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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Jan282010

Unexcepted Seamen

Ahh, there's nothing like unintentionally inappropriate greetings at the bakery!

Hey, you put a giant dog bone on your cake, you're going to get a few Freudian slips.

For the new mom coming home with the baby:

Guys, here's a tip: subliminal messages work better in audio.


Of course, when you're actually trying for something a little risque, you can count on a Wreckerator to botch that up, too:

This was supposed to say "unexpected semen."

Aw, you couples and your pet names for each other! You're just so gosh darn cute.


Megan N., Alana Q., & Anony M., in the spirit of this post I'm sending you a wholly inappropriate (but mercifully virtual) butt-slap each right now. Great job!

- Related Wreckage: Inappropriate, Much?

UPDATE: I'm told that the last cake was from a hubby to his wife, and that she was an accidental pregnancy. So yes, it was an inside joke gone wrong, but I think she still found it funny. That's all I know! Promise!

« As We Fumble Along | Main | A Teaching Moment »

Reader Comments (63)

Oddly enough, the balloons on Margaret and Fiona's cake appear to be balloons and not colorful sperm.

Talk about your missed opportunities for subliminal messages.

--kate

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh, my stars and garters! o_O

Cake #3…I’m still trying to get my head around what the original message was supposed to convey…and how they expected (heh) anyone to eat it.

Good lord, even that comment was inappropriate.

(Hmm, can’t say that…really can’t say that…nope, that comment will get me banned…OMG, way too risqué…think I’d better just let it go.)

Concern trolls complaining about this post in 3…2…1… :D

^..^
Tigerwolf

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTigerwolf

Cake #1 makes me want to call PETA..The last cake makes me just want to barf.."seamen" LOL

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLauren Borquez

I could never eat a cake with the word "semen" on it. ewwww
Okay, who am I kidding... I'd still totally eat it.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

OMG I literally snort laughed at the first one!!!

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTainda

On the last one, I read "Haby" and "Unexcypted" - I think you gave the Wreckerator too much credit there Jen.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

Dog Dong day? Dog Gone day? Ding Dong Day? Head hurts. Confused.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHalf Assed Kitchen

Re: cake #3. That's okay. They can just cuddle.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertonkelu

"Have a dog ---- day"?
No thanks, I'd rather not.

Uh, I guess I tend to be too literal, but if Margaret just gave birth, isn't she probably too sore for that just now?

I guess the last one is some kind of inside joke. I'm scrtching my noggin, trying to figure out how "unexpected semen" would be better than "unexcepted seamen."

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

I'm not quite sure what the first one was supposed to say...

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

But why would the original message be...er...uhhh....

omg. just omg. Just supposing I were going to say something like that on a cake, I'd order it from the bakery sans writing and do the writing myself. But honestly, I just wouldn't do it at all!

And people think black roses and candy skulls are iffy. HUMPH.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

I'm with Tigerwolf on cake #3. Though the botchy botch is funny, what the heck is unexpected semen supposed to mean??? :)

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCasey

It's really a shame about #2. it's one of the few cakes we've seen that actually makes balloons look right.

as for #3... I just don't get "unexpected semen" written on a cake. HUH?

But, honestly, I don't mind some unexpected seamen showing up if they're cute.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

that's what she said.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTerry Lee

I too, am terribly confused by the last cake. Is it meant to be a jibe at Hayley? Is it unexpected or unaccepted? Also, I read Haley as Holey. Which, when read with the rest of the text, sounded like an x-rated Robin quote.

Holey unecxepted seaman,Batman! ; )

Recapta: anifoo Anifoo can tell where the decorator's mind was on cake #2.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

On cake #3, perhaps Haley was the result of an accidental pregnancy and her loved ones use cake to remind her of this once a year.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHurryUpCakes

#2--Isn't that what got her into that prediciment to begin with? On second thought, maybe it is accurate after all.

#3--Maybe they couldn't put "semen" on the cake because of the bakery policy? Wait...I think I worded that wrong

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSuzie Q

Well, hello0_O, sailor. *snort*

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

I think perhaps the second one was supposed to be a command. "Welcome. Hump Margaret."

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm going to guess that #3 in fact was supposed to read: An Accepted Seaman, and celebrated Haley's entrance into the Navy.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sometimes the funniest part of your post is the appreciative remark to the wreckporter, so I hope you don't mind that the rest of us read them too! :D

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJohn and Sarah Sperry

I'm thinking the last one was supposed to be "Unaccepted Seaman." That would imply that the recipient was not qualified for the Navy, and they got a cake to commemorate the occasion.

Does that make sense to anyone else but me?

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor@MyOlderBrothers

I guess the "Hump" is supposed to be "Home," but the call taker had fondant in his ears. I still have no idea what the "Dong" was supposed to be.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdeckardcanine

Huh?

I had to literally sit and think about the 3rd cake to understand what is was supposed to mean.

NOW I get it! Birthday . . . how is one conceived . . . oh, that's right . . . semen is involved . . . oops, didn't expect that . . . especially on a cake!

Huh? Shaking head in disbelief, muttering to self . . . walking away from computer.

Fade to black.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWriteCards

Why do I choose to read this while I'm eating lunch? Lol.
Anna Marie

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRusty and Bandit

LMAO, that title immediately brought a South Park episode to mind ... ahhh, the differences between sea-men & semen ... and what happens in the South Park world when you combine the 2 LOL

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterColette

okay, wait, on the last cw, i need more of an explanation. It was supposed to say: "Happy Birthday Haley/Unexpected Semen"???? What? Why? Inside joke? I just can't figure why that would appear on a cake....jen? story? thanks!

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEtiquette Bitch

"Unexpected Seamen"

Haley: Gee, thanks, Mom, for reminding me I was a 'oops baby' This is much classier than the comet crashing into a house cake you got me last year.
/eyeroll

I see you went with chocolate rosepoopbuds. I guess the bakery was out of little plastic male strippers in sailor suits, huh?

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

hahahahaha

The comments (along with the cakes and Jen's brilliant wit) have me roaring with laughter today. Thanks everyone!!!

I love the suggestion that it's a punctuation error on #2, & supposed to say "Welcome. Hump Margaret."

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee THANKS. Laughter is good for the soul. :-D
Lily

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Well. That last one is just unexceptable.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSteve the Pocket

(Cutting the cake) "Who wants the hump?!?"

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

If I was a parent trying to explain to my child that they were an unplanned, surprise pregnancy and they still didn't understand, I would simply show them the "unexpected seamen" cake.

If that doesn't convey the message, nothing will.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Revolutionary

Really, what's the "unexcepted seamen" mean? I mean... it could be... oh, well it might mean... maybe it's about... huh, oh, I was just thinking it was supposed to be... well, gee, I don't have any idea.
And a dog __ day? Do we not like the person we're giving a cake to? Is the cake poisoned? Is a Dog _ Day the opposite of having a Happy FalkerSatherhood?

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter3xEMonkey

I'm with them--the ones who want more details on what and why cake #3 was supposed to say. I'm quite impressed by those who've managed to morph it into the acceptable "an accepted seaman" but I'm not buying it.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAviatrix

I don't even want to know WHY someone would want "unexpected semen" written on a cake in the first place.........

wv - sterli (pronounced: stair-lie) - With all that unexpected semen flying about, someone ought to sterli that last cake!

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercyn

In #2 the beer in the background explains a lot - A drunken, tired new father should never be allowed to write on a cake.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAttrill

Maybe it was supposed to be an instruction? To draw unexpected semen? Because really, who expects taht on their cake anyway? Which is still really high on the Ick Factor scale.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

the first and the third cake confuse me to the point of a headache, so I'm choosing to ignore them.

The second cake is a tragedy, really, because the balloons actually look like balloons and the writing looks good. Too bad the wreckorator didn't think about what s/he was writing.

Um...yeah, anything else I can think of adding would be wildly inappropriate, so I'll just say AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA and leave it at that.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercorianne

Funny! Don't you just love subliminal messages?! :D

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJoe and Brittany

Well, for cake #3 Maybe, since it is Hayley's Birthday it could be possible that she received the uhm "Unexpected Semen" as a er gift. Or if left as written and not what it was suppose to say maybe Hayley's daddy is was an Unexpected Seaman.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Regarding cake #1, I have a friend from China whose given name is, believe it or not, Dong. Just makes the inscription even more bizarre if I think of it applying to him.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTanya

Re: Anon 11:38 AM:

I think perhaps the second one was supposed to be a command. "Welcome. Hump Margaret."

No, that's what got this whole thing started!

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think not giving us a back story on the seaman cake is cruel. Very cruel.

LOL....

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca F.

I imagine the last one as someone trying to convince her parents that her pregnancy is the result of sitting in the wrong jacuzzi or something, but her parents counter with, "No, honey, we know it's more like the story of 'The Unexcepted Seaman.' It's a story as old as the Navy itself. Never should've tried to raise a daughter in a seaport town..."

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What’s even more worrisome about the third cake is…don’t these people realize that, during certain types of recreational activities, semen can be VERY HIGHLY EXPECTED?!?

“Oh, dear…I can’t imagine how THAT happened, honey.”

^..^
Tigerwolf

WV: lusyn. "This wouldn't have happened if he didn't keep lusyn his personal protection!"

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTigerwolf

OO-ER Mrs!!!!

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm also with Tigerwolf. I'm assuming it's some bad inside joke they should have kept to themselves...hahaha? Nice job wreckies, "keep 'em coming"

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSabrina

Perhaps cake #3 is from somebody that Haley turned down?

Thanks for all the laughs...I'm sitting here at my desk trying not to laugh out loud.

WV: cominag ....after CW's like these I'm not even going to try to explain this!

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCorri Anne

Could the first one be "Have a Dog Bone day?" It's written over a dog bone and in a loud bakery, I think someone hearing "b - o- -n- e" could have mistaken it for "d - o- n- g".

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

I thought Margaret's "balloons" looked a lot like breast implants, actually. Did she get a new, er, "hump" following a mastectomy, perhaps? In that case, the hump's homecoming might just be the star attraction here.

"Oh, yeah, good to see the rest of you, too, Margaret. And, uh, happy birthday Fiona, by the way. Nice headlights, everyone. Oh, look, a cake."

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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