or arms? That's gross.

Baker: [relieved] Oh, good, 'cuz for a second there...

Bride: So just leave my head and arms off.


Here's another view: The limbless bride surveying her domain.

As you can see, the bride (the headed one, I mean) thought it would be cute to put her veil on the neck stump after the ceremony. Which certainly adds...well, a veil to the neck stump.


But you know what my favorite part is? Go on, guess.

No, not that. Or that. Hah! Good point, but no. Look, I'll just tell you, shall I?

Ok, it's this: the shoulder stumpies look a lot like outstretched, plucked chicken wings to me. Here, look at the first photo again and tell me you don't see a plucked headless chicken in a dress trying to flap off to freedom:

Flap flap flap.

You see it, don't you?

And if not, rest assured Headless Plucked Chicken Bride will be seeing YOU - in your dreams.



Sleep tight, Anony M.


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Reader Comments (14)

I just want to know, who called dibs on the armpit?

June 19, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterEAJ

Lost her maidenhead before the wedding.

June 19, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterEoin

I left my head back at the bake shop
High on a shelf, it calls to me
To be where little tarts and pies sit sweetly 'for my eyes
The cookie crumbs may muss my hair, I don't care

I have no arms. They're at the bake shop
If I had legs, from here I'd flee
When someone finds my head at the bake shop
I hope that they'll say hi to me

June 19, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Hum. maybe a little red icing on the arms and neck. Then a bone sticking out one arm. Yes, this would make a great Halloween wedding cake.

Why am I thinking that this belongs in the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland? The 9999 ghosts should hire this baker for their celebration.

June 19, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterCathy

See, my thinking is, if the bride put her veil directly on the cake after WEARING it, she's basically transferring strands of hair, hairspray, dandruff, or who knows what onto it.

Who would want the slice of neck stump where a previously worn veil was placed on top? Or would anyone else even think about that kind of thing? Because if they didn't, they should have.

June 19, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMSTeacher3K

Looks like the Winged Victory sculpture. Just worse.

June 19, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJoJo

Save me a pit, please, or maybe a clavicle. I'm diabetic.

June 19, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterHairfish

How would you even cut that to eat it? Ugh.

June 19, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJeneric

Why bother with a veil if there is no head? Sheeesh.

June 19, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSonia

Oh man cannot stop laughing and gasping in horror. I can only imagine the brides response. She got what she asked for lol.

June 20, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

@JoJo - My thoughts exactly on the Winged Victory resemblance.

June 20, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterStella

SuBee wins again!

June 20, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMorag

You know, this made me think of just how many life size human replica cakes exist out there... and it's a lot. But I found a story and set of photos about one that was REALLY creepy, because it showed the making of the cake at the most disturbing point possible. It's a 6 foot Katniss cake. The end photo shows the finished product, but the two before that... cake skeleton. O.o

June 20, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

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