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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jan292010

As We Fumble Along

After extensive research of all the baffling, exclamation point-riddled status updates I've been seeing on FB and Twitter, I've concluded that something either is happening, has happened, or will happen in the world of sports.

After a few wild guesses and a Magic 8-Ball consult, I've concluded that these happenings are "most likely" football-related.

Is this a football? "Ask Again Later."

This has me at a distinct disadvantage, since frankly I know about as much about football as I do that mysteriously emptied Reese's Chocolate Clusters bag on the kitchen counter. Which is to say absolutely nothing.

(Ok, that's not entirely true. I think I saw the cat sniffing the bag of chocolates earlier. So I'd definitely question her, John. Yeah.)

Still, I can guess that this frankenpoo butterfly with fuzzy monster wings is supposed to be a football:


And that this next one is probably a "football field" in some Wreckerator's wildest dream:

(I'm talking a What Dreams May Come kinda wildest dream here, not a Field of Dreams kind of dream. But you probably got that already, right?)

Besides, you don't have to know the game to realize that fecal footballs are really never a good idea:


Especially when placed next to perfectly decent-looking football picks.
Bakers, ever hear the expression, "Don't park your ass next to a thoroughbred?" Just curious.

Could be worse, though. It could have fecal footballs with urine-yellow icing and a big ol' dual-meaning inscription like "Go Team" on it. Not that anyone would ever do something that...

Oh, no.

Really?

Really.

[sigh]

Well, there it is.

Although now that I look at it, I'm actually kind of disappointed there isn't a "We're #1!" on it somewhere, or "Go long" or something with the word "pass" in it. Hehehe. Wow, I never realized there were so many potty puns in sports! That almost makes them slightly more interesting. (The puns - not the sports.)

Finally, here's one more design someone clearly didn't think all the way through:

Ok, let's be generous and assume the Wreckerator meant "Touchdown," but for some reason couldn't remember how to spell "down."

Even then, you know there are FB pics out there of a bunch of drunken guys posing with this cookie cake held in very, shall we say, strategic locations. Not good, bakers, not good.

Could Diana A., Marisa H., Sue B., Meryl, Julie M., & Jessica L. be the best Wreckporters ever? Signs point to yes.

- Related Wreckage: Score!

NOTE: For the one person out there wondering: yes, today's title is inspired by The Drowsy Chaperone. For the rest of you: that's a musical with two punny gangsters in it posing as pastry chefs. Need I say more?

NOTE from john: We are currently unable to publish your comments. You can still write them but we won't be able to put them up for a little bit. Our "Epcot" advisory is at Orange.

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Reader Comments (96)

Why, why, why do wreckerators do such horrible things with chocolate frosting? I *used* to like it. Now I just think of poo. Thanks, wreckerators.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDeirdre

The third one looks like Burning Man with a football for a chest.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor@MyOlderBrothers

Fantastic.

The Touch Down made me truly laugh out loud.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca F.

Okay - I'm asking again (and it IS later)...
Is that a football? Did it used to be inflated??

The puns are still rawkin, Jen!

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle P.

Aren't ALL your posts inspired by the Drowsy Chaperone?

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpoornamelesscat

Ha, DC was the first thing I thought of when I saw the title. :)

These cakes are just... wow, I have no words.c

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

But Jen, that's not a football field, it's "an old-fashioned chocolate picnic." Because that makes so much more sense.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

NOTE: For the one person out there wondering: yes, today's title is inspired by The Drowsy Chaperone.

As that one person - thanks, I was going to ask! :D

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLK

I'm the one person! It was too close not to be from The Drowsy Chaperone, but it's really not a well-known one.

"We're pastry chefs, we're pastry chefs (we cross our hearts we're pastry chefs), No fakery, a bakery is what we've got!"

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterctoan

Poop. Poop is funny.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJon and Becky

You crack me up! I love everything about Cake Wrecks! Thank you so much for always making me laugh.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTami C

#4: Those aren't fecal footballs (though I love the term), they're caterpillars! They're rushing the field in an "everyone wins" kind of game where there's not one but 3 balls for them to try to get. maybe they work in teams of two.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

my wv: for posting this page on FB today was "touchy source." how appropriate!

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Since you mentioned a musical, it'd be really nifty if you had an all Sondheim themed cake entry.

Now, who knows how many Sondheim-related wrecks are in existence, but I'm willing to attempt my own just to put a theme together.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMer

My 22 month old just saw this page for the first time and said "Babies riding carrots -- that's silly. Don't ride, babies. Don't ride your carrots." Words of wisdom for that particular wreckerator.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCount Mockula

To the decorators on this blog:

Dont you guys love the grass tip !
It's also excellent for elmo's fur and great for Easter themed cakes

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPurplecow

I laughed out loud!!! These are hysterical.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie

They kind of look like tootsie rolls. That's what I'll go with.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

I've heard of men writing their name in the snow - but writing on white icing?

Maybe the football team all work at the local sewage farm..........

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

HaHaHaHaHaHaHaha!!!

Great puns! Go Team!!!

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

#2 (hehe) reminded me of a tootsie roll.

#4 is sad because it looks like a decent decorator did a few cuppies, added the picks and then handed over the job to the new guy, but neglected to give him the correct pipping tip or tell him where the flotsam was stored.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Jen, you know a little more about football than I do.
Next time someone says something is "football-shaped," I'm going to be really confused.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Thank you for the What Dreams May Come reference. I love that movie. Since Gilmore Girls is gone - you are my source of clever pop/geek culture references! Must look up the drowsy chaperone.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarey

This takes me back to my days growing up on the farm. You might actually find a deflated football stuck in between two tufts of grass, months after someone had thrown it into the ditch. If it was too muddy to retrieve it, or if it landed next to the den of a cranky and/or rabid wild animal, it was bye-bye football. We never got a cake out of it, though.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I did raise an eyebrow to the first picture, and then I realized it's made of cupcakes. There's only so much you can do with whole cupcakes to make them look like a football.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElisabeth Marie

Knowing nuttin about football, that second wreck seems to be wearing a boa.

Mocking

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Thanks for the shout out to the musical theater fans!!!

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRob

The second to last one looks more like leaves than any potty training accident, to me. Weird skeletal leaves...

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Awesome.

And to top it off, I was "sharing" this link on my Facebook Page. This was my word verification:

"eavesDROPPING"

Haha!

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMrs.GB

"Our 'Epcot' advisory is at Orange."

Is that a euphemism for something too "off-color" for CW? Would you be "working blue" if you didn't say "Orange" instead??

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That first football looks like it might have been run over by a steamroller. Woops, no more football today, kids!

The rest? Uh...

Yeah. I got nuthin'. (except maybe indigestion. *hurrk*)

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

You made me laugh out loud in PUBLIC! Luckily, at Moe's, quite noisy in here.

Oh noes, not an Epcot alert again. Sigh.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlex

ROFLOL!! I love your "frankenpoo butterfly" description- that sent me rollin' on the floor laughing out loud! (yes I'm writing it out!)

The touchdown cake- seriously who makes these cakes???

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersoapbox

The wreckerator who made #3 should be shot or taught what a football field looks like. That could pass for an ugly attempt at a soccer field or a basketball court. It would be better if the wreckerator switched out the plastic flotsam. It would still be a wreck, but one do to execution rather than both bad execution and lack of knowledge.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

Oh my goodness, I can just IMAGINE someone holding that last one and pointing the arrow in an inappropriate location. I am laughing at the thought!

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

Touch down or feel up? Choice is yours!

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I LOVE the Drowsy Chaperone -- so I think that's at least three of us who got that reference.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChris

There should be an "end zone" pun here. Or else a "tight end" pun.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdeckardcanine

I won't be the first to say that these designs are "crap"

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Black Dog

The second one looks like a Ho Ho dropped on some hideous lime green shag carpeting.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBlue Jean

That is just too funny! Thanks for the laugh!

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJoe and Brittany

So I was going to comment "I LOVE The Drowsy Chaperone!" as soon as I saw the title... but there's a note at the end of the post that kills my fun. Lol. Anyways, I'll have "As We Stumble Along" stuck in my head all day. Thanks for that! :P

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermollymouse

Given the scatological nature of the rest of the wrecks, when I saw "old fashioned chocolate picnic" on the label for the second cake, I thought of checking Urban Dictionary for a definition. There is no entry there yet for "chocolate picnic", but use your imagination. Or don't. :)

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMilo Bloom

Hee, hee. Whoooo. Hahahaha.

Thanks Jen. I cracked up at the frankenpoo butterfly with fuzzy monster wings. That's exactly what I was thinking! Ok, not really, but what lovely word choices. Love you guys!

Andrea

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You know, I don't think I can even eat cake anymore. :(

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary Connealy

I did not think I could love CW any more, but then it turns out that along with the gamer geeks, you have musical theater geek fans (like me!) out here in interweb land.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

My football fan husband's comments were limited to "what the hell is that?!?" until he got to the cookie; that one he wants on a t-shirt. To my knowledge he is not currently drunk, but I may be shortly.

And why did someone park a football in the middle of a basketball court where people were planning a chocolate picnic? I really do need that drink now...

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeftWingLock

I love the random blob of blue icing under the football on the Touch "arrow" cookie. Heh.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkimbalaya

"Tovah" ???

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered Commentera l'ouest

Darn! I thought I was the only person wondering! Heehee! Jen, love all your punny posts, and it's nice to hear that someone else has no idea what's happening with whatever sports season we're in right now. Keep up the good work--you guys always make my day!!

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErin

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